It's the Birds for Simon Fuller

BUYER: Simon Fuller
LOCATION: Tanager Way, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $7,650,000 (sale)
SIZE: 3,300 square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Soaring estate by Mark Schomisch Design perched on the most prestigious crest in the bird streets. Museum modern architecture with sweeping city lights and coastline views is a union of the sophisticated and sublime. Floor to ceiling glass walls create impressive volume and open to an expansive terrace with knife-edged infinity pool & spa. Remarkably private, the home boasts refined finishes, exotic wall coverings and state of the art Smart Home technology.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We're digging into our archives for this one children, so don't any of you bitchy brats be giving Your Mama no lip, sass or snotty email about how this purchase took place back in February of 2007. Don't you think we know that already?

Anyhoo, located high above Sunset Boulevard, this 3,300 square foot (approx.) slice of bird street bliss was given a big gay redo by Los Angeles based designer Mark Schomisch for a couple of Hollywood homosexuals with good jobs, fat paychecks and a penchant for animal skins, gold leaf and acres of black marble. The overhaul included freeing the exterior elevations from its previous life as a dated and shabby ranch house with killer views as well as reconfiguring, opening up and teaching the interior spaces to merge with the outdoor spaces.

Although we are inclined to swoon and moon over this house, don't fool your smart-alleck selves into thinking that Your Mama is in love with this interior decor lock, stock and barrel, because we're not. In fact we are quite sure we'd pee out pants from fright coming up on those statues flanking the fireplace in the darkened living room after a hard night of gin and tonics and reality television. We are naturally quite concerned the tufted sofa in the media room/library would knot our back up while watching a Project Runway marathon, and we'd most assuredly vomit out our intestines if we stepped bleary eyed out of our morning bed onto a fur rug like we see in the master bedroom. It is only Your Mama's humble and meaningless opinion, but whatever that piece of mink or fox or raccoon cost, it was too damn much.

We would never even hint at it to our lovely ladee therapist for fear of having to spend months parsing it's deeper meaning, but we are quite simply a sucker for a forbidding street facade like we see on Mister Fuller's Tanager Way house. We are also of the somewhat sound mind that the excessively manicured bushes have a charmingly quirky thing happening, and the pair of gold leaf screens, which not only provide decorative security, remind Your Mama of giant Oscar statuettes. Entering and exiting this house would provide the distinctly delightful feeling of walking down the red carpet at the Kodak Thee-a-ter every damn day.

We are also, much to our surprise, bent backwards with glee over the kitchen with all that black marble affixed to just about every flat surface. Black marble like this seems totally impractical and we're deeply concerned about constant water spotting on this material, but if Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter lived here we'd just have to resign ourselves into having Svetlana (and her sister-in-law Oksana) come in several days a week to deal effectively with that issue.

The vein-cut travertine flooring inside the house stretches out to the decently sized pool terrace that features a fireplace and a view expansive enough to silence even the most jaded queens and the most fervent Hollywood Hills real estate snobs. At least on a clear day. You Mama does not always care for a "knife-edged infinity pool" but we'll take this dee-lishus cee-ment pond without complaint or snark.

Listen up children, the photos here reflect the interior decor BEFORE American Idol creator and celebrity manager extraordinaire Simon Fuller purchased the 3 bedroom (plus library) and 3.5 bathroom aerie in February for 2007. Property records reveal the entertainment mogul paid $7,650,000 for the freshly rehabbed house that Your Mama presumes the London based millionaire uses as a pied a terre.

Y'all know who Mister Fuller is, right? In the off chance that you don't, here's a Reader's Digest rundown: Mister Fuller, who created the reality television phenomena that is American Idol– and all the other Idol programs for that matter–discovered the boozy mess that is Amy Winehouse, manages former supermodel Claudia Schiffer, Victoria Beckham and The Spice Girls as well as a large number of other big name celebs. He's the brainiac who engineered ball playing super stud David Beckham's unnaturally large $250,000,000 deal with the LA Galaxy, and, Mister Fuller's company 19 Entertainment has contracts with most of the noteworthy and money making Idol alums such as Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Clay Aiken and Will Young, just to name a few. So the children should be able to easily ascertain that the forty something year old man is stinking rich and wields an almost Svengali-like power over the entertainment bizness.

