Grace Hightower Finally Sells Bachelorette Pad

SELLER: Grace Hightower
LOCATION: Trump Palace, 200 East 69th Street, 25th Floor
PRICE: $2,495,000 ($4,060 per month maintenance and taxes)
SIZE: 1,653 square feet, 2 bedrooms 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) Contemporary yet classic, this vibrant yet peaceful 2 bedroom, easily convertible to a three bedroom home is suited for fine family living as well as exciting entertaining. With an open, airy feel and panoramic city skyline views, this tasteful, inspiring space has a lovely, gracious living room with large balcony. The galley kitchen spills onto a windowed dining room. The amply scaled second bedroom has an en suite marble bath and handsome custom built-ins. The master bedroom has its own marble bath with Jacuzzi tub and separate stall shower, double sink, huge custom-fitted walk-in closet, and an alcove sitting area.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This week in his Gimme Shelter column in the NY Post, Braden Keil gives us an update on the real estate dealings of Miz Grace Hightower, wife of Oscar winning actor and New York fixture Robert DeNiro. Property records indicate Miz Hightower purchased this apartment in 2000, which was shortly after DeNiro filed for a dee-vorce. No doubt this was the petit safe place where the lady licked her wounds and plotted her next moves in life and love. However, although the couple remained estranged for about four years, they eventually reconciled sometime in 2003. Shortly thereafter began a looong house hunt for a new love nest that was followed obsessively by all real estate the gossips.

After a long time on the market, the couple finally sold their Tribeca penthouse in 2005, for $12,250,000 according to Keil, and begin leasing on the Upper West Side. After an exhaustive search through dozens of pricey and swanky apartments and townhouses, the couple finally settled on a 15-room Upper West Side duplex that they purchased from Eve Weinstein (ex-wife of movie tycoon Harvey) for a reported price of just under $21,000,000.

All this time, Miz Hightower hung on to her Upper East Side condo located in The Trump Palace, one of Donald Trump's dee-luxe towers and one of the tallest buildings on the Upper East Side. Perhaps she was hedging her bets, or perhaps she just wanted a place to get away to when things got intense at the rental.

In addition to the 25th floor unit with 2 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, Hightower purchased four storage units in the building. Gurl's gotta store her out of season shoes and bags somewhere, and they may as well be close by in the basement for easy access. The listing states the four store rooms are included in the sale, but Keil tells us that three of the four have already been sold, at a profit, and presumably, to other tenants.

Your Mama is not the Upper East Side type and we are certainly not the Trump building type, but we do find the layout of this apartment attractive. We appreciate the winged bedrooms so the snoring and/or screwing guests won't disturb the owner.

Anchored by ebonized floors and wrapped in glass on two walls, the reasonably sized living room leads to a small terrace, perfect for evening cocktails, except for those poor souls who suffer from acrophobia. The galley kitchen is pretty standard in these Trump buildings. The Donald and his designers and architects clearly think Trump Palace dwellers will eat out or order in most of the time. Because, let's face it, this kitchen will only accommodate early morning coffee making and late night aspirin taking.

The large master bedroom includes a sitting area which again, provides a necessary sanctuary when in-laws and other unwanted guests are in temporary residence. The double walk in closets in the master are nice and the listing states they are custom fitted, which is even nicer.

Keil notes that the apartment has gone to contract so we expect the moving trucks will be lining up on East 69th Street in order to transfer the storage unit contents across town to the new apartment.

We hope the sale of this condo indicated that Miz Hightower and Mr. DeNiro have passed the awkward stages of reconciliation and have begun to properly nest down in their huge Central Park West duplex.

Sources: NY Post

Michael LaFetra's Modernist Masterpiece in Brentwood

SELLER: Michael LaFetra
LOCATION: Elkins Road, Brentwood, CA
PRICE: $3,995,000
SIZE: 3,108 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Rich House Residence 1967. Restored to its purist state, the Mid-Century Modern, designed by Thornton Abell, a Case Study Architect, is a masterpiece created by this International Stylist. The indoor/outdoor flow w/modified courtyard lvg. Walnut wd paneling walls & split mrbl fp & dng rom. Walls of glass. St. to st. lot apx. 3/4 AC w/ natural amphitheater. Lrg mstr w/ patio, walk-ins & dressing area. Registered as a LA Historical Cultural Monument.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Well, here we have a house with a serious architectural ped-i-gree that has been worked over by actor/producer and serial renovator/restorer Michael LaFetra. No, he's not a household name, nor does he make for juicy stories in the tabloids. But anyone who cares a lick about the Los Angeles architectural modernism scene certainly knows who this dude is.

To say that Mister LaFetra likes modernist houses in an extreme understatement. The gentleman with an eye for modern has bought, renovated, and sold a handful of significant Modernist houses including a Rudolph Schindler house in Sherman Oaks, and Case Study House #21 up on Wonderland Park Avenue in the Hollywood Hills that was designed by one of Your Mama's favorite maverick architects, Pierre Koenig. LaFetra also commissioned the very last residential design by Koenig, a big glass box on an ocean front lot in Malibu.

Even if you don't recognize Koenig's name, you would absolutely recognize his most iconic design, the breathtaking Stahl House (Case Study House #22), from the thousand and one television commercials and print advertisements it has been featured. The house, built in 1960 and located on Woods Drive, appears to float above Sunset Boulevard and represents the quintessential Los Angeles sexy pad.

However, let's get to the house that has recently been put up for sale high up in the canyons of Brentwood. Built in 1967 by one of the lesser known Case Study architects, Thornton Abell, the front of the house wraps around an entrance courtyard. Your Mama loves a courtyard almost as much as we love a long, gated driveway. Courtyards keep our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly safely contained.

According to property records, Mister LeFetra bought this flat-roofed beauty in January of 2005 for an undisclosed purchase price and quickly moved to have it registered as a Los Angeles Historical-Cultural Monument. Which is lovely and certainly sounds great, but it really doesn't mean much other than the city of Los Angeles deems the property notable for one reason or another and would likely move to stop any sort of demolition or significant alteration. However, As Your Mama understands, the LAHCM has no real authority to actually stop demolition or alteration. Too bad. Your Mama prefers preservation committees have some teeth and power.

We don't really know how much work and money LaFetra put into this house, but from the photos it looks mostly like a cosmetic renovation. Have the bathrooms been updated? Anyone know?

We like the spare and all-white kitchen, but that 7-burner electric stove concerns us a bit. We're sure that relic heats up, and for some people it's probably nice to have more than a half dozen burners, but who buys a $4,000,000 house and wants to cook on electric coils anymore? We totally get the red apples are meant to tie into the red paint accents on the exterior of the house, which is a little be cheeseball, but none the less, we do like the way they look lined up and ready for some skinny bitch in a glittery Tori Burch dress to pluck one off the shelf for her dinner before heading out to Les Deux.

