Michael Bay Bails in Montecito

SELLER: Michael Bay
LOCATION: Montecito, CA
PRICE: $6,800,000
SIZE: 5,431 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 full and 2 half bathrooms (total)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Action film director/producer Michael Bay (The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, the Transformers franchise) has gotten a lot flack in the Tinseltown trade papers and snarky movie blogs over the years for being a hack, an honest-to-goodness no-talent whose professional forte leans towards hiring pin-thin model-hot women and making scores of things blow up in a cinematically exhilarating manner.

Your Mama does not have an opinion of Mister Bay's film making talents–or alleged lack thereof–since we can honestly say we've never seen a single one of his many films. Film making hack or not, Mister Bay's notoriously high-octane action flicks have grossed billions of dollars and, although we suspect it's, a bit high, some online outlets peg the movie makers net worth at as much as half a billion bucks. We make no claim as to Mister Bay's actual net worth but we can say property records indicate the man has ample dough-re-mi to buy and maintain a hefty handful of modern mansions in some of the most expensive (and celebrity stocked) zip codes in the United States.

Thanks to an informant we'll call I.M. Uhsnitch Your Mama has come to learn that Mister Bay recently opted to lighten his heavy real estate load and listed an airy contemporary tucked privately into a hilly slope in high-brow Montecito, CA with an asking price of $6,800,000. Our limited poke through publicly available online records did not turn up a purchase price for the property but considering that Mister Bay bought the somewhat secluded 1.3 acre estate way back in early 1997 we can all be assured he stands to make a small fortune upon the sale.

Listing information shows the voluminous mansion, designed by Santa Barbara-based architect Jan Hochhauser, measures 5,431 square feet and includes a total of 4 bedrooms and 4 full and 2 half bathrooms. The main house, an L-shaped cluster of square and rectangular masses of varying size, contains both of the half bathrooms and 3 of the bedrooms, each of which has an en suite terliting and bathing facility. The remaining bedroom and bathroom are located in the detached guest cabana perched in the tree tops off to one side of the swimming pool and spa.

A long gated drive winds up through the thickly treed grounds to a large motor court with front-facing attached three-car garage. A powerful pair of towering vertical planes of glass block partially shielded by a magnificent mature eucalyptus tree and a small steel awning mark the main entrance to the house. We know there will be many children who whine and complain about these massive glass block insets. Certainly Your Mama would not recommend a person do this in their house today, but perhaps this house is probably best seen through the architectural goggles of the early 1990s when the concrete, steel and glass residence was designed and built..

A slightly curved and sky lit foyer organizes and connects the main rooms on the lower level of the two story house. For better or worse, most of the floors in most of the house are covered in slate-colored tiles that we imagine are far more expensive and materially exclusive than that description makes them sound. At least one of the bedrooms has wall-to-wall carpeting and there is a chocolate brown hardwood floor inset into the prairie like floor in the family room.

Art gallery white walls are broken by broad swathes of sliding glass doors in the eat-in kitchen and living and dining room that all open to the multifunctional terrace that extends from the back of the house into the lushly landscaped yard and the panoramic views beyond.

