Moises Alou Who?

SELLER: Moises Alou
LOCATION: Noe Street, San Francisco
PRICE: $1,949,000
SIZE: 2,300 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths
DESCRIPTION: Rebuilt in 2005. Panoramic views of downtown SF and East Bay. Top open floor plan ideal for entertaining, panoramic view deck off the living room and landscaped slate patio off the kitchen. The kitchen includes: Wolf 6-burner stove, Thermador oven, built in Sub Zero refrigerator and Fisher Paykel dishwasher. Living room boats high ceilings and a romantic fireplace. Master suite with gas fireplace and bath with soaring ceilings. Limestone counters and floors. Two car garage, side by side parking.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama would like to confess: we do not know anything about baseball other than it involves bats, balls and a triangular shaped playing field. When we read this man was selling his house we drew a total blank. Who? He plays what position?

So Your Mama got right on the horn and called up our San Francisco sidekick Fiona Trambeau for some 411 on this man with the unusual name. Lawhd children, Fiona Trambeau is crazy in all kinds of ways, but top of that list is ball crazy. Fiona talked a blue streak about this man. Just about the only things we can recall are this man plays in the outfield, and has swung and caught in Chicago, New York and now in San Francisco where his daddy, Felipe Alou, was at one time a team manager. Typically, Miss Trambeau also ran her mouth about how good he looks and how nice his booty is, but that's just standard issue trash talk from Fiona and a different sort of story angle altogether babies.

Anyhoo, this Moises Alou is married to a woman named Austria–do y'all think this is her real name, 'cause Your Mama has never heard of anyone named after that par-tick-ular European country before–and they have lived out in family friendly Noe Valley for the last couple of years in this rather modest house. Your Mama has to say, after years of watching all the flash and excess that seems to go along with multi-million dollar sports contracts, we were somewhat surprised to see a professional ball player show some real estate restraint.

This house, rebuilt from the ground up in 2005, climbs up the side of a hill in three stories. The ground level contains a 2 car side by side garage...and all you San Franciscans know the value of a side by side...and an entrance foyer. Up the stairs and the second floor contains the bedrooms and bathrooms, three and two respectively. Up more stairs and you arrive at the open plan living/dining/kitchen area that includes big views and a little terrace.

Your Mama is not sure we have the lung power to be climbing all these stairs day in an day out, dragging the vacuum up and down, running after the kids. But we do like that kitchen with all the windows, and there's nothing Your Mama likes more than a lovely South facing terrace for her bitches to sun themselves.

It is unclear whether Mr. Alou and wifey are leaving the Bay Area or just moving house. However, back in November, the sports friendly blog sfist reported Alou is out of there, at least as a team player. Any San Francisco sport fans out there know what the latest skinny is, be sure to let Your Mama know.

Sources: real estate journal, sfluxe, sfarmls, sfist, fiona trambeau

Real Estate Pornography V, San Francisco Style

SELLER: Gladyne Kenderine Mitchell
LOCATION: 2901 Broadway, San Francisco
PRICE: Unknown
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 2 staff bedrooms, 7 full and 1 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: No description provided by listing agents.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: First of all, Your Mama wants the children to know the furniture shown in these photos does NOT belong to the homeowner. Babies, don't go knocking Ms. Mitchell over the choices of couches and cupboards or for that disturbing and ostentatious Louis Vuitton headboard in the master bedroom. See, prior to coming to market, this house had some severe cosmetic challenges and was done up by some of San Francisco's best design divas to make it look good for a charity benefit last September.

The Italianate palazzo covers an astounding half a city block in blue blood Pacific Heights. This centrally located section of the City is positively crawling with San Francisco plutocrats including Hales, Haases and Gettys, as well as the Steel/Traina clan. Children, if you don't already know, San Francisco high society is every bit as exclusive, patrician, and filthy rich as those found in New York and Palm Beach. And don't you forget it hunny.

Of course, all these fancy folks need someplace nice to live. Fortunately, untold numbers of behemoth and ornate mansions cling to the hills and valleys of this small city. But few compare to the Mitchell manse. Built in 1925, it was purchased in 1944 by drugstore tycoon Mitchel L. Mitchell for...hold on to your wigs babies...$93,000. (The current owner is the daughter of Mr. Mitchell.) Rumors abound in real estate and upper crust circles across the Bay Area the list price for this fixer-upper hovers around $75,000,000, but no one, least of all the listing agents, will confirm that number.

