Michael Jackson Saved From the Poor House?

Mister Roger Friedman who writes the Fox 411 column for Fox News always has the most up to date information about financially embattled former pop star Michael Jackson, and yesterday he reported that the monetarily challenged Gloved One finally finagled a lending institution (rumored to be HSBC Private Banking) into refinancing and restructuring his Grand Canyon sized debt.

According to Friedman, the deal may have put as much as $25,000,000 into Mister Jackson's handbag, which is a lot of money to most people. But not to Michael Jackson. Oh lawhd have mercy, The White Lady needs far more than $25,000,000 to get him anywhere near debt free and liquid. In fact, Mister Friedman speculates (and we always believe Mister Friedman) that Mister Jackson's immediate payments to settle debts and lost legal brouhahas could total as much as $20,000,000. Which leaves the Jackson four (and Miz Raymone Bain makes five) only five million clams to live on...and ya'll know Miss Thing can run through five million dollars like it was five dollars.

Presumably, Mister Jackson receives fat royalty checks from his Sony/ATV/Beatles music catalog, but Your Mama imagines that a substantial chunk of those royalties must be utilized just to service the payments on his spine tingling and reported $300,000,000 loan.

But we're here for the real estate, right kids? Mister Jackson's somewhat modest windfall will apparently do little to shore up his sagging and highly leveraged real estate portfolio. No word on whether this Jackson or one of the other Jacksons took the necessary steps to pay off the $16,000+ tax lien or satisfy the $4,000,000 (approx.) mortgage on the Jackson family seat on Hayvenhurst Avenue in Encino.

Mister Jackson still has a couple of weeks to right the pending foreclosure at Neverland Ranch, his former home in the Santa Ynez Valley where he has not officially lived since mid 2005. The lender on the property is calling in over $23,000,000, and based on Mister Friedman's mathematics, it would seem that Mister Jackson is not likely to have the wherewithal to satisfy that debt and the 2,700 acre property may (very publicly) slide into foreclosure.

What a damn mess. Listen to Your Mama now Mister Jackson. Just put Neverland Ranch on the market and let some rich guy from Dubai buy it, or sell it off to John Bersci or some other swanky developer who will de-juju the place, sub-divide it and sell it off as gentleman ranches.

And where is the unnaturally pale skinned Mister Jackson living now? Well Mister Friedman tell us that Mister Jackson was so strapped for cash that he and the kids (and we assume that krazy talking Miz Bain) were camped out in Las Vegas with his mama Katherine. Poor thing didn't even have the cash (or credit?) to afford a room at The Flamingo.

Listen Michael, you can't live whitcher mama the rest of yer damn life, and you still have a mega asset that you can sell off. So do it. Do what you know you've got to do. Sell everything, buy a nice house out in Santa Clarita and retire gracefully while your children attend school, make friends and learn how to live in the world without a gauzy piece of fabric draped over their poor little heads. We know you like that sort of high voltage performance when you shop at Barnes and Noble looking like Humpty damn Dumpty in a head scarf after they put him back together again, but did you ever stop to think your children might be damaged by that kind of shenanigans?

Anywoo, enough of that soap box children. Your Mama apologizes for the digression away from the real estate.

UPDATE: Parker Posey

Back in late October of 2007, Your Mama followed up on a report by Max Abelson in the NY Observer about indie movie high priestess Parker Posey's East Village apartment being sold. The top floor 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom apartment located in a lovely landmark townhouse on East 10th Street was on the market for $1,175,000 and by all accounts attracted heaps and scores of interested buyers.

Certainly the other famous residents of the purdy and well located building–Smashing Pumpkins' James Iha and Miz Posey's indie film grasshopper Chloë Sevigny–helped scare up ready, willing and able buyers eager to shell out well over a million clams to climb three or four flights of stairs in a non-doorman building.

Today, thanks to generous assistance from Joan of Arc, Your Mama offers the children a few more photos over which to drool and feast your celebrity home starved eyeballs. Note the above photographs have slight furniture and rug variations to the image(s) that were included on the real estate listing, so Your Mama imagines that the delightful Miz Posey had her decorator Rafael de Cárdenas come by periodically to mix things up.

Do the children notice that swirly gold side table thing? We. Love. It. And we'd bet one of our long bodied bitches Linda or Beverly that it's just some cheap gold spray paint from the hardware store too, which makes it even better. Be assured that come spring weather Your Mama will be out in the backyard of our beach house carving up a stump and spray painting it gold to add a bit of glitz and glamor to one of the guest rooms.

