Glenn Beck Takes it to Texas

WHO: Glenn Beck
LOCATION: Westlake, TX
PRICE: around $20,000 per month
SIZE: 7,904 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We hesitate to write about this bit of celebrity real estate bizness because we always get the most vile hate mail when we discuss right wing political pundit and crybaby conspiracy theorist Glen Beck. However, we're going to take our chances and let the chips fall where they may since, you know, sticks and stones and all that.

In late 2005 Mister Beck and his wife Tania spent $4,250,000 for a luxurious mansion in sleepy but swank New Canaan, CT. Four years later, in late 2009, Your Mama prattled on about the huge house–dubbed Waterford Manor–that was then on the market with an asking price of $3,999,000. They had previously and unsuccessfully attempted to sell the house with an asking price of $4,999,000.

In early April 2011 Mister Beck got into some boiling hot water for his increasingly frequent anti-Semitic harangues. Not even Fox News, which promotes a socially and politically conservative agenda, could excuse or tolerate Mister Beck's race theories and and fear baiting ways. So they canned him. Everyone publicly made nice-nice about the matter but, make no mistake, Fox News sent their teary-eyed cash cow and his highly contentious notions packing. Mister Beck's last show on Fox is, as it turns out, today. He will switch his often controversial commentating over to GBTV, an acronymically-named internet-based network.

It wasn't long after he was very publicly axed that Mister Beck announced on his show that he'd sold his Connecticut mansion and planned to leaved the New York City area. We don't know how many folks in lefty-lib New York City mourned the loss of the Mister Beck–who lived in New Canaan but filmed his show in Manhattan–but we do know that property records and title information we peeped at do not reflect a sale of his Connecticut estate. In fact, our entirely unscientific research reveals Mister Beck's trés traditional mansion remains on the market with a reduced asking price of $3,650,000. Current listing information shows it stands on 2.8 acres, measures 11,320 square feet over four floors and includes 6 bedrooms, 5 full and 3 half bathrooms, 5 fireplaces, front and rear staircases and–natch–a "super" security system.

If he's leaving the New York area as he said, inquiring minds want to know, where or where will Mister Beck go? Well, buckle your safety belts, bunnies, because well-placed sources tell sassy Dallas-based real estate gossip Candy Evans that Mister Beck is headed her way, to the Dallas suburb of Westlake, TX where it's rumored and reported on the Second Shelters blog that he's leased a large house in the swank guard-gated Vaquero Club community.

According to Miz Candy Evans, the well-maintained mansion where Mister and Missus Beck will (allegedly) set down temporary Texas roots was first put up for lease at $15,000 per month before it was raised to $20,000. Presumably Mister and Missus Beck are paying somewhere in that rent neighborhood.

The Hill County-style house, owned by professional ball player Jorge Piedra and Swarovski crystal heiress Vanessa Piedra, stands on about 1.71 acres of manicured grounds, measures 7,904 square feet and includes 7 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms plus a separate guest/pool house with living room, bedroom and bathroom.

A curving wall extends across the front of the property where a perfectly circular drive at the front of the house wraps around to a rear motor court and four-car garage. A wide set of shallow steps makes a grand procession from the driveway to the front door. The clean-lined contemporary interior spaces include a double-height entry with travertine tile floor and built-in knick-knack display cubbies and a formal living room with hardwood floors, corner fireplace and a built in flat-screen tee-vee surrounded by built-in knick-knack display cubbies. Very chic steel-framed glass doors open the living room to the covered dining terrace that overlooks the back yard.

Not surprisingly, a pink Swarovski crystal-encrusted Tord Boontje-designed Blossom chandelier hangs in the high-ceiling dining room. A butler's pantry connects the dining room to the commodious kitchen outfitted with wide-plank wood floors, steel-blue flat-fronted cabinetry topped by black counter tops of undetermined material, a large work island and snack counter with white marble counter top and a built-in breakfast banquette with more built-in knick-knack display cubbies.

Other notable interiors spaces, according to listing information, include a study with even more built-in knick-knack display cubbies, a fitness room with mirrored wall, and a sun room with steeply vaulted ceiling from which hang two more pink crystal-encrusted Tord Boontje-designed Blossom chandeliers.

The children will note at least one more goddam pink crystal-encrusted Tord Boontje-designed Blossom chandelier that hangs over the deviled egg-shaped freestanding soaking tub in the master bathroom that also includes separate shower, double sinks and a built-in floating vanity table. Your Mama adores Mister Boontje's Blossom chandelier and would love to own one if we could stomach (and afford) the prodigious price tag which can run as high as $30,000+ depending on the size. We also recognize that Miz Piedra is representin' the family business. But, puppies, too much is too much and four Tord Boontje-designed Blossom chandeliers all in one house–and not all in the same room–is just too much.

