Your Mama Hears...

...from A Girl Named Ted that pop starlet slash new mommy Christina Aguilera and her music executive huzband Jordan Bratman have quietly put their former residence on Devlin Drive in the Hollywood Hills on the market with a $7,995,000 price tag.

If the children put on their thinking caps, they will recall that in August of 2007 Mister and Missus Bratman made the rather unexpected choice to fork over $11,500,000 for the 11,571 square foot Bev Hills mansion of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. Perhaps Miss X-Tina was drawn to all the religious iconography carved into the doors and floors? Maybe she liked the gated motor court where they can unload baby Bratman from their gas guzzling white Rolls Royce without being photographed? Or maybe they are just not bothered by buses that roll slowly by while tourists act foolish and hang out of windows snap, snap, snapping with their Leicas? Who knows?

Anyhoo, property records reveal that Miss Aguilera purchased the Steve Hermann designed digs at the top of Devlin Drive in April of 2003 for an undisclosed sum of money although reports from the time indicate it was around $5,000,000. We've also heard from A Girl Named Ted that Miss Courtney Cox looked at this place before it was quickly snatched up–furniture and all–by Miss X-Tina. Prior to Mister Herman giving the place an overhaul, the Devlin Drive house was owned by producer Jack Haley Jr., who is perhaps better known in some circles for having once been married to the lovable show bizness train wreck that is Liza Minelli, a senior citizen who can still high kick it like she's 45 years old thanks to new hips.
Anyhoo, we digress yet again. Your Mama has yet to locate a listing for the Devlin Drive property, but records and reports indicate that there are 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms in the 5,411 square foot house (some reports say 6,500 square feet) as well as living and dining rooms, a screening lounge with wet bar, a 25 foot waterfall, and unobstructed views. Your Mama located photos on the designer's website that reveal that Mister Hermann did what he always does to houses in the Hollywood Hills, which is transform them into sleek and sexy celebrity style residences with textured palettes of taupe, mushroom, brown and beige.

We've got a tufted wall of mushroom colored velvet in the media area, a fireplace surround that appears to be made of brushed aluminum (or some other metal), a Carrara marble clad master bathroom, acres of shag rugs, a kitchen straight out of an Italian design magazine, lots of down filled leather furniture in the living room, a custom fitted closet and a dark bottomed swimming pool sunk into the large terrace that overlooks the twinkling lights of Tinseltown below.

If the children have kept their thinking caps strapped on, they might also recall that Mister Hermann is the man responsible for the Nightingale Drive nest for which billionaire Larry Ellison recently paid a record breaking $12,600,000 to purchase as a gift to his lucky daughter Megan. Mister Hermann also did over the house immediately next door to Miss Megan's new crib that media mogul Byron Allen has been trying to unload for over a year.

Dwayne Wade Lists Pinecrest Palace

SELLER: Dwayne Wade Jr.
LOCATION: SW 59th Place, Pinecrest, FL
PRICE: $4,999,000
SIZE: 9,035 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 full and 1 half bath
DESCRIPTION: Once in a lifetime opportunity to purchase NBA All Star home, Dwayne Wade's home in Pinecrest. Totally furnished with personal memorabilia.

YOUR MAMAS NOTE: Just between us chickens, Your Mama has been bending over backwards, forwards and sideways trying to handle our personal and professional bizness and attend to the brutal needs of the celebrity real estate obsessed. However, we can't be all things to all people at all times so we'd appreciate it if those naughty and nasty few (who know who they are) would stop sending Your Mama emails just to let us know you think we're a "lazy bitch." Seriously people, do you think we got nuthin' else to do but sit around and write this shit? Please. So unless you want to start writing the checks to pay our mortgages, vet bills and BMW payments, we do not want to hear it.

Now then, with that off our heaving chest, let's move on down to a place called Pinecrest, Flaw-ri-duh where an NBA all star basketball player named Dwayne Wade has put his crib on the market with a $4,999,000 asking price. All the children surely know by now that Your Mama knows as much about professional basketball as the devil knows about doin' right. So after being informed by our research queen B.S. Beaverman about Mister Wade's listing, we quickly consulted both the internets and our ball crazy buddy Fiona Trambeau for some basic 411 on the six foot four shooting guard from the Miami Heat they call Flash.