The unusually vast family room, the architectural red meat of the residence, is defined by a pair of barrel vaulted sky lights set into the ceiling of the double height space, the high-drama sort of element one might more readily expect to find in a shopping mall and not in a mansion in Montecito. The room sits discreetly between the kitchen and garage/service areas of the house where it's almost divorced from the dramatic panoramic ocean vistas available from the rear of the house. For what it's worth–and it ain't worth a damn thing–Your Mama thinks the room has more in common architecturally with the frequent flyer lounge of an international airport than it does a private residence in one of the most expensive residential enclaves in all of California. That does not mean we hate the room. We don't. But is not, hunnies, let's be honest, an easy room to love iffin your idea of a perfect Friday night at home is curled up into a cozy corner with a book and a bowl of penny candy. We do, it shall be noted, appreciate the fireplace, built-in entertainment cabinets, wet bar, and adjoining shaded dining/barbecue patio that bring necessary human-scale elements to a room.
A quick perusal of the floor plan (above) shows the three upstairs bedrooms are privately situated in two wings connected by a balcony/bridge cantilevered out over the void above the family room beneath the barrel vaulted sky lights. One wing contains two family bedrooms, each with private bathroom and one with access to a substantial patio and rose garden on top of the garage. Privacy lovers will appreciate the master suite which occupies its own separate wing and includes a large bedroom with sitting area plus two private balconies, one that overlooks the motor court and another that juts out over the dining terrace below and provides unimpeded views of the Pacific Ocean and the outline of the Channel Islands along the horizon. The attached bathroom features separate sinks and vanities, terlit cubby, exercise area and two walk-in closets of generous proportions. The jetted soaking tub and shower both have direct ocean views through a wide band of glass that framelessly wraps around the outside corner of the shower.

The lower level of Mister Bay's Montecito mansion opens seamlessly to a u-shaped terrace with dining, lounging and sunbathing sections. The terrace, some sort of stone tile laid at a 45-degree angle to the house, has a narrow border of perfectly manicured lawn that wraps around an infinity edged swimming pool and inset spa.

A bantam studio-style guest/pool house offers an approximately 400 square foot sky lit living area with built in cabinetry, a wet bar, private bathroom, and a wall of floor to ceiling windows with views across the swimming pool to the ocean and Channel Islands in the far distance.

In addition to his no longer wanted mansion in Montecito Mister Bay also owns several posh properties in Los Angeles plus a thoroughly modern mansion in Miami Beach, FL that he bought in August 2007 for $17,000,000. The titanic 17,339 square foot pile sits directly on the Intracoastal Waterway and contains an astonishing 11 bedrooms and 11.5 bathrooms. It could be noted here that Mister Bay is single–or, at least, unmarried and without children. As far as Your Mama is concerned, 11 bedrooms and 11.5 bathrooms just seems so lonely for one person but we're funny that way maybe. Anyhoo, some of the children who have been around the celebrity real estate block a time or two with Your Mama may recall that Mister Bay bought his behemoth beach house in Miami from former professional wrestler turned showbiz fixture and frequent tabloid fodder Hulk Hogan. Mister Bay eventually had the monumentally-scaled house photographed for the glossy pages of Elle Decor.

In 1999, on the financial successes brought by The Rock in 1996 and Armageddon in 1998, Mister Bay shelled out a very a-list $5,160,000 for a boxy white contemporary crib with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms in 7,919 square feet in the real estate heart of Bel Air, directly north of the very posh Bel Air Country Club. Views over the Bel Air Country Club and Los Angeles.

In late 2005 the hot chick dater scooped up another residence in Los Angeles, this one west of the 405 freeway in the rustic Mandeville Canyon area between the Brentwood and Pacific Palisades communities. Property records shows the gated house–also a boxy white modern thing set into a thick stand of trees–measures a comparatively modest but hardly small 3,248 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. We have no idea why Mister Bay bought a second luxury residence just a few miles from is other one in Bel Air but such are the sometimes inexplicable real estate ways of the rich and famous.

Perhaps not content with the two homes he already owned in Los Angeles, Mister Bay went house hunting again in 2009. We don't know how many houses he looked at but eventually he settled on an iconic and well-known low-slung contemporary in Bel Air built in 1951 and dramatically sited on a nearly five acre promontory on some of the most hallowed real estate grounds in all of Los Angeles.

Mister Bay purchased the spectacular if outdated compound for $10,900,000 from the estate of well-known and extraordinarily well-connected west coast philanthropist and socialite Marion Jorgensen and her previously deceased second husband, steel magnate Earle Jorgensen. Rumors immediately began to swirl through the real estate community that Mister Bay planned to raze the Jorgensen residence and replace it with his own version of multimillion dollar residential heaven. Your Mama isn't sure what exactly Mister Bay intends to erect on the site but we do know that he has indeed torn down the multi-winged single-story house and its various outbuildings that once contained a total of 7 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms.