The fireplace in the large living room appears to have been re-faced with some sort of stacked stone. Your Mama thinks a twisty brass sculpture hanging over the fireplace would look great. The floor to ceiling sliders look original to the house, and we love them. This room beautifully operates as a shelter from the elements while blurring the distinction between indoors and out with the huge amount of glazing.

Your Mama is not in love with the landscaping in the backyard, we might like to see more drought tolerant succulents and grasses. We get so tired of seeing crazy shaped water pits in the backyard that are supposed to look like ponds or some other cockamamie natural creation, so we are completely loving the big, simply shaped rectangular swimming pool that isn't trying to be anything but a swimming pool. Your Mama is always on the hunt for a nice spot to sit in the shade and protect the fragile skin, and the small patio off the living room overlooking the pool suits us just fine for a shady and cool place to sit sipping a gin and tonic in the late afternoon.

It's unclear to Your Mama if LaFetra actually lives in this house, but we expect there is a long list of folks in Los Angeles who are looking to purchase architecturally significant houses and we imagine Mister LaFetra will be saying goodbye to this house very soon.

Sources: Sky Scraper City

Vincent Gallo,

We can all take a real estate lesson from kooky actor/artist Vincent Gallo, who has become well known for buying and selling architecturally significant properties and selling them on at big profits, sorta like Ellen and Portia.

Today RADAR tells us that the stunning John Lautner house he purchased last year has been put back on the market at a tremendous profit.

Head on over to RADAR for the deets and photos of a house that has Your Mama weeping with envy.

Christie Brinkley Selling off Ocean Front House

SELLER: Christie Brinkley
LOCATION: Flying Point Road, Water Mill, NY
PRICE: $7,900,000
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Enjoy your summer in this absolutely charming beach house, 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, with ocean side deck and also includes frontage on Mecox Bay! A rare find and priced to sell!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Do y'all know the difference between rich and filthy rich? Rich is owning a 20 acre, $25,000,000 land locked estate in Bridgehampton, which many regard as the best Hampton. Filthy rich is ALSO owning an $8,000,000 ocean front beach shack just a few miles away, which spares one's family and friends the indignity of having to cavort on the public sections of the wide sandy beaches of Hamptons with the common folk.

And this, my people, is exactly what super rich super model Christie Brinkley has been able to do the last few years that she's owned the house on Flying Point Road that she recently put on the market in the aftermath of her public separation and impending dee-vorce from Hamptons architect, former model, and philanderer Peter Cook.

Brinkley has long lived on a 20+ acre estate on Brick Kiln Road in Bridgehampton (Sag Harbor address) that is accessed down a long driveway and includes a huge shingled house, barn/garage for 4+ cars, guest house, an all glass greenhouse/conservatory, a very long swimming pool, and secluded tennis court in the woods.

According to reports, the model mommy added to her Hamptons holdings in December of 2005 when she and Peter purchased an oceanfront house in Water Mill for a reported $4,900,000. Although her then hubby Peter is an architect of note in the Hamptons, not much work was done on this somewhat ordinary, but extremely well located house. While Your Mama can not confirm how the house was used, we suspect it was used as a day house so that the family could surf, sun, and frolic during the summer months. The listing shows that a pool permit has been applied for, so perhaps there were plans to renovate the house in the future.

The Flying Point Road house is buttressed by water on two sides, the Atlantic to the South and Mecox Bay to the North, so even though the house is sort of a wreck, the water views dazzle, delight and make up for the house's shabbiness. A large, raised deck on the back provides unimpeded views up and down the glitzy and ritzy sands of Water Mill, and a small path across Flying Point Road gives access to Mecox Bay. The house has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, and most importantly, sandy path over the dunes to the ocean.

We can all feel for Miz Christie Brinkley having to cope with the shameful shenanigans of her philandering huzband, who apparently has a penchant for very young women. But Your Mama suspects none of us will be crying ourselves to sleep as she drives her big Lexus SUV the four miles from her vast Bridgehampton estate to her ocean front shack on Flying Point Road in Water Mill this summer.

Now children, do not be writing us some stoopid comments and sending us emails about about how money does not by happiness or insulate one from pain and suffering. We know. We also know that problems is problems is problems, and no matter how you slice it, your huzband sleeping around with a teenager is a shitty and difficult situation to deal with.

But, as shallow, and even hollow as this may make Your Mama, we think owning millions of dollars of ridiculously expensive real estate in ultra exclusive locales takes a wee bit of the sting away. The still gorgeous Miz Brinkley may have to cope with a no good cheating huzband and father of her children, but at least she gets to go home to some mighty fine houses.

Miz Brinkley and flirty Peter continue to own a fair number of properties in the Hamptons, including the Farhy Road property in Sag Harbor where the sexual tricks and trysts between the Mister and his very young girly-friend took place. We imagine that at some point Miz Brinkley will want to sell that scene of the crime, but for now she's holding on to the property, which we're sure puts a bee in Peter's bonnet.

Your Mama wishes Miz Brinkley all the best in the future. We feel deep in our gut she's going to stick it to Peter in the dee-vorce in very subtle and pointed ways. Like asking the court to decree that when the children are with Peter they not be allowed to fly commercial, but rather only on private places. Which we all know the aging playboy will not be able to afford once his one-time cash cow signs those dee-vorce papers. We hope grinding Peter into the dee-vorce court ground will allow Miz Brinkley to move on to another fella who will recognize how good he's got it bedding down at night with a super rich super model and super mommy.

Now babies, humor Your Mama here, because we want to tell a non-real estate story about Miz Brinkley. Last September, the Dr. Cooter and Your Mama had us some excellent tickets to the finals of the US Open. So there we are sitting in our seats eating ice cream and minding our own bizness, when two sets into the match swoops Miz Brinkley, her two youngest children, and a couple of their pals, escorted by a US Open official. Down into the front row they go where they proceed to stand up, take flash photography, and lean over the railings. During the match! Now we know this was back when all this cheating brouhaha was front page tabloid fodder and we understand the lady must have been under terrible strain, but Your Mama thinks all that activity was distracting and R.U.D.E. the players, not to mention the other spectators sitting nearby. We got nothing against Miz Brinkley. We feel for her, we do. But gurl, you and yer kids might want to learn some tennis match etiquette if yer going to be sitting down in the first row this year. Seriously. Do not let Your Mama catch you acting a fool like that again, because this year we won't just smile at you and act like we weren't completely perturbed.

Sources: Newsday, Fox News, NY Post, HecklerSpray

Tori and Dean's Inn-decent Deceit

Oh dear. All the children know how much Your Mama loves us some Tori Spelling.

We love that Tori can be be self deprecating and make fun of herself in a town where most people take themselves FAR too seriously.

We love that despite the vaunted family name and the Hollywood pedigree, she's makes her own money by forging her own crazy, reality show path.