While he remains president of Entertainment 19, in March of 2005 Mister Fuller sold the group for a reported and jaw dropping $192,000,000, which in addition to his long list of royalties, syndication rights and current projects surely places him among the wealthiest of all the Hollywood bigwig types. The man can afford to live just about any way and any where he chooses and his real estate portfolio reportedly bulges with a dozen dee-luxe homes around the world including another residence on Ridgedale Drive that sits just a few doors down from the Bev Hills house that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston used to call home. Mister Fuller also recently dumped $19,360,752 on two adjacent ninth floor condos at the yet to be completed condominium conversion at The Plaza Residences at the corner of Fifth Avenue and 59th Street in Manhattan.

Nearby neighbors to the Tanager Way house include ex Will and Grace rich behatcha Megan Mullally, who lives up the road and smack next door to the house the Tobey Maguire recently sold for $10,800,000. A little farther up from Miz Mullally lives Mister Keanu Reeves and his dirty clothes. Next door to Mister Fuller's pied a terre is the house that super songwriter Diane Warren bought from Miss David Geffen back in 1995 and is thought by many to be have one of the very best views in all of the hills.

Your Mama does not know Mister Fuller personally, so we really can't offer the children any valid reason why the man might want or need two lavish homes in Los Angeles that are only a few miles distance from each other, but who are we to question the real estate needs of the super rich entertainment mogul, right?

Mrs. Hulk Hogan's Temporary Home

Everyone knows all about and probably too damn much about the troubled Hulk Hogan family. They got one daughter who makes a "career" singing in malls across America and strutting red carpets wearing trashy and tawdry outfits that barely cover her naughty bits. They've got that teenage son who acts too big for his d-list britches and recently wrapped his car around a palm tree in Miami and nearly killed his passenger friend. Then of course there is the pending dee-vorce of Mama and Papa Hogan. Honestly kids, Your Mama does not know any details of their dee-vorce and you know what? We don't really care to know.

What we do know is that not long after the Hogan family sold their Miami Beach house to action film director and producer Michael Bay for just under its asking price of $18,900,000 and shortly after leaked dee-vorce documents revealed the Hogans were splitting, Mrs. Linda Bollea (that's Mrs. Hogan to wrestling fans) packed her Louis Vuitton cases and work out bags and headed to Los Angeles where she rented a house on Hilts Avenue in Little Holmby Hills. According to property records, the house measures 3,552 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms.

A well connected source informs Your Mama that the house was listed for lease at $18,000 per month, but we have no way of confirming the exact amount that was paid to the non-celeb landlord.

Now kids, don't even think of rolling by this house like some stoopid looky loo star fucker because we're quite certain that if Mister Hulk Hogan is around he'd sooner kick your ass as have you poking around in the bushes. And if he don't get on you, then we suspect that kinda butch looking Brooke might be able to give most of you nuts a serious beat down. Besides, our source tells us that the soon to be ex Mrs. Hulk Hogan has already moved on.

The 15 Central Park West Rundown

While glass tower developments rise all over Manhattan, noted starchitect Robert A.M. Stern did a complete 180 to Manhattan's prevailing architectural trend when he designed the limestone clad towers at 15 Central Park West for the Zeckendorf brothers (the developers). The uber dee-luxe condo project has more in common with it's pre-war ancestors and neighbors that circle Central Park than with much ballyhooed projects as Dutch-born starchitect Winka Dubbeldam's pleated glass curtain on Greenwich Street or any of the many Richard Meier green glass towers that line the Westside Highway.

Few buildings in New York City have received more press than 15 CPW and there's really little we can add that hasn't already been said about the lavish and obscenely expensive building. However, since Your Mama has been receiving phone calls, emails and telegrams up the wazoo wanting to know what's what and who's who at the new at 15 Central Park West, we thought we'd weigh in with a short list of some the deep pocketed big names who have scooped up high priced condominiums in the soon to be completed two-tower building.