The internets told Your Mama that Esquire magazine has twice included young Mister Wade Jr. on their list of best dressed dudes, that the baby faced b-baller is soon headed for the court of dee-vorce and also that there is also salacious scuttlebutt circulating that he's dating formerly fat (but still sorta scary) Star Jones who recently filed for a dee-vorce from her well groomed huzband Al Reynolds. Miz Trambeau, on the other hand, offered Your Mama one of her typically snide and sickly cynical nuggets about Mister Wade Jr. saying, "He's a good looking young Christian man who gives wads of money to his church and in my book anyone who gives that much money to God is hiding something besides all of his basketball equipment." Oh dear. That's what we get for asking Fiona Trambeau a question when she's severely hung over after a long, durrty night at The Transfer.

Anyhoo, property records reveal that Mister Wade Jr. and his soon to be ex-wife Siohvaughn (pronounced shi-vahn) purchased the .94 acre property in July of 2005 for $3,975,000. A report in the Wall Street Journal discusses a legal brouhaha in which the developer of the house sued Mister and Missus Wade claiming they had not coughed up an additional $150,000 in improvements to the spec built property. The Wade's subsequently filed a counterclaim. We don't know the outcome of the drama, and if we're being honest, we don't much care.

Listing information for the 9,035 square foot mansion labels it a "contemporary colonial," an architectural style that, quite frankly, Your Mama has never heard of before. Records show the house measures 10,409 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. However, listing information indicates 9,035 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms. Your Mama does not know why the discrepancy, but it might (might, children, might) have to do with the detached guest house adjacent to the backyard swimming pool.

Guest are greeted in the grandiose and designed to impress entrance foyer that features a double circular stairway and a custom floor medallion with the letter "W," a decorating detail only a professional sports star could love and one that neither Your Mama nor any nice gay decorator we know would ever suggest, recommend or allow.

The rest of the rooms seen in the photos hardly looked lived in and the chenille throw laid across the white leather recliner in the home thee-ay-ter reveals the all too obvious hand of a property stager. What Your Mama would really like to know is who exactly is responsible for deciding on and disseminating the notion that a chenille throw casually strewn across any and every piece of furniture says "home" to a potential buyer?

Upstairs in the master suite, which includes a giant beige tiled bathroom, we are genuinely mortified to find a circular bed. This children, is an item of furniture that can actually work in honeymoon suites of cheesy motels in the Poconos and/or in glitzy high roller suites in Las Vegas. However, Your Mama knows deep in our snarky soul that circular beds should not be installed in private homes. Anywhere. Ever. None the less Your Mama expects and sorta hopes that somewhere in the headboard is a tiny slot where one can drop a quarter to start the bed vibrating and rotating.

Interlocking pavers surround the pleasingly rectangular swimming pool that unfortunately features Mister Wade Junior's nickname "Flash" spelled out in custom tile work on the bottom. This is another questionable decorating notion that will be bothersome and costly for the next owner to fix.

Listing information indicates that the sale of Mister Wade Jr.'s home includes selected personal memorabilia, a sales tactic that Your Mama seldom sees. We got nuthin' against young and rich Mister Wade Junior. However, if we were in the market for a giant house in Pinecrest, FL–which we can assure you we will never be–tossing in an elaborately framed jersey and a few signed basketballs* would not be much of an enticement to sign on the five million dollar dotted line. A better notion might actually be for Mister Wade to bite the financial bullet and have that meddlesome medallion and all that custom tile work on the bottom of the swimming pool removed so that the new owner is relieved of the burden and cost of fixing that crap after closing on the property.

We imagine, but have no knowledge, that the sale of this property has more to do with Mister Wade's impending dee-vorce and less to do with any shifting professional associations. Whatever the case, we sincerely wish Mister Wade Junior's real estate agent is able to locate a well to do fan who's willing to cough up considerable cash to live with all that ka-razy customization.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: We did not at first realize that the lovelies at Luxist had actually discussed Mister Wade's property last year when it first hit the market with a sky high asking price of $8,900,000. The children will note that Luxist posted additional photos of the Wade crib that show a circular shaped glass elevator, a Spiderman themed bathroom and a truly bizarro (and wrong wrong wrong) mural of a shirtless Mister Wade located in a small niche in off the entrance foyer. We know Mister Wade was just a child himself when he came into all his basketball money so perhaps he went a little nuts on the day-core because, well, that's what very young people with money do sometimes. But Jeezis, Mary and Joseph, where was his mother or his nice gay decorator to step on the brakes of reason?