We love that she had a million dollar wedding in the driveway of the family's Holmby Hills monster mansion, and then decided shortly thereafter that groom wasn't right for her.

We love that you never see Tori shouting and cursing and taking swings at the paps and fans...she knows that without them, she is nothing but a struggling actor with a recognizable family name.

We fell out for her reality show So NoTORIous with Loni Anderson's flawless performances as Tori's make-believe mother.

All of it. We love her. Seriously, we have always wanted to be friends with Donna Mar...uhm, Tori.

But we are saddened and aghast at the many reports that have been coming out in the recent weeks about the inn Tori and huzband Dean SAY they bought in the wilds of San Diego County. Surely all of the children know that Tori and Dean claim they dumped their life savings (and her meager inheritance) into buying and running the bed and breakfast they called Chateau la Rue...after her beloved Pug Mimi La Rue.

But turns out they didn't even buy the place let alone dump their life savings or her pitiful inheritance into the place. According to The New York Times and others, Tori and Dean are LEASING the place. LEASING!? Tori, babe, please say it ain't so. Please tell Your Mama you didn't willingly deceive the world into feeling sorry for your ass over that mother of yours and the pittance you received when your father kicked it.

Seriously, how do we know any of it's true now? Maybe you really got $8 million. Or $80 million. How are we to believe you now? Good grief.

Additional reports say that now the filming for the reality show is over, the Chateau La Rue, which is actually called Oak Creek Manor, is FOR SALE. For $2,600,000.

Your Mama is crushed. Just crushed.

On an additional real estate note, now that the reality show is done filming down in Fallbrook, the couple have moved back to Beverly Hills where we hear they've leased a relatively modest 5 bedroom and 3 bathroom house with a nice swimming pool in the backyard. The house happens to be just up the road from new Bev Hills residents Sexy and The Spice Gurl. Do we see a pool party in the future for these four?

Sources: New York Times, Curbed LA, Hotel Chatter

Slash in the Hollywood Hills

SELLER: Slash
LOCATION: Wattles Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,995,000
SIZE: 1.76 acres, 5,539 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Spanish masterpiece sited majestically on apx. 1.76 acre promontory at the end of a private, gated road. Massive views throughout, from Downtown L.A. to the ocean. Beautiful walled courtyard. Fabulous indoor & outdoor living rms w/fireplaces. Wonderful chef's kitchen. Media/billiards rm. Master suite w/its own private patio & fireplace, & 3 add'l bdrms in the main house, each w/their own baths. Separate gsthse w/bath. Separate gym. Beautiful detail work & landscaping. Designed for entertaining.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama was never much of a fan of the heavy metal hair bands, but even we know that Slash, real name Saul Hudson, become famous for wearing top hats and playing crazy guitar in the 1980s and 90s in the hugely successful band Guns & Roses. That band, whose lead singer was, of course, bad boy Axl Rose, busted up in the mid 1990s over reports that Axl and Slash were unable to get along well enough to continue to collaborate. Some reports even say the two have not spoken since they band officially broke up in 1996 and that the feud remains bitter to this day.

Slash went on to form a couple other bands, eventually regrouping with a few members of Guns & Roses to form Velvet Revolver. Your Mama has never heard of Velvet Revolver, but apparently they were in the studio last year recording their second album. An album we're sure rockers dudes with ratted hair and bandannas tied around their thighs eagerly await.

Side note: Back in the late 1980s Your Mama was associated with someone who was temporarily staying up in Axl Rose's house. So, of course, we had the phone number to the house, and we distinctly recall speaking to our well connected pal on the telephone one day and there was all this intense shouting going on in the background. Turns out Mister Rose was having a primal scream therapy session. That's about all we know about Axl Rose.

Anyhoo, in 2001 Slash married a lady named Perla and they proceeded to make a couple babies and, according to property records, nest down in the unlikely suburb of Sherman Oaks in a house they bought in March of 2002 for $2,150,000. The very private house, located up a long and gated driveway, has 5,980 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 7 bedrooms, as well as a backyard with an infinity edged swimming pool and views of the San Fernando Valley.

However, in the Spring of 2006 rumors began to circulate and reports began to come out that Slash had filed for a dee-vorce from Perla. Some said it was because of a Yoko Ono like situation where Perla was trying to exert too much influence on Slash and Velvet Revolver. Which may have some truth to it, but Your Mama suspects the couple's decision to part was likely a result of far more complicated and personal issues.

Interestingly, in December of 2005, Slash went out and bought this house on Wattles Drive for an undisclosed sum of money. Your Mama has no idea if this purchase was related to the dee-vorce, but the timing certainly indicates it was. Although this house looks like it is staged to within and inch of looking ridiculous, is our understanding the guitarist did in fact move into this house at the beginning of 2006, months before reports of the dee-vorce.

The house is located up a gated street, so don't any of you people think you can roll up to this house and catch a glimpse of Mister Slash practicing his guitar picking. It ain't happening. You'll just have to make due with the photos here of the six car garage, the back yard with spectacular views of Los Angeles, and the very, very beige interior.

The Spanish style house wraps around an courtyard at the front providing a quiet and protected place to read a book, meditate, or in Slash's case, quietly practice new guitar licks. The back of the property drops off sharply and allows just about every room of the house to have explosive views of Los Angeles from downtown to the ocean.

Although there is little we appreciate in the furniture and decor of this house, there are plenty of architectural features we find appealing such as the peaked wooden ceilings and the tremendous arched window in the sunken living room with the curved and beautifully tiled steps leading down from the front entrance.

The red Venetian glass dining room chandelier is a welcome burst of color, but we are extremely disappointed with the dining room chairs. The kitchen is certainly well appointed and we love the gargantuan Viking range, but otherwise it's just a well appointed beige kitchen that cost more money than most people's automobiles.

The master bedroom is large. We like the carpet, even though it's a little small for the room. And course we like the ceiling, but otherwise this room could be cleared out and have a nice gay decorator turned loose to turn it into a dee-luxe paradise. And the tray on the big bed? We know the benefits of staging a property, but it is our opinion that this tray is one step over the line. Who leaves a tray of stuff on their bed like that? Seriously, who?

Can you see Slash up in that beige bathroom ratting his hair and painting on the eyeliner in a pair of tight leather pants. No, we can't either.

The small back yard pool area is totally focused on the big view, and sitting out there in the buff on a chaise lounge soaking up sun and sipping on a French 75 cocktail would certainly make one feel like they had succeeded in and conquered the wilds of Hollywood. The lawn looks green and well cared for, but Your Mama might have gone with something that requires less maintenance like flag stone with big potted plants creating more of a Mediterranean terrace sort of feel.