The complex is comprised to two buildings joined by a lavish lobby. The "House" side fronts Central Park and the "Tower" side rises behind to more than 40 stories. Resident amenities include pre-war sized rooms and unusually large windowed kitchens, a large motor court so that the ridiculously rich residents need not been seen by the common folks when entering or exiting the building, full time doormen and concierge staff (natch), a private 20 seat theater, 20 wine cellars (sold separately), 29 staff suites (sold separately), room service, a private in-house chef, a fully stocked library, landscaped out door space, and a massive health club with a 75 foot long lap pool.

While there are several Hollywood celebrity types that have purchased condos, many of the hideously high-priced penthouse units were scooped up by Wall Street types, who despite a downturn in the economy feel no pinch in their own pocketbooks. Certainly our short list below does not represent all the big names with fat bank accounts who are set to shack up in 15 CPW, so if any of you kids would like to provide us with more high profile names, be sure to give Your Mama a jingle.

1. Legendary television writer and producer Norman Lear and his wifey Lyn reportedly purchased a 2,800 square foot (approx.), 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom unit for nearly $10,000,000. We think they may have in fact purchased a high floor B line unit in the "Tower." According to the NY Post, the octogenarians are downsizing from their 15 room sprawler at 828 5th Avenue.

2. Just about every real estate gossip has reported that television sportscaster Bob Costas recently forked over $11,017,000 for an 8th floor "House" unit. Property records indicate the Costas residence measures 3,333 square foot with 4 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms, however, listing information for that unit shows the residence measuring 3,454 square feet with 3 bedrooms (plus library) and 4 bathrooms. Not sure why the discrepancy.

3. Oscar winning actor and Beverly Park denizen Denzel Washington is reported to have shelled out around $12,000,000 for an approx. 3,000 square foot unit facing Central Park with 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, and a park view terrace. Your Mama speculates that Mister Washington's unit may be located at the southern end of the 38th floor of the "Tower," but we're not certain. Nothing like an 8-figure New York City pied a terre.

5. Filthy rich NASCAR star Jeff Gordon purchased a 3,800 square foot unit.

6. Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, who brought home a reported $68,500,000 in 2007, is rumored to have used $27,000,000 of his bacon to purchase one of the larger condos at 15 CPW. Your Mama speculates (speculates, children, speculates) it might be the 6,473 square foot penthouse on the 42nd floor of the "Tower."

7. Although nobody seems to know which one, one of the gazillionaire Google guys, is rumored to have purchased a high floor spread in the "Tower" to the tune of around $30,000,000. No one connected to that sale is yakking or leaking and none of the real estate gossips, including Your Mama, have been able to confirm.

8. Fifty something and still touring rock star Sting and his long time wifey Trudi Styler reportedly dropped around $30,000,000 for a 5,500 square foot "Tower" side duplex with 5 bedrooms and a terrace. However, the Tantric sexing couple recently took their current home, another massive Central Park West duplex, off the market. Could it be they've changed their minds about moving down the street?
9. Former Citigroup CEO and current billionaire banker Sandy Weill is said to have spent $42,405,000 for a 6,744 square foot penthouse unit on the 20th floor of the "House" side of the building. That's a coma inducing $6,200 per square foot, children. Think about that for minute. The full floor residence includes 4 bedrooms (plus 1 maids room), 6.5 bathrooms, nearly 1,979 square feet of terraces, and a surprisingly unimaginative floor plan (see above, thanks to the good folks at Curbed). You'll note the small secondary bedrooms with their small bathrooms and paltry closet space. No offense to Mister Stern, the Zeckendorfs or Mister Weill, but for forty some million smackers Your Mama wants properly sized guest rooms that do not feel cramped and claustrophobic like those itty bitty caves at the Paramount Hotel.

Property records reflect that Mister and Missus Weill also purchased a 1,079 square foot, 1 bedroom and 1.5 bathroom residence, presumably for guests, staff or a nearby place to go when they need a little time away from each other. Although the schedule A for the building indicates the unit had a price of $2,100,000, records show the couple paid only $950,000 for the sixth floor unit.

10. Hedge fund honcho Daniel Loeb is reported to have purchased both units on the 39th floor of the "Tower" for a staggering $45,000,000 (approx.). Combined the units have 10 bedrooms and 10,700 square feet.

As more of the units close and are recorded, Your Mama expects that a few more big name residents will be revealed. Stay tuned. The real question is whether living in the building will live up the the hype and sky high prices.