Rafael Furcal's Townhouse of Horrors

SELLER: Rafael Furcal
LOCATION: S. Oakland Avenue, Pasadena, CA
PRICE: $1,159,000
SIZE: 1,860 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Fantastic "Celebrity" owned newer one of a kind 3 level incredible "Venezian townhouse. Shows like a model. May be Largest unit in complex. Mahogany flrs, custom stone work, ganite & custom tiles, master suite with fireplace, open cooks kitchen, Viking appliances outside Viking grill, Private elevator, 3 bedrooms, 5 baths, Great bonus/billiard/media room, 2 car private garage, Flat sceen TV & sound equip & some furniture is available. Great unit!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows about as much about baseball as Prissy knew about birthin' babies in Gone With the Wind. Which is basically nothin'. So quick now, boil up some water and get me a pile of clean towels because Your Mama is going to attempt to tell you something about Rafael Furcal, who the internets tell us is a short stop for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the Pasadena condominium he has on the market for $1,159,000.

Now babies, ordinarily Your Mama can not be found combing the condominium listings in Pasadena. We know that Pasadena has some gorgeous Greene and Greene residences and we are well acquainted with the so called Suicide Bridge that spans the Arroyo Seco in Old Town Pasadena. But that is about it for our paltry knowledge of pretty Pasadena. However Your Mama received an email from a gentleman we'll call Lenny Loudmouth who tipped us off to this listing.

Of course, before chatting with Lenny Loudmouth, Your Mama had never iven heard of this Mister Rafael Fucal. A quick search on the internets and Your Mama learned that Mister Furcal, a native Dominican, goes by the naughty sounding nick name "Fookie," has a couple of DUIs under his belt, performed something rare called the "unassisted triple play, and a quick look at the photos provided with the listing for the condo Mister "Fookie" calls home, tells Your Mama that the short stop stops short of having good taste. This well developed athlete could certainly benefit from a nice gay decorator to getting up in his townhouse condominium to work some serious magic.

According to property records, Mister "Fookie" only purchased this 3 bedroom and 4 bathroom townhouse style condominium in April of 2006 for $1,139,000. Which means that with the current asking price of $1,159,000, Mister "Fookie" will be losing money on the transaction after the real estate fees are paid. Which is pretty tough to do in the greater Los Angeles real estate market, even with the mortgage markets in turmoil.

We can all thank the baby jeezis that this three floor townhouse comes with it's own private elevator servicing all floors, because not all Pasadena townhouse lovers have the physical abilities and stamina that a professional baseball player like Mister "Fookie" surely has.

No babies, your eyeballs are not going bad, the photos of the interior are indeed fuzzy with some sort of dizzying pattern, but if you squint your eyes, you'll find it's not worth the effort to do so.

Your Mama has got two questions that perhaps the children can discuss:

1. What is it about heterosexual bachelor men that makes them want a pool table? You don't find these felt covered monstrosities up in the homes of single homosexuals. And do not tell Your Mama that the gays don't play pool. Because if you say that then clearly you have never been to bar where the homosexually inclined congregate. Fierce pool competitions children, fierce.

2. Who is the bikini clad babe in the big photograph hanging on the back wall of the bedroom? Please tell Your Mama that is not Mister "Fookie's" mama.

Note to Lenny Loudmouth...you got any additional information on Mister "Fookie" that you would like to see discussed on Your Mama's little blog, you be sure to give us a shout.

John O'Hurley's House of Hemp

SELLER: John OHurley
LOCATION: Monte Cielo Court, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $6,200,000
SIZE: 5,283 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday, the good people over at People announced that actor John O'Hurley and his wifey Lisa have put their Beverly Hills house on the market for $6,200,000 and Your Mama and all the internet children have Miz Rachel P. to thank for sending us the link, because Your Mama does not read that particular magazine...too many human interest stories about folks with missing limbs that have nothing to do with celebrities. Thank you People, but we do not want to read about Rhonda and her inspiring story of losing 300 pounds so she could carry a child. Please.

Anyhoo, The bizzy Mister O'Hurley has many nice acting credits under his belt, but Your Mama best remembers the grey haired actor as the arrogant and dimwitted J. Peterman on Seinfeld. We bet you do to. We'd be remiss not to also mention his recent turn in Spamalot (in Las Vegas, natch), his hosting duties on the game show Family Feud, and his less admirable appearance on the awful hit show Dancing With the Stars. We know that show is a huge success, HUGE, but Your Mama just cringes with embarrassment for the folks on that show. We'll watch it, but we gotta keep one eye closed whenever a former Teen Beat heart throb or an aging actor with a saggy booty struts out on the stage in a pair of too tight pants and a flowing flamenco blouse. Poor things. Everyone has gotta do what they gotta do to pay the mortgage and stay in the public eye.