Because of the extreme staging, we suspect but have no confirmation, that Slash has vacated the premises. Your Mama has no clue where the rock star might have decamped. Perhaps to the Chateau Marmont? Or maybe, just maybe, back to Sherman Oaks? We have not read, heard, or gleaned from anyone that Slash and Perla are getting back together, so don't any of you rocker bloggers out there tell anyone that Your Mama said they were. We're just making uneducated guesses

In addition to the house in Sherman Oaks, and the this place high in the hills of Hollywood, Slash also appears to own a small house wedged between Eagle Rock and Glendale the separated couple purchased in 2005 for $300,000, as well as a small 2 bedroom apartment near the Beverly Center that Slash as owned for many years. Your Mama doesn't have a clue why the couple would continue to own these properties, but perhaps they are for family or staff?

Because of the privacy, size, and location of this house, Your Mama expects there will be considerable interest from buyers. Not only is there room for the owner's fleet of luxury cars in the 6 car garage, the street is gated for security and privacy, and there's a separate one bedroom apartment above the garage for a nanny or the in-law that stays too long. It's a perfect celebrity home, or for someone that just wants to live like one.

Sources: Internet Movie Data Base, Contact Music, Blabbermouth

More on Ellen and Portia

OWNERS: Ellen Degeneres and Portia di Rossi
LOCATION: Zorada Drive, Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 1.63 acres, 3,994 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A few days ago, before we wasted our brain on gin and tonics and frozen yogurt over the holiday weekend, Your Mama discussed one of the houses up on Zorada Drive in Los Angeles that Ellen Degeneres and Portia di Rossi, the world's favorite Sapphic couple, put on the market for $2,300,000.

However, the house that has been listed is not the couple's personal residence. Ellen and Portia live in a long, low house on an adjoining property. We really haven't a clue who stays up in the house that's been listed for sale. Maybe Mama Betty? Guests? Staff? Friends? How extraordinarly and deliciously extravagent would it be to have a guest house of that caliber?

One of our readers kindly wrote in that the house Ellen and Portia actually live is a T-shaped ranch style house that was done over by super star architects Marmol-Radziner for the previous owner, a very successful commercial director by the name of David Ramser. And our reader was correct. There was a fair amount of hoopla when the girls purchased this house including a report on Defamer that stated they paid "around $6.5 million" for this house. Property records show an undisclosed purchase price.

So naturally Your Mama went a-looking for some photographs for the children. Keep in mind these photos reflect the furniture choices of Ramser and not Portia and Ellen. We imagine the gurls have the house filled with a truckload of very expensive mid century modern pieces. In another life Your Mama sold Miss Portia a chandelier and we wonder if that fixture is hanging up in this house as we type.

The assessor shows the house at 3,995 square feet, but Marmol-Radziner show the house as having 4,360 square feet, including an 1,100 square foot great room and a 920 square foot master suite. The flooring in the house is a continuous flow of randomly sized pieces of Pennsylvania blue stone which extends out of the house house and becomes the surface for the 2,590 square feet of exterior patio space creating a seamless flow from indoors to outdoors.

Like we do with all of Ellen and Portia's real estate holdings, Your Mama imagines we would swoon and faint from delight over this house if it were to come on the market as well. We'll let you know if that happens, and of course, you let us know if you hear of anything too.

Sources: Marmol Radziner, Benny Chan (photos), Defamer

Concrete Statuary

My favorite shape is the urn, as in a crusty, old, concrete garden urn. I love placing urns inside the house with or without something inside of them. Another accessory I love using inside the house is garden statuary. This lady has been guarding my front window for many years. She is not an antique, but a copy of one. She is concrete, of course. I abhor all those "light weight" fake concrete items on the market today and would rather pull my back out moving real concrete than using the faux thing. My lady had been in the corner of the window for years, but recently I moved her to the middle of my window, framed softly by the silk curtains. She's much happier now that she can be easier seen.

Living In Houston, Lusting for France

Welcome to my new, and first, blog! I am an interior designer in Houston, Texas who lives, lusts, and covets anything French (except men!). Not all of my clients (in fact most) feel the same about French Design that I do. Subsequently I am forced to design in styles that aren't personally what I would choose to live with. But, c'est la vie. I am planning to use this blog to indulge my love of French antiques, French furniture, and anything else pertaining to France! I also plan to showcase French design in Houston, so if you share my love of French and live on the gulf coast, you probably will find things you love here.



I am going to start with my own life, my house and the French antiques I've bought for it. I also plan to write about how my obsession with French antiques began.



Please leave me a comment if you have one.

Your Mama Would Like to Wish...

...All the children a very happy and safe Memorial Day Weekend. Your Mama really hasn't a clue what we're all supposed to be memorializing, but Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter are taking this opportunity to spend a few days in a beachfront shack staring at the water and watching our little bitches Linda and Beverly sun their long bodies on the hot sand.

We got The Chicken and one of her kooky friends coming out for the weekend, and we intend to work those two like poorly treated house maids in exchange for providing them with a place to sleep so close to the water you can smell the salt.

We do not expect to be blogging again until next Tuesday. But one never knows. Your Mama just might get a bug in our bonnet to blog and post something before then. Otherwise we'll be back on Tuesday with heaps more celebrity real estate pornography.

Bye now...

Suzanne Somers' Temporary Housing.

RENTER: Suzanne Somers and Alan Hamel
LOCATION: Serra Retreat, Sweetwater Mesa Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $25,000/month
SIZE: 4.35 acres, 5,015 square feet, 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Let's face it, Miss Suzanne Somers is a kook. She is. But that's why the world loves and appreciates her, right? Your Mama first learned to love Miss Suzanne Somers in her role as the dimwitted and big titted Chrissy on Three's Company back in the late 1970s. Back then millions of highly hormoned teenage boys touched themselves privately while looking at her pictures. But unfortunately the lady was fired after five seasons for asking for a raise. Imagine that?

Then came the "Thigh Master," and anyone with a television was tortured with the infomercials where lycra-clad Miss Suzanne Summers squeezed a cheap and vulgar looking contraption between her thighs in a way that was more than just a little suggestive. All the while she grinned at the camera like the Cheshire cat talking about her firm thighs and booty. Dear jeezis, Your Mama is just so glad we are no longer subjected to that insanity.

Next came the "Somersizing" phenomena, where over weight ladies and gentlemen across America were encouraged to "Eat, Cheat, and Melt the Fat Away." Which certainly sounds appealing, but naturally Your Mama is skeptical. Miss Suzanne Somers continues to hawk her "Somersizing" program and makes boo-coo bucks selling the shit on the Home Shopping Network. Of course.

Most recently we have the brave breast cancer survivor and one-time ack-tress up on that Larry King Live show shrieking and yapping about something called Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy. Lawhd children, Your Mama only knows the definition of two of those four words, so we can't even begin to tell you what that is all about. But we know it is very controversial. Perhaps the nearly dead Larry King should consider a treatment or two of the bio-stuff if it'll help him see his youngest children graduate elementary school. Oh, ouch.