*Your Mama has no knowledge or information about what items of personal memorabilia may are may not be included in the sale.

Stalking the Wheats

As most of my friends know, I have a slight (well, ok - it's not so slight) addiction to Starbucks coffee.  Two or three (sometimes four or five -  I can't lie) times a day I go to the drive-through Starbucks in my neighborhood, West University.  Instead of driving there on the main streets, I drive down the side streets, admiring the homes on my way.    I have a few favorite houses on my route and one,  in particular, caught my attention as it was being built.   At first it was the white stucco exterior with its stone foundation that I noticed.   As time went on and the building progressed, each detail the owners added made it seem like a special home, one that I would love:   they added gray, french wood shutters to the  windows, and then they added a most charming wooden gate for the driveway.   Next - the owners put in French styled landscaping - all green - with box woods.   After they had moved in, whenever I drove by the house, I would slow my car to a crawl, craning my neck to try to see inside the white stuccoed home that had so captured my imagination.  Through their windows, I could make out some of their furnishings -  first, there was a screen in the living room, and then I could see an oversized mirror.  Next - I noticed the dining room's antique light fixture which furthered my suspicions that this was a house I would love - inside and out.  By the time the sheer, linen curtains were hung - the deal was sealed - I was an official stalker and somehow, I had to finagle my way into the home to see it first hand.

As luck would have it, Anthea, my sister-in-law's sister (Cote de Texas readers may remember her house featured here) lived almost across the street from my stalk-ees.  One day, Anthea casually mentioned to me that her new neighbor read my blog and wanted to meet me.  Emails were exchanged and we set a date - finally,  after stalking these poor people and their house for over a year, they were actually going to invite me inside.  I'm sure had they known of my obsession with their white stuccoed home, the invitation would have been rescinded.

And so this is how I came to be in Sally Wheat's home:  me - a total weirdo taking pictures of a stranger's house.  I can't imagine what her husband thought when he came home and walked into the scene.   Sally was delightful and claimed to be excited that I was going to put her in my blog;  but truthfully, I'm not convinced she meant it.     Her 7 year old daughter couldn't have been more friendly, even offering to show me the toilets.  As pathetic as it must sound, I was actually interested in seeing those, too.     Sally, an interior designer, furnished her own house, of course.   After such a build up on my part, the house could have been a disappointment, but it wasn't.   In fact, it was more charming than I had imagined.  Bathed in grays and creams and taupes, with gleaming white walls, and antique painted furniture - the interiors lean towards the ever-growing-in-popularity Belgian style of design.   The Wheats also own a beach house on Boliver Island which Sally admitted was "really cute."  Unfortunately, Boliver Island is a little out of the way for drive-by stalking, but Sally promised me we would get together this summer so that I could bring you pictures from their beach house.  Below, I hope you enjoy the Wheat's home in West University:

 

The Object of My Obsession:  The stucco exterior of the Wheat's house which first caught my attention.  I love the stacked stone foundation, the stone walkway, the boxwoods, the wisteria, the paneled wood door, and the gas lanterns. - all details which make the exterior special.

 

  When these french styled shutters were installed, I knew the house was going to be unique - not your typical, everyday, West University stucco house.

The clincher:  the driveway gate.  Most West University homes have iron gates on their driveways.  This wooden gate is utterly charming.   A matching gate on the opposite side of the house leads to the back yard.

The stalker is actually allowed inside!  The front room - instead of a sofa, Sally has four chairs.  The rug (probably seagrass) is on hold until the puppy is housetrained.  The drapes throughout the house are unlined Belgian linen which were purchased at Indulge Decor in Houston.

The antique screen which is visible from the front window.  I would drive by and see the screen and know that I would love the interiors!  This screen was purchased at Thompson + Hanson in Houston.   I actually remember this screen from when it was for sale there.