Here's what we said about Miz Posey's former abode previously, and we stand buy it:

"Your Mama is very pleased and impressed with Miz Posey's funky downtown decor. It looks like a pleasant and well curated mish-mash of items from the Avenue A flea, Las Venus (the old and wacky Las Venus on Ludlow Street and not the mid-century modern outpost), and any number of assorted thrift shops located in church basements around lower Manhattan. I don't care what anyone says, that gnarled wood coffee table is flawless, even if it is murder on the chins after a few drinky-poos at Parker's place."

Your Mama has not found evidence of this property transferring ownership yet, so we don't know how much it sold for or who purchased it...so don't even ask.

Wherever Miz Posey and her collection of second-hand furniture has landed, Your Mama wishes her all best.

Martyn Lawrence-Bullard

Palm Springs, California: The Colony Palms

Those wishing to spend the night with the debonair and extremely handsome L.A. designer, Martyn Lawrence-Bullard, can now do so at the Colony Palms Hotel in Palm Springs, California that he recently decorated. Lawrence-Bullard, co owner of the interior design firm Martinys-Tripp was born in London but came to America to become an actor. That career soon fizzled, but Martyn remains connected to the big screen by designing interiors for many of Hollywood's biggest stars. Though not quite a household name, he has achieved some recognition in America and is currently named to Architectural Digest's famed list of Top 100 Designers. Lawrence-Bullard's style includes lots of ethnic touches from Morocco, Italy, Spain, and the Near East. He favors red paisleys and uses this design motif often. One of his signature looks is a heavily carved, wooden, four poster bed. Why would anyone choose Martyn to design a hotel in Palm Springs - home to the mid century design revival and all things hip from the era of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin?


The current owner of the Colony Palms Hotel, Steven Orhen, states he hired Martyn to oversee the $15 million renovation after seeing his home in a magazine. He admits that Martyn is not the typical contemporary designer that Palm Springs attracts. Martyn's home, which captured Orhen's attention, was built for the legendary Rudolph Valentino and is furnished in an eclectic style with liberal Italian and Spanish influences. Orhen could see a connection between Martyn's home and the Spanish influenced architecture of his once popular Palm Springs hotel. The hacienda styled hotel was built in the 30's as a gambling den by a reputed mobster. Later it was purchased by the Howard family, famous for owning the racehorse Seabiscuit. Ohren, the current owner, is a Palm Springs resident who was intrigued by the hotel's architecture. He bought the crumbling relic hoping to turn it into a first class boutique hotel.


Today, open for just a few months, the renovation is complete. Lawrence-Bullard's design plays up the Mediterranean feel of the architecture. He infused the hotel with warm colors such as olive greens, ochre yellows and terra cotta oranges. Some rooms are housed in individual casitas with Spanish tiled roofs. Trend worthy suzanis turn up in the bedrooms along with Moroccan styled mirrors and tables. There's a spa and a highly touted restaurant for guests, along with swimming pools, both public and private. Martyn Lawrence-Bullard, whom no one would claim is shy, has no self-promoting web site and his appeal is still somewhat limited to the Californian area. But, with the opening of the Colony Palms Hotel, along with all the publicity it is receiving, Martyn seems poised on the brink of super stardom.

Colony Palms bedroom by Martyn Lawrence-Bullard. Suzanis hang behind beds, floors are tiled and covered with seagrass matting, black and white ticking bolsters and drapes, Moroccan frames are to the side of the bed. Notice the ruffled hem detail on the desk chair.

Close up of another guest room. Here the suzani is different, as are the side tables.

A third room with a Moroccan styled banquette in the patio.

Close up of bathroom sink. Note the "rug" of french tiles and the mother-of-pearl chair holding towels.

Ticking covered chair with nailhead detailing, Moroccan table and frame. Suzani pillow.

The hotel pool and bar at dusk.

Colony Palms Restaurant with banquette and hanging pendant lights.

Picture of Lawrence-Bullard's home that attracted the owner of the Colony Palms. Built for Valentino - this picture features the red, white and black that Martyn used throughout his house. Red paisleys decorate the sofa's skirt. Here Martyn uses the same black and white ticking and suzanis (in chair) just as he does in the hotel.

Californian home designed by Martyn. Note the turned wood, four poster bed. Antique red paisleys cover the bed and the chair. Both the bed and paisleys are trademarks.

Family room in the same house as above.

Breakfast room with oriental rug, red paisley, and french lantern.

Living room that shows the eclectic mix that Lawrence-Bullard prefers: eastern and Spanish antiques mixed with contemporary art.

Martyn Lawrence-Bullard modeling at the hotel. Too bad he's so unattractive! ha!