Miss Suzanne Summers has long been a resident of Malee-boo, and in January of 2007 her mansion burned to the ground during a wild fire. To the ground children. She lost every material thing she owned at that house. A real tragedy. Ever the optimist, Miss Suzanne Somers was quoted as saying, "My nature is to look at the glass half-full. I truly believe we will learn something great from this experience." Well, Your Mama may think she's strange like fruit, but we gotta respect that kind of positive thinking.

Miss Suzanne Somers and her ex-game show host huzband Alan Hamel are rebuilding their home, but in the meantime they need a place to live. It is Your Mama's understanding the couple have leased this big house up in the Serra Retreat to live in while construction proceeds full steam ahead on their house. Y'all may recognize the Serra Retreat as the same gated enclave Britney Spears and Kevin Federline lived, and where the couple are having a tough time selling their tainted spread.

The contemporary house with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms (two masters according to the listing), sits on 4.35 acres on one of the premiere non-ocean front streets in Malee-boo. The gated estate includes a large, flat and grassy yard with swimming pool and amazing ocean views.

Can y'all see the big, dramatic curving stair case in the entry? This house is really something and we can just see Miss Suzanne Somers coming to the big glass front door with a protein shake in one hand and syringe full of hormones in the other.

Sources: Internet Movie Data Base, MSNBC, Pierce Mattie, eDiets.com

Please Buy Rachel Hunter's Hideaway

SELLER: Rachel Hunter
LOCATION: N. Crescent Heights Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,995,000
SIZE: 4,078 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Built in the early 1930s. Abundance of charming character details everywhere you look. A gorgeous new oversized master bath w/ steam shower was recently added to the master suite which also has a loggia balcony with city views. Stunning open kitchen, mud room, 4 fireplaces, pool & gated on a mostly flat usable 12k+ lot. Finish big basement/media room w/storage. New dual zone heat/air + new systems. Move in.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Okay lovelies, Your Mama is going out on a limb with this one. We have a long list of celebrity homes to bring you but we must be feeling daring today because we have a property here where for months we have been unable to sort out the ownership. We asked one of our contacts who often knows what's what in celebrity real estate, let's call her Rita the Meter Maid, and she tells us that this house belongs to Miz Rachel Hunter...Sports Illustrated swim suit model mommy and ex-wifey of aging rock star Rod Stewart who keeps pumping out babies even though he's old enough to be Your Mama's grandpa.

Here's the thing...somewhere in the far and dark recessess of our failing memory, Your Mama recalls watching this blond and healthy looking gal on MTV's show Cribs. Although our powers of recollection are not always good we do remember thinking it was odd because Cribs usually shows the cribs of famous people with fleets of tricked out automobiles in front of big suburban houses outside Atlanta and places like that. But we also dimly recall that Rachel Hunter lived up in the hills of Los Angeles in a Spanish style house with a dog house she had built to look like a miniature version of the people house. Does anyone else remember that?

Anyhoo, this dwelling, purchased in April of 2004 for an undisclosed sum of money, is owned by a trust connected to the very same trust that is named on the property records for Mister Stewart's gargantuan yellow mansion up in Beverly Park, where he lives with his current wifey and any number of children including daughter Kimberly (who we will never forget falling over on that motorcyle on the red carpet), and prolly Sean, the son who, quite frankly, humiliated himself recently on the reality show Sons of Hollywood. Now there's a kid to be proud of. Jeezis, puh-leeze! Your Mama hopes he was "acting" on the show.

Sorry babies, we digress yet again. It is on the wisdom and information of Rita the Meter Maid that we say this house is owned and occupied by Rachel Hunter. Now, we might be wrong on this one. We are seldom incorrect, but we will publicly stand corrected and endure the 40 lashes if we lead you astray on this one.

Poor Rachel hasn't had an easy time finding a buyer for her pretty house. First put on the market sometime last fall, the price was recently reduced to it's current ask price of $2,999,000 from it's original ask price of $3,600,000. Looks like someone is getting serious about selling. Does this reduction reflect the state of the market in Los Angeles? Or was someone just a little too optimistic in the pricing? The house is also being put out for lease at $12,000 per month so you know Miz Hunter has either already moved or wants to move quick.

Behind the high hedges and super secure electronic gates sits a 1930s Tudor style house that has recently undergone a renovation the included upgrading and updating the services including adding dual zone heat and air. Which is lovely, but we might have considered a few more zones including one exclusively for the master suite.

The house has been decorated with romantic chandeliers and white sofas and silk covered headboards. It's all a little soft and girly for Your Mama's own tastes, but we are none the less quite impressed with the light and bright scheme.

We're not so into the French Country style cabinetry but we all really liking the soft green glass tiles behind the big Viking range. We also like this set up in the kitchen with the white slip covered chairs and the heavy wood table.

Your Mama can easily imagine curling up on that beige velvet sofa in the family room watching Shear Genius on the big flat screen while the fire crackles and our bitches Linda and Beverly cozy up next to us. Again, the decor here isn't what we'd chose for our own home, but it's really quite lovely. Simple. Elegant. Comfortable. And most impressive of all, it's not trying to be a room that screams "I cost a lot of money!"

The backyard pool area is nice and we appreciate a swimming pool on the smallish side. Because unless you're going to swim laps like Mark Spitz, than who needs an Olympic length pool like the one at Jamie Foxx's recently purchased spread up in Hidden Valley? Does anyone really think Mister Foxx is going to slide himself into a speedo and swim laps? No, we don't either.

But even better than the wee pool with the covered sitting area with the Balinese looking furniture including a big chaise lounge for napping in the shade. Nice touch Hunter.

We prefer not to spend a lot of energy on functional rooms such as the laundry, but we do appreciate that this one has been dressed up with a chandelier. That's right, no need to wash and fold in a dark, dank, and unattractive space. It just so happens that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have the very same wash and dry machines as Miz Hunter, although ours are the platinum color.

This house really does look like a nice house. Modest for a big celeb, but we like that. And it's conveniently located up in the hills above the Chateau Marmont and Sunset Boulevard. Another big bonus to the celebrity set. Your Mama sincerely wishes Miz Hunter all the best in getting this house sold.

Ellen and Portia Do It Again in the Hollywood Hills

SELLER: Ellen Degeneres and Portia Di Rossi
LOCATION: Zorada Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,300,000
SIZE: 2,755 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.75 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Classic 1956 post & beam. Exceptional mid-century modern home, constructed in a U-shape around a sun-drenched pool w mountain/city views. Walled/gated with long private drive, perfect for celebrity. Classic open floor plan, loft-like feel, handsome concrete floors. Remodeled to showcase art & classic furniture. Walls of glass open to pool & adj. areas. Sunny master opens to pool. 2 other BRs. The best of mid-century post & beam design, amplified by long private drive & excellent view lot.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A few weeks ago Your Mama got an email from someone we do not know who asked us if we had heard anything about talk show queen Ellen Degeneres and her actress girlyfriend Portia Di Rossi getting ready to sell their Hollywood Hills properties. We hadn't heard a whisper or a peep. But we kept our ear to the ground and our eyes glued to the mls until this afternoon when our eyes just about popped out of our head.