An iron table sits between two white chairs.  A trendy crown shares space with pottery.

The French lantern in the entry hall was purchased from Chateau Domingue.  The dining room is to the right of the front door when you walk in.

 

A vignette in the entry hall - antique bench, pottery, and mirror.

The dining table was custom made, copied from a picture found in The World of Interiors.  French mouton leg chairs are slipcovered.

The large mirror that caught my eye as I did my drive-bys.  The darling puppy looks out the front window - maybe guarding against other stalkers driving by with craned necks?  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

The beautiful antique chandelier is the focal point of the dining room.

A wall of framed botanicals in the dining room.

Two vintage starburst mirrors are layered over the larger mirror.

 

The kitchen:  honed, statuary marble counter tops with white subway tiles for the backsplash.  The two pendant lights are from Belgium, via Brown, a fabulous Houston shop that specializes in light fixtures.  

 

The kitchen shelves are without doors. 

I love this faucet and the farm sink with it's single bowl.

The breakfast room has another light fixture from Brown.

Painted furniture and horns in this vignette.

 

The iron staircase was fauxed to resemble pewter.

Another vignette:  this one features a wall of portraits of strangers, not family!

A view of the family room overlooking the back yard.  The two slipcovered sofas are extra long, again reminiscent of the popular Belgian style.

The family room:  the two sets of doors are antique shutters from Bill Gardner of Houston.  The cross on the coffee table was designed by Sally Wheat using driftwood she collects on Boliver Island.

View of the family room looking towards the staircase.

The TV is hidden behind the antique shutters.  Also housed there is Sally's butterfly collection.

The backyard is mostly a patio.

The powder room is tiny, but there's room for a Louis Phillipe antique mirror, a chandelier, and antique tiles from Chateau Domingue.

The charming powder room sink is made of stone.  The faucets are installed in the wall instead of the counter.

The upstairs guest room, all in greens and reds.  All bedrooms upstairs have wall to wall seagrass in the basket weave pattern.

Sally's darling daughter's bedroom.  The chest was painted by James Farmer, from Houston.

The master bedroom is, like the rest of the house, all in cream, mushroom and taupe.  The headboard is tufted and upholstered.   Curtains here, as in the rest of the house, are from Indulge Decor of Houston.

Sally's painted white desk and Ghost chair.

The bathroom is all white carrara marble and mirrors.  I love how the doors are mirrored in this built in chest.

The cabinet doors in the vanities are screened.

The children's playroom over the garage connects through the master bedroom closet.  A work in progress, the carpet is the trendy antelope print.

 

I hope you enjoyed Sally's house as much as I did!  Besides being an interior designer (and if you are interested in contacting Sally, email me and I'll forward it on to Sally)  she has recently opened a booth selling antiques and decorative items at Antiques and Interiors on Dunlavy.  Below, are a few items from her booth:

A pair of beautiful antique, gilt arm chairs, upholstered in while muslin.

A Wheat designed cross, make from Boliver Island driftwood.

Painted white chest, assorted statutes and artwork.

Gilt bench, covered in linen.

A pair of vintage chairs newly upholstered in a trendy trellis fabric.

One of a pair of driftwood lamps, designed by Sally Wheat.

 

Finally, a standing lamp, made of driftwood, designed by Sally Wheat.

Looking around at other booths at Antiques and Interiors on Dunlavy, I spotted several items that reminded me of Sally's home:

Antique shutters - these are similar to the shutters found in Sally's family room.

 

A pair of candlesticks similar to those found on Sally's dining room table.

One of Houston's favorite antique dealers, Annette Schatte also recently opened a booth here.    Here, Schatte sells mirrors that are similar to the antique mirrors found in Sally's home.   The iron candelabra is similar to the one found in the Wheats' family room.

Schatte is selling this French lantern, similar to the one hanging in Sally's entry hall.

A dark wood dining room table with a hand planed table top is reminiscent of the one in Sally's dining room.

And lastly, one more lantern from Annette Schatte.

To learn more about Belgian style interior design, the web site www.beta-plus.com has a large library of coffee table  books for sale.  Published in Belgium, the books are gorgeous with page after page of interiors in the Belgian style that is rapidly gaining in popularity, giving rise to the saying "Belgian is the new Sweden."