Last fall, SFLuxe, a blog about all things blue-blooded in the City, had an anonymous tipster who has been in the house write in with some interesting tidbits about the condition of the property. Apparently Ms. Mitchell has not kept the house up-to-date over the years and prior to it's $1,000-a-ticket charity ball makeover, the interior of the house was wreckage--and some areas still are. This tipster claims the reason there are no photos of the bathrooms or kitchens is they are worn out relics of the past with "linoleum! cracked tiles!" and, "orange counter tops!" Although orange is our favorite color, this is certainly not what Your Mama, or any buyer paying upwards of $50,000,000 for a home, might expect.

Reports say the house is around 10,000 square feet, but much of that square footage, according to the tipster, is taken up by a warren of rooms behind and on the two floors above the garage level. These rooms are dark, unpleasant storage and staff areas mostly but also include a few public rooms such as a library.

Another drawback to this urban palace is the stairs. The house is equipped with an elevator from garage level to bedroom level, which is great for the staff bringing up the groceries, but the guests are going to be having a heart attack climbing up to the front door. If dinner is at eight, you better start up these steps at about seven fifteen. And if you're wearing heels, bring some sneakers you can stash in the bushes once you arrive at the top.

For all it's quirks and conditions, Your Mama thinks the house is really quite impressive and has loads of positives too. All the white collar spor-teef children out there will swoon with desire when discovering the most significant feature of this property...a regulation sized tennis court for a backyard. Yes babies, this unusual feature is quite possibly the only private tennis court in all of San Francisco.

The interior may need updating and some smoothing out of the rough edges, but babies, look at the bones to this house. Imagine sweeping down that staircase and floating across that marble floor. It's a bit difficult to see in these photos, but the view from the upper floors is the sort of view only San Francisco can provide...Golden Gate bridge, Alcatraz, the bay, and the rooftops of all the less fortunate in the quicksand flats of the Marina District.

New York may be the hard driving financial capital of the U-nited States. And Los Angeles may be the mild weathered home of celebrities (and celebretards). But puppies, there's just something about all those quirky, shabbily genteel houses in San Francisco that make Your Mama's heart go pitter patter.

For as long as it's left up, more photos and floor plans can be found at the website set up by the listing agents, so git on over there while you can.

Sources: sfluxe, Marin Independent Journal, and San Francisco Business Times

Whitney Saves Her House

Babies, we're sorry to have to bust into our lovely San Francisco postings, but Your Mama wants to get all the children informed on some breaking news about recovering superstar Whitney Houston. Oh Lawhd children, we all know the troubles this woman has had over the last 10 years so we're just not going to go into all that stuff.

What Your Mama would like to discuss here is the much reported foreclosure on Whitney's New Jersey estate (pictured above from the air). The first thing all the children should know is Miss Whitney owed $1,235,961 and 71 cents in back taxes and mortgage payments on property in New Jersey. This amount can be verified by viewing the sales pages on the Morris County Sheriff's website.

However, according to a November 15th report, the property that was to be auctioned off to remedy this tax problem was not the actual estate, but rather an adjacent property. The adjacent property was scheduled to go to auction on the 4th of January, 2007. But is seems Miss Whitney (or perhaps a benefactor like Clive Davis?) settled the account with the tax man and the property will not be sold at auction. This can also be verified by having a look-see at the Morris County Sheriff's website where it is marked "Cancelled - Settlement."

It remains to be seen whether Miss Whitney will keep this mammoth, modern estate now that she's a single momma and spending most of her time getting her act together in Los Angeles. However, Your Mama predicts we will indeed see this property come to the market in the next 6 or 8 months. It costs a small king's ransom to maintain a property like this and no doubt Miss Whitney will want to put all that Bobby Brown business behind here by selling on this house of reality television horrors.

Anyone who knows Your Mama knows we never personally cared for Miss Whitney's brand of caterwauling, but that does not mean we ever took any glee in the possibility she was going to be tossed out on her keister. Even crazy singer ladies with issues need a place to call home. So congratulations Miss Whitney and Your Mama hopes you find some peace in 2007.