Ellen and the Missus own two properties up on Zorada Drive. One is a long low Cliff May style ranch style that one of our readers says bigwig architects Marmol and Radziner did up before the ladies purchased the place. The other sits just next door and down the hill and is described in the listing as a classic mid-century modern post and beam, which has been listed for $2,300,000.

All the celebrity real estate nuts out there are well aware of the prolific buying and selling of this lezbian couple. Most recently the happy couple put their flaw-less weekend retreat in Montecito on the market for a blistering $24,000,000. Previous to that the Sapphic couple had sold their ranch in the sticks of the Santa Ynez Valley, which is the same general vicinity of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.

And previous to that, Ellen sold off her compound of houses over on Woodrow Wilson Drive and Woodstock Road including a property called "The Treehouse" that was eventually purchased in June 0f 2006 by the straight, but homo friendly actor Heath Ledger.

The property the gurls are selling sits at the top of Nichols Canyon and is accessed down a long gated drive. So don't any of you crazies get any ideas about driving your cars up and down Zorada Drive. Your Mama happens to know that neither this house, nor the big ranch house can be seen from the road. So the chance that you might spot this couple spreading suntan lotion on each other or playing in the sprinklers on a hot summer's day is none.

We expect this house was given a work over by Ellen's team of architects and designers. And their efforts have paid off. We LOVE this house. The house has been done up in the modern and comfortable style we've come to expect from Ellen.

The house was purchased in March of 2006 for $1,868,018 according to property records. So it would seem that after the renovations and the fat commissions are paid the the real estate agents, there won't be much money made. Maybe just enough that they can buy themselves a first class cabin on one of Rosie's lezbian family cruises.

There's little Your Mama does not like about this house including the furniture. Our bliss begins at the foot of the gated drive. Your Mama feels a long gated drive provides a level of privacy that is necessary if you're famous our just a person who likes privacy. We are drawn to the front door with its soaring glass facade that is set apart of the rest of the house with it's plain, windowless concrete walls. Gorgeous.

The living room pleasantly opens to the pool deck through a wall of glass sliders. Sliders can feel a little old fashioned and dated, but in this case we think they were the perfect solution. We can't see all of the room, but we hope there is a fireplace at the end of the room we are unable to eyeball. Your Mama might suggest a spikey plant in here to give it a little extra life...perhaps a mother in law tongue would look scrumptious.

The kitchen has been wonderfully pared down to it's fundamental uses, and works perfectly on the level that it does not try to impress anyone with fancy cabinetry and a million feet of expensive and imported granite. We are completely in love with the picnic table for the dining room, as well as the fact that this room opens to the outside on two opposite walls, creating a large porch like space that is more outside than inside when the sliders are all pulled open.

Ordinarily we're not big on big bedrooms, but this one is plucking all our happy nerves. Dig the fireplace, love the barely there furniture and, again, the wall of sliders give us goose bumps. Imagine being able to sleep in the that big bed with the Santa Anas blowing lightly through the sliders. Loverly.

Your Mama expects this house will be sold next week, so if you're in the market and liking what you see, call your people and get over there lickety-split.

We sit on pins and needles waiting to see if the big Marmol and Radziner ranch house is going to be sold as well, and also what lucky properties will be getting the Ellen and Portia treatment next.

The House Tommy Mottola Built

SELLER: Tommy Mottola
LOCATION: Keeler Lane/Hilltop Drive, North Salem, NY
PRICE: $19,500,000
SIZE: 11.9 acres, 10,600 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, 3 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Offering hypnotic views reaching over the scenic Hudson River to the Catskill Mountains, on nearly 12 acres. Complete privacy and magnificent, meticulously landscaped grounds. Newly constructed 11,000 square foot master work features exceptional architecture and world class finishes. Located just 45 minutes from NYC.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today, the incomparable Braden Keil at the New York Post titillated and intrigued the world with this week's Gimme Shelter column. The lead story was about pop music Svengali Tommy Mottola offering his large Westchester County estate, dubbed "The Summit," up for sale for nearly $20,000,000.

Many people think this former CEO of Sony lined his own pockets with the vast proceeds of the groups he represented and managed. Although his star shines less brightly than it once did in the music industry he remains a powerful, polarizing, and controversial figure.

The thrice married music mogul's second betroth-ed was the kooky and unstable vocal acrobat Mariah Carey. The couple dee-vorced in 1998 after about ten years of marriage and career management during which Mariah became "MARIAH," a period of time the whistle stop happy songstress does not speak fondly. Mottola later dated Bronx born diva Jennifer Lopez for a hot minute and then, in 2000 married Thalia, a much younger Mexican pop star and soap opera regular.

Readers of glossy gossip magazines like Vanity Fair and New York Magazine already know that Mottola has a reputation for lavish living. The flamboyant and temperamental music mogul has been known to splurge on luxuries like a perfume refrigerator for his wife, bullet proof cars, a small army of armed and scary security guards, and of course, outrageous homes.

Mottola once paid David Geffen $13,300,000 for an Upper East Side townhouse that he later put on the market for a shocking $27,000,000. He also owned a private compound on celebrity friendly Star Island in Miami which had both indoor and outdoor pools. The weather can be so terrible in Miami, so the indoor pool really makes a lot of sense to Your Mama. He has also owned a string of homes in the Hamptons including spreads in Sag Harbor and Shelter Island.

An article in New York Magazine quotes a supposed friend of Mottola who says, “Tommy has an addiction to buying lavish, enormous places, overpaying for them, putting millions and millions of dollars into them, most often with good taste, showing off with them,” says a friend, “and then when they’re finished, he suddenly realizes they’re too big or too expensive.”

That must be the case at this recently completed mansion in North Salem, about 45 minutes north of New York City, where it seems his staff has hardly got his designer underwear carefully placed in custom designed dressing room drawers before he decided to sell the 11.9 acre property that features expansive views of the mighty Hudson River and incredible privacy.

As best as Your Mama can surmise, Mottola cobbled this property together by purchasing three separate parcels. One parcel was purchased in 1996 and the other two in 2000. We presume it was then that Mottola began the process of designing and building his monster, Aspen-ish mansion.

According the Mister Keil and the listing for the property, the house was decorated by Aspen based designer Linda Bedell, and features acres of exotic woods and impressive stone work. The house sprawls across nearly 11,000 square feet of space with five bedrooms, gourmet kitchen, great room with vaulted ceilings and two fireplaces, den, office with fireplace, family room, a gym, sauna, and of course, a vast master bedroom suite featuring two decadent bathrooms.