Anyhoo, the house wraps around a terraced backyard that includes various patios, one with built in fire-pit ringed by a semi-circular built-in stone bench. An extra-wide stone staircase descends gently and grandly down to the swimming pool, spa, cabana and adjacent guest/pool house that features a pergola-shaded raised porch. Wide pooch-friendly lawns surround the pool and terraces and stretch back to the community's highly-rated golf course that winds through the Vaquero Club community.

Should Mister and Missus Beck find they like the house, it's currently listed for sale with an asking price of $3,900,000. Listing information indicates the seller is willing to finance a sale but it seems unlikely that Mister Beck–a multi-millionaire many times over–would need another rich person to assist in the finance of a real estate purchase. He is, let's get real, a rich and generously compensated white man; We're quite certain their are any number of banks and other financial institutions who would love to lend him a few million bucks to buy a big house in suburban Dallas.

The fancy-pants Vaquero Club enclave,"smack dab next to D/FW Airport" according to Miz Candy Evans, has long been popular with professional athletes such as golfers Brian Watts and Todd Hamilton, baseballers Dave Berg and Josh Hamilton, and pigsknner Henry Ford who all own (or owned) mansion inside the gates of the Vaquero Club at one time or another. The parents of pop trio and tween heart throbs The Jonas Brothers also own a substantial house in the upscale golf community.

listing photos: Keller Williams

Katy Perry and Russell Brand Do It Again

BUYER: Katy Perry and Russell Brand
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,500,000
SIZE: 8,835 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne are not the only titans in the music and entertainment industry making real estate headlines this week, so are increasingly powerful showbiz young guns Katy Perry and her bawdy British comedian hubby Russell Brand.

It was only in December 2009 when the pop star and the comedian–then not married–shelled out $3,250,000 for a fully renovated and updated four story house with 4,706 square feet and a city view in the historic Los Feliz area of Los Angeles nestled into the foothills just below the magnificent Griffith Park.

Just about 2.5 years later, in May 2011, the button-pushing pair put the 4 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom house on the market with an asking price of $3,395,000. The fact that young Missus Perry-Brand's security team had to call the po-po in March 2011 after some moe-ron fan sat suspiciously out front of the house for several hours may or may not have had something to do with their decision to sell the gated but not particularly private property.

Listing information shows the couple's Los Feliz house is now in escrow and recent reports reveal that Miss Perry and Mister Brand–now husband and wife–have just acquired a much pricier and more private a-list type of residence about 5.5 miles due west in the lower Laurel Canyon area.

Property records show the couple's new crib, a double-gated 2.98 acre estate perched on a private promontory, was purchased just this week for $6,500,000. Listing information and previous reports on the property–sold by former National Lampoon CEO Danial Laikin who was sent to the slammer last year on a fraud conviction–shows the three-story main mansion was built in 1925 and measures 8,835 square feet with 7 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms and at least 5 fireplaces. The expansive estate also includes two detached guest residences that could also be used for staff, office space or a recording studio.

Although without much ornamentation on the exterior, the tile-roofed Mediterranean mansion drips with exquisite (and original) architectural detailing on the inside. The two-story circular entry has a sweeping staircase with intricate wood and wrought iron banister, inlaid marble floor and faux-stone walls, or at least we think that block pattern is a paint treatment but in truth we really aren't sure. A pair of arched doorways lead into the magnificently proportioned living room that includes wood floors, double-height hand-painted wood-beam ceiling, monolithic stone mantelpiece and minstrel's balcony. A soaring arched window that makes Your Mama tremble with envy has towering side lights that open to a small terrace with panoramic view of the urban carpet that is Los Angeles. The adjacent formal dining room also has gorgeous city views but who can look out the window when the ceiling is blessed with an antique hand-painted honey-comb pattern ceiling?

Other living areas, according to listing information, include a vast eat-in kitchen renovated with great expense but middle-brow style, a family room with antique carved stone corner fireplace, billiard room, a media room with wide-screen projector system and built-in snack counter. But of course, the new Mister and Missus of the house may opt to redecorate and re-purpose rooms so the day-core and utility of the rooms shown in the above listing photos is all but irrelevant.