If all the boxy moderns that remain in Mister Bay's property portfolio are a hint as to what his new house in Bel Air might look like Your Mama would bet our long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly there's a big boxy modern in the works with voluminous rooms and vast expanses of windows that blur psychological and actual divisions between the interior and exterior living spaces. We shall see, buttons, we shall just have to wait and see.

A little additional looking around on the interweb tells us we are not and hardly the first pony out of the gate at this particular celebrity real estate rodeo. C'est la vie, butter beans.

listing photos and floor plan: Sotheby's International Realty

Design Schizophrenia: WWPPD?

 

 

My so-called attempt at less clutter – no colorful Masonware in favor of white books and white shells.

 

I wrote about this a few years ago HERE, but it doesn’t seem to get any better.  Design Schizophrenia.  Last time out, I fretted over clutter versus no clutter.  What do you do when you love the cluttered look of an old English manor, but you also love the uncluttered look of a Belgian estate?  Unless you can afford two houses, you’re out of luck.  So, here, several years later, nothing is solved, nothing has changed.  Which look do I prefer – lots of accessories or no accessories?   When I started slowly redecorating my house last year, I really tried to unclutter.  I wanted to get rid of all my accessories and just go bare.  It didn’t happen.  Yes, I got rid of some things – I put away my blue and white, red and white, black and white, and purple and white transferware – but replaced it with a collection of plain creamware.  Not as cluttered looking, but still – a collection.   I put away my colorful Masonware and replaced it with white books and white shells.  Hmm – still anxious over that one. 

 

 

Chinese altar fruit collection came out of storage, despite my attempts at de-cluttering.

 

I put away my beautiful collection of Asian altar fruit, but then pulled it out again and moved it to my bedroom to go with my new Oriental hand painted wallpaper.  Oh, and my blue opaline is there too, hiding in the bedroom.  Shoot me now.   I want to go bare, naked as a jaybird (are jaybirds more naked than bluebirds?)  but I can’t do it.   Why?????    I look to my guru, Pamela Pierce, and she has it down, cold.  No collections.   No little accessories everywhere.  Just one or two antiques or a confit pot filled with white roses.   Of course her French pots are all gloriously rustic white, while mine are yellow – at least I’ve sold most of them.  Whenever I move something around in my house, I hear this little voice, what would Pam Pierce do?   Yes, what WOULD Pam Pierce do if she came to my house?  HORRORS!  A nightmare!  Stay away!!!   Too embarrassing!   Nasty anons who post comments about my house say it’s so boring with just white slipcovers.   I take it as a compliment, boring.   I want it to be quiet and flowing and restful.   It’s not.  I’m working on it, though.   I wish I were Pam Pierce, the queen of editing.   The queen of gorgeous slipcovers.  The queen of fabulous antiques that you never see in a shop.   Yes, what would PP do? 

 

I love a glorious English garden with roses and flox and wildflowers all in a mess.   But….

 

But then I look at Pam Pierce’s garden.  Just box and French jardinières and more box and a few gorgeous antique lanterns.  And a simple French iron table.   Sometimes simple is much, much prettier.  How would you love to walk into this front door each day????

 

 

I adore this entry from Lynn Von Kersting – such a beautiful railing with sensuous lines.   But….

 

But…then I see this entry from Pam Pierce – no railing at all.  A simple outdoor concrete pot filled with flowers.  There are only 2 accessories, plus two pots of flowers.  Heavenly.

 

I did a backflip over this dining room by Michelle Nussbaumer.   We must be alike, she also likes skirted tables, and I have those same pots flanking the fireplace and a clam shell is on my mantel too.   Laughing – we are SO alike!  not!  I wish though.    This dining room is so vibrant and happy.  It makes me smile.  It’s cluttered in an orderly fashion.  It’s soo Michelle.

 

And then I see this dining room by Pierce.  Quiet with touches