Outside, the property offers an infinity edged swimming pool, guest quarters with studio, fire pit, a hilltop gazebo, and room to roam on 11.9 acres.

What does Your Mama think of the place? Well, to be honest children, we're terrified of Mister Mottola and his retinue of goons. So we're keeping our opinionated mouth shut about this one. We'll let you hash it out in the comments if you please.

Sources: NNDB, New York Magazine, Socialite Life

Your Mama Hears...

...that high end real estate agents all up and down Sunset Boulevard, from Los Feliz in the east to Malee-boo at the west, are whispering and chattering that ousted Disney CEO Michael Eisner might be looking to unload his vast ocean front compound on the Encinal Bluffs in Malee-boo.
Beginning in the mid 1990s, Eisner bought up five contiguous ocean front lots and built a tremendous Mediterranean style compound that includes at least five buildings that are covered in 4-inch thick limestone. Among the buildings is a main house, a guest house, and a large "cabana" on the beach at the base of the steep bluff.

Your Mama knows precious little about this compound, but we did recently read that Eisner somehow managed to get approval from the ridiculously powerful California Coastal Commission to install an elevator that carries the uber pampered Eisner family and their lucky guests two stories down into the bluff where they are unloaded on the same level as the beach cabana.

Your Mama can not imagine the wrangling it took to get the necessary approvals for that elevator, but we certainly appreciate that it's there, because Your Mama would surely have a coronary hiking up that bluff after a day of frying our skin and dipping our toes in the cool waters of the Pacific Ocean.

Once source in Malee-boo tells not to be surprised by an asking price well in excess of $75,000,000. Yikes! We'll keep you posted when we get more information, and of course if any of you children in Malee-boo know anything, you should let Your Mama know.

Sources: Slate

Your Mama Hears...

...that rock and roll scion, and ex-Mrs. Michael Jackson, Lisa Marie Presley runs a celebrity flop house up in Summit Circle, an exclusive guard gated community located high in the hills of Beverly.

All the celebrity real estate freaks out there will recall that The Summit is where Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale recently purchased a mammoth modern house once owned by Jennifer Lopez who owned this house back when she still wanted the world to call her JLo.

Other residents in The Summit include Holly Robinson Peete, Ed McMahon, and the perplexing and perpetually troubled single mommy Britney Spears, all of whom have recently had their houses on the market.

A well connected source tells Your Mama that Presley's most recent high profile temporary tenant is none other than Australian actress and red carpet fashion maverick Cate Blanchett along with hubby Andrew Upton and their two kiddies. We understand the family moved their belongings into the 5,000+ square foot house only last week.

But Cate is hardly the only celebrity tenant who has shelled out rent to Lisa Marie. Two sources confirm that other big name renters have included Shaquille O'Neal and tennis great Pete Sampras. We were also told this is the same house the McMahons leased when they were having deadly mold removed from their current residence.

We haven't a clue why Presley would own a luxury house in a gated community that she rents out to the rich and famous. But if Your Mama has said it once, we've said it a thousand times, celebrities are capricious and fickle about their real estate doings. There is simply no sense in trying to make sense of what they do with the real estate.

Whatever the case, Your Mama wishes the Blanchett/Upton family all the happiness in the world in their temporary home.

UPDATE: Avril "The Spitter" Lavigne

We're a little tired of wasting our time and working our little fingers to the nubbins over this foul mouthed pop-punk princess. But we just wanted to add one more thing to this whole bizness about The Spitter not buying the former Travis Barker house in Bel Air. Remember that children? Remember not long ago how The Spitter was telling press people that she didn't buy a house in Los Angeles?

Well, Your Mama can not reveal our source for the information, let's just call her Jane Doe, but we understand from Jane that there are three entities connected to the house on Stratford Circle. Neither is The Spitter, but one is a concert touring company that is associated with The Spitter. This touring company is perhaps not coincidentally also associated with the mansion she's having a difficult time selling up in Mulholland Estates.

The second entity is The Spitter's management company.

The the third entity is the name of her manager, Tina Kennedy.

So it would appear that either The Spitter bought the house, or that her manager Tina bought the house. We think it's The Spitter and she's just trying to fool with the paps and gossips. We're sure the paps will soon enough photo her and hubby driving like demons through the gates of Bel Air Crest, the guard gated community where the house is located.

Gale Anne Hurd and Jonathan Hensleigh's Pasadena Palace

SELLER: Gale Anne Hurd
LOCATION: South San Rafael Avenue, Pasadena, CA
PRICE: $15,000,000
SIZE: 3.05 acres, 13,500+ square feet, 7 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Majestically positioned on an exquisite 3 acre knoll in Pasadena's most prestigious neighborhood, this magnificent estate, designed by renowned architect Sylvanus Marston in 1923, has been heralded as "one of the finest examples of Spanish Revival architecture in the United States," as well as "one of Pasadena's most picturesque and treasured landmarks." Meticulously restored & remodeled in 2003, this villa exemplifies superb craftsmanship & authentic architectural detailing.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As we often are on Wednesdays, Your Mama is short on time. So this morning we're going to bring you a short and sweet post about a big ol' Spanish style house in Pasadena with a big ol' price tag. Belonging to powerhouse film producer Gale Anne Hurd and her third huzband, the screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh, this house, while not to every one's taste, is a tour de force in restoration and renovation.

Miz Hurd, a brainiac Stanford graduate with a double degree in economics and communications, has a long history producing extremely successful action and sci-fi films including the shockingly lucrative Terminator series, Aliens, Hulk, Raising Cain, and dozens more. The lady has made boo-coo bucks producing movies and she clearly likes to spend it on a nice place to bed down at night. Who can blame her?

Huzband Jonathan is known as a prolific screenwriter, also in the action/sci-fi genre, having penned a number of episodes of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles for the boob tube and The Punisher, Jumanji, and Die Hard: With a Vengeance for the big screen. He too has made a lot of money in Hollywood.

According to property records, the couple purchased this house in 2001 for $5,200,000. Records also show the house at a huge 11,512 square feet, but a recent report in the Wall Street Journal stated the couple expanded the house during the extensive renovation and restoration and now the place tops 13,500 square feet with seven bedrooms and 11 bathrooms.

Oh Lawhdy, here we have yet another mansion with so many bathroom you got to hire a girl to do nothing but scrub the damn terlits. Are rich people so lazy they can't walk more than 10 feet to a terlit and need a pooper in every room?

The 3-acre property climbs up a small hill and includes impressive entrance gates, tennis court, a simple, beautiful and rectangular pool, guest house, formal gardens and a large man-made lagoon out back. The lagoon looks nice, but Your Mama is concerned about the skeeters and the serious chemicals that are surely necessary to keep the skeeters from mating and proliferating.

Usually Your Mama macks on humongous houses feeling like so many are tacky wastes of space that most people don't know how to decorate (see 50 Cent's house of horror and Jamie Foxx's recent purchase of an upsetting 17,000 square foot bad dream). But this one we are swooning over. There is little in this house that we would put in our own house, but it's all so exquisitely "done" that it's tough to find something to really beef about.

Normally we hate billiard rooms, but this one has that gorgeous rug and we are totally digging the burnt orange felt on the pool table. Even the drapes, somehow, work.

The master bedroom includes of a sitting room with another marvelous rug. We hate the sofa and chairs, but we'll let that slide. Also in the master are two beautifully restored and elegant bathrooms. We could not be more thrilled that Miz Hurd and Mister Hensleigh did not rip out all that great tile and replace it with acres of imported marble. Nothing wrong with imported marble, but if you could have this, well, that's better in our book.

Clearly the couple had a very talented and experienced gay decorator up in this house working decorating magic at every turn. The house manages to be elegant and sophisticated and still feel like a place you could comfortably curl up barefooted and read a script.

We don't want to live in Pasadena, but we do want to spend the weekend at this house. So Gale dear, please call Your Mama before you move so we can come over and lay around by that pool sipping gin and tonics and eating little cute finger foods prepared by the chef.

Coincidentally, Miz Hurd's former house in Beverly Hills, now owned by celebrity fitness freak Gunnar Peterson and his extremely rich heiress wife Janet, has recently popped on to the market.

Sources: Wall Street Journal, Luke Ford, Internet Movie Data Base

Akiva Goldsman Is Leaving the Hollywood Hills

SELLER: Akiva Goldsman
LOCATION: Cole Crest Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,595,000
SIZE: 2,910 square feet (per assesor), 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Unique Architectural with the best view in Los Angeles. Loft like space with multi-lvls of sep flex. areas. Main flr w/living, chef's kit, dining, mst and gst all open to astounding views. 2nd floor with A-frame studio, lounge, bath and office area, opens to pvt sun-drenched pool with head on views. Expansive patio/decking around pool. 3rd floor has gst bdrm, bath and ofc/studio. Hidden lower level with cardio/gym rm. Adj lot also avail. One of a kind!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In case you don't recognize the name Akiva (Keevie) Goldsman, let Your Mama give you a Hollywood run down. This Brooklyn born producer/screenwriter happens to be one of the few screenwriters still working steadily in Hollywood. He's also an Oscar Award winning screenwriter for his adaption for the film A Beautiful Mind, the movie that gave bad boy Russell Crowe household name status and, if you ask Your Mama, an enormously swelled sense of his talent and value.

Keevie also happens to be one of the most highly paid screenwriters in Hollywood. He was reportedly paid a stunning $4,000,000 to adapt the screenplay for the sequel of The Da Vinci Code, which is set to star big money actor Tom Hanks and, it is rumored, ex-Victoria Secret model and wanne be ack-tress Gisele Bundchen. Please. Aren't people tired of seeing middle aged actors with receding hairlines romancing and kissing on young model types up on the big screen? Your Mama has a suggestion...How about getting a woman with some actual acting chops who is older than 35 to play opposite 50-something year old Hanks, who is clearly old enough to be Bundchen's father.

Many say Goldsman, who is more likely to adapt a novel than write an original script, turns out one big budget stinker after another. Other people, including Mister Goldsman himself, say he uses simple and formulaic story archs. All of which may be true. But it's tough to argue with success, and clearly Keevie has had some serious success in Hollywood having been involved with several hugely grossing films that have made many-a-man in Hollywood as rich as Rockefellers and Vanderbilts.

Keevie has had so much success in the last 5 or 10 years that he's selling his Hollywood Hills house and moving over to the house he just purchased in Beverly Hills. Our sources tell Your Mama that this is the man who purchased Anthony Kiedis' magnificent house, which was recently on the market for nearly $7,000,000.

Keevie and wifey Rebecca appear to have purchased this house up on Cole Crest Drive back in August of 1993. But then again, it could have been only in May of 2003. The records we accessed are confusing, but we're getting this sussed out and will correct and confirm this date when we figure it out.

Tax records show the house at 2,910 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms (listing shows 4 baths). The house sits high in the hills and truly has the sort of Los Angeles view dreams are made of. The view is so spectacular that it almost does not matter what the house looks like. Almost. Your Mama thinks this house looks like it's got a split personality. Clearly this house used to be a modest A-frame that has been redone and expanded to it's current unusually shaped configuration.

The exterior of the house is a little jumpy, and the odd angles make our eyes nervous. But once in the front door, the living spaces are really quite interesting, and even thrilling in some spots. We L.O.V.E. that living room/studio in the A-frame. The soaring and peaked ceiling gives Your Mama goose bumps, and we totally appreciate the palette in this space. The super-white walls and ceiling, and the glistening white floor create a clean space that zooms the eye out to the carpet of lights below. The use of the blue accents may be a tried and true design technique, but it successfully draws the sky inside and creates a lovely and envy producing space that feels both inside and outside.

Your Mama gets tired of grandly scaled living rooms and entrance halls with 25 foot ceilings and dual stair cases, not to mention the billiard rooms that nobody uses, the party rooms, and the vast manicured grounds that require an army of illegal workers to keep looking presentable. This house, with it's modest square footage and reasonably scaled rooms, is a breath of fresh air.

We appreciate the lightness of the kitchen, but we're always a bit hesitant with butcher block counter tops. They look amazing when they are first installed, but once they've been chopped and cut on for a few years they look like something in, well, a butcher shop.

We love the back terrace with the pool, dining pavilion and jaw dropping view. We love that there's no lawn back there that requires maintenance and watering...Your Mama is all for the xeriscaping in California where we are are certain there will be battles and wars over water in the coming years.

Despite the strange exterior articulation, Your Mama is totally digging this house. However, we do have one significant concern. And that is, of course, the glass railing. Yes, it does look lovely and it allows for unobstructed sight lines. But, obviously, Your Mama is concerned about the gallons of Windex required to keep all that glass clean, not to mention the difficulty in finding a maid who is willing to spend day after day in the blazing sun rubbing that glass clear of fingerprints and nose prints from the dog(s). We are also concerned about drunken accidents. All big time boozers who come over to this house for backyard bbqs will need to be tethered to the house so they don't stumble over that railing. As y'all can see, the drop is sheer and someone falling over board here would be disastrous.

Your Mama would like to wish Keevie and wifey all the best in their new house and all the best in selling this one. Given their penchant for understated luxury and casual elegance, we expect they will do the nearly perfect Kiedis house justice. Now Keevie hunny, give Your Mama a shout when you get settled so we can come over and talk about casting for your upcoming projects.

Sources: Internet Movie Data Base, Just Well Mixed, Movie Web, Cinema Blend