At the front of the house a broad lawn at the front of the house encircled by a circular driveway makes a rather grand statement while the various tiled terraces, patios and balconies that surround the house provide more intimate lounging, dining and entertainment areas. A grotto-style swimming pool, tucked behind the detached garage and guest house off the front driveway, nestles into the steep hillside that drips with lush foliage and a small stream spanned by a Japanese style arched bridge tumbles down a rock waterfall into the pool.

Your Mama wonders if Miss Perry plans to install the vintage-looking pink fridge/freezer at the new house that she had put into the kitchen of her old house in Los Feliz.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty / Beverly Hills

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne On the Move...Again

SELLERS: Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne
LOCATION: Hidden Hills
SIZE: 10,930 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 full and 4 half bathrooms
PRICE: $12,999,000

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Doddering but charming rock legend Ozzy Osbourne and his busy-busy ambitious wife/manager Sharon sold their religious icon-laden mansion in Beverly Hills, CA in August 2007 for $11,500,000 to dirty songbird Christina Aguilera. Since then, Miz Aguilera made a baby, separated from her music exec hubby Jordan Bratman, signed on to a smash hit reality program The Voice, and heaved her no-longer happy marital house on the market in March 2011 with an asking price of $13,500,000.

The Osbournes, ex-pat Brits who live primarily stateside nowadays, decamped the meticulously manicured streets of Beverly Hills for the horsey guard-gated semi-rural/über suburban Los Angeles community of Hidden Hills. Property records and previous reports show the Prince of Darkness and his high-glitz power princess-wife/manager paid $12,388,500 for a substantial mansion with gorgeous vistas across the surrounding hills and towards the Pacific Ocean.

After a bit of bedroom reconfiguration and a doozy of a decorative do up by famed (and famous) nice, gay decorator Martyn Lawrence-Bullard, Missus and Mister Osbourne had their rambling, country-glam digs in the celebrity-packed suburban sticks photographed for the June 2011 issue of Architectural Digest. Missus Osbourne herself commented in the article that she and the mister get real estate "itchy feet" and have never lived anyplace longer than seven years. It should come as a surprise to no one then–least of all the folks at Architectural Digest–that yesterday Missus and Mister and Osbourne hoisted their mansion in Hidden Hills on the market with an asking price of $12,999,000.

Your Mama did a few quick and rudimentary calculations on our bejeweled abacus that indicate that even if the Osbournes manage to secure a full price sale–and what's the likelihood of that?–they might squeak by with a sliverish profit once they fork over the fat real estate fees that by our unscientific estimation could easily run upwards of half a million smackers. And that's not counting the high renovation and day-core costs that surely ran well upwards of a million clams.

Property records show the Missus and Mister Osbourne's Hidden Hills estate encompasses 2.25 mostly manicured acres and includes a mansion that measures 10,930 square feet. Current listing information shows the multi-pronged pad contains 6 bedrooms and 6 full and 4 half bathrooms plus a guest/staff apartment with kitchenette. The Architectural Digest article states that after they purchased the property, Missus and Mister Osbourne embarked on a renovation that narrowed the bedroom count down to three in order to make way for an expanded master suite that now includes extensive walk-in wardrobes, two luxe bathrooms and a pair of private offices, a paneled one for him and another for her decorated with black and white Cecil Beaton fashion photographs.

The children will–or should–recognize Martyn Lawrence-Bullard as the English guy on Million Dollar Decorator. Mister Lawrence-Bullard, bless his fey heart, is prone to grandiose statements like, "Symmetry is purity and purity is delicious" and swans around and calls everyone "daaahhhhrling" in a vaguely not-British accent. We love him and his hammy ways. Mister Lawrence-Bullard's heavily-processed decorative fancies have appeared in every shelter magazine known to (wo)mankind and he's well-known in the design and day-core industry for his high wattage celebrity clientele who include (but are far from limited to) Elton John, Cher, Kid Rock, Daisy Fuentes, and soft-core porn purveyor Joe Francis. Whatever one may think of his theatrical eclecticism, when it comes to putting a room together famous folks will spend big bucks–and we mean BIG bucks–for the scruffy designer's signature dramatic (and sometimes melodramatic) decorative flourishes.

Mister Lawrence-Bullard thankfully thinned the truckloads of religious iconography that Missus and Mister Osbourne had stuffed into their Beverly Hills mansion, which featured prominently in the family's early- to mid-2000s ground-breaking reality program The Osbournes. He did not, however, restrain the decorative pomposity for which he's famous (and good at) and the result is a madcap and often enchanting mix and match of old-school English country house, Gothic glam and Shabby Chic farmhouse, all of which is washed over with a hefty twinge of Versailles. It's terribly nouveau, really, but it's so damn quirky and, despite its lustrous sheen of artificiality, so deeply personal that it works...for the Osbournes. Mister Lawrence-Bullard recognizes that the house belongs not to his flights of fancy but to the Osbourne and as such peppered the couple's casually ritzy residence with their many kooky collections that include antique tea sets, cow-shaped things and dolls.