Located up Coldwater Canyon on a small cul de sac of just four houses, the newly renovated "Italian villa" sits spitting distance from bawdy comedian Jack Black's low slung modern house, but Your Mama just can't imagine these two sitting down together for a bottle of wine and backyard bbq.

The 5,283 square foot house, freshly renovated by the 52 year old O'Hurley who recently became a first time daddy with his much younger blond wifey (surprise!), has 5 bedrooms a living room, dining room, eat in kitchen and a media room. According to the listing information, this house also has nine damn bathrooms, so it is just a good thing there are also maids quarters for the overworked Lucinda to crawl to after scrubbing nine terlits day in and day out.

Your Mama wants to discuss two of those nine bathrooms, specifically the two master bathrooms, which listing information and decor clearly indicate are for a him and a her. Guess the well to do Bev Hills homos and lesbos will not be living up in this house with it's distinctly his and hers master bathrooms. One is all dark marble and woody with a men's club feel and the other is light and bright with a mirrored side table and a soaking tub, because everyone knows the ladies like to soak. It's just so cliche. Obviously this can be changed, but where is a power lezbian in Hollywood going to find more of that chocolate brown marble?

According to the website set up by the listing agent, the walls of the entrance hall have been covered in Japanese silk-hemp. Which can be very convenient when you can't get through to your too dope dealer who's too bizzy with all the young Hollywood starvelets to make a house call. You can just smoke the wall paper.

Perhaps now that there is a baby O'Hurly, the couple prefer to live in a house that does not span three full floors of living space. Certainly chasing a small child up and down the stiars is good for keeping the nanny's weight down, but not so good if the baby takes a tumble. Or maybe they're just looking to cash in on the property.

Your Mama stands corrected on the dates Mister O'Hurley purchased this house...the records we accessed showed a purchase date of in 1990, however, multiple sources have confirmed what one of our lovely readers stated in the comments section that indeed Mister O'Hurley purchased the house only in December of 2004. The records we accessed did show a 1990 purchase date, but this is not an exact science children. We apologize for the error, we do strive to be accurate, but sometimes mistakes are made. Thanks to those who assisted in bringing the error to our attention.

Sources: People

Check Mate!

One of my favorite fabric houses these days is Chelsea Editions or Chelsea Textiles, depending upon which side of the pond you are located. Chelsea specializes in hand embroidered fabrics made in India. Besides selling fabric, they also sell reproduction furniture based on Swedish antiques. Though Chelsea is famous for their embroidered fabrics, it's their check fabrics that speak to me. Chelsea sells checks in every colorway, but, apparently, they must not be very proud of them because the checks are absent from their web site! Despite their second class status, I've become check crazy. I recently came to this conclusion looking around my house and going over projects I've worked on lately. I just can't get enough of checks. Here's what I mean. This is my sitting room with it's checked daybed and checked french chair:

And here's my unfinished bedroom with it's Chelsea checked headboard and drapes:

And here's a client's Swedish sofa that I covered in a Chelsea check:

And here's a pink Chelsea check:

Oh, look, here's a taupe check:

And here's another Chelsea check on the bench and a Chelsea embroidered duvet.

I'm not the only designer who loves checks. Mario Buatta has a thing for them too. Here he uses a check on the settee:

And here in a Houston home, Buatta uses a red check for the draperies:

Buatta must like big scaled checks, he uses a yellow one for these draperies:

Mariette Himes Gomez uses checks in the traditional way, on the back of a French fauteuil:

Someone who loves checks more than me, New York designer Jeffrey Bilhuber surprised people with his excessive use of checks in his new apartment:

Bilhuber's dining room:

Houston's Michael Siller also covered an entire room in his house with checks. Do you think he inspired Bilhuber?

Dallas designer Cathy Kincaid uses checks to line the bed's canopy.

Michael Smith is known for using this blue and white check in his designs. It shows up again and again:

Kathryn Ireland uses checks alot, also. Here she uses a dark blue check to contrast with the all white French styled bedroom:

In this vintage photograph, socialite Gloria Vanderbilt sits under one of the collages that she was famous for making. The check in the collage matches the fabric on the couch. The two matching Venetian mirrors are drop dead gorgeous! Playing next to her are her two sons. One is the famous CNN reporter: Anderson Cooper. Are you aware of what happened to the other son?

In France, checks are frequently used as a secondary fabric to toile:

John Stefinidis, interior designer extraordinaire, likes to use checks:

New Orleans' Gerrie Bremermann uses checks often. Here one shows up on the duvet:

Houston Designer Ginger Barber uses a check as the only pattern in an otherwise neutral room:

Despite the luxurious fabrics used in this room, a simple check shows up on the pillows:

Interior Designer Diane Burns uses silk checks in her French styled bedroom:

A checked fabric livens up a bedside bench:

Victoria Hagan puts the check on the floor with an Elizabeth Eakin rug:

Here, Ikea gets in on the check act with it's slipcovered sofa:

And finally, here on Chelsea Edition furniture, is, of course, a Chelsea Edition check!