A curving drive climbs up to a stone motor court at the front of the house that has more than a few barn-like architectural garnishments such as the gambrel roof line and silo-like form that marks the main entry. Even though Your Mama's Big Daddy' lives in a house that looks suspiciously like a converted barn–it was never actually a barn–we don't care for this particular vernacular. Iffin we wanted to live in a damn barn we'd be a horse.

Anyhoodles poodles, the mansion's decorative lasciviousness smacks a person across the face immediately upon entering the house through the the double-height circular foyer that features a towering two-story wall of windows and a floating staircase painted jet black that curls like a kitten around a gilt-edged table that Architectural Digest described as "19th-century French." Your Mama, on the other hand would describe the table in a far less educated manner, perhaps, as a gilt-accented antique table that probably cost more than our BMW.

The formal living room–all red, rose and pink–features a fireplace with, ahem, a gilded angel statuette in front of it, a bowed wall of French doors, crystal chandelier and a lot of over-scaled brocade and silk upholstered furniture. In the formal dining room–which, in truth, looks magical in the glossy pages of Architectural Digest but a little frumpy in listing photos–French doors on either side of a Directoire-style fireplace with carved stone chimney breast open the room to the cool ocean breezes that sometimes drift over the mountains. Light from (a-may-zingly decadent) crystal wall-mounted chandeliers and a 19th-century French chandelier that hangs over the Lawrence-Bullard-designed table and chairs reflects and multiplies off the silver-leafed ceiling and the walls covered in a Chinoiserie-style silver painted-silk wall treatment.

The more intimate areas of the house include an exquisitely paneled library with fireplace, built-in bookcases and a tufted sofa covered in midnight blue velvet. If Your Mama knows Mister Lawrence-Bullard–and we do not know Mister Lawrence-Bullard–it's probably yummy-yummy and atrociously expensive silk velvet. The cook-friendly eat-in country kitchen has a large work island/snack bar with distressed red stools, an adjoining breakfast nook wrapped in windows with expansive view, walk-in pantry and commercial-grade stainless steel appliances. The kitchen was not, it seems, designed with a cubby for the microwave since listing photos show one sitting on the counter next to the stove. Call us persnickety but for thirteen million bucks, hunnies, we want to the microwave to have a built-in place of its own.

A pair of sliding barn doors open the kitchen to the white-washed family room with vaulted ceiling with exposed beams and trusses, antique brick fireplace surround, reclaimed wide-plank wood floors and, because this is the Osbourne's crib and everything must drip with glam, a trio of glittering antique crystal chandeliers. Mister Osbourne, according to Architectural Digest, likes to paint in this room. A narrow staircase near the kitchen, lined with Mister Osbourne's many gold and platinum albums, descends to the lower level outfitted with a home theater and state-of-the-art recording and rehearsal studios.

The master suite–probably larger and certainly far more glitzy than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's house, contains a sizable separate sitting room furnished with angels and velvet covered things and a large bedroom with vaulted ceiling, French doors that open to a private terrace, high gloss painted wood floors, and a fireplace flanked by a pair of stunning oval windows. We could do without the floral-printed balloon shades that look like the bottom of Marie Antoinette's dress, but the elliptical windows are, to use Mister Lawrence-Bullard's favorite word, fabulous. The master suite, as mentioned above, also includes his and her bathrooms, custom-fitted walk-in closets/dressing rooms and a pair of offices.

In classic southern California-style several terraces at the rear of the house extend the living space to the outdoors. A stone-walled covered patio with archways that frame the mountain views, has a soaring wood-beamed ceiling, outdoor fireplace and–for the always necessary glam factor–a chandelier. Adjacent to the infinity-edged swimming pool and spa–which includes a shallow kiddie pool too–a pergola shades a lounging/dining area with built-in barbecue center, terliting facility and outdoor shower.

We haven't heard a whisper from any of our sources inside the celebrity real estate game about where Missus and Mister Osbourne might next be headed but iffin we were the betting type–and we're not–we'd put all our chips on red 57 that they'll pack up their vintage tea set and doll collections and head on back to on of the high-toned zip codes in the Platinum Triangle: Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Holmby Hills. We shall see, buttons, we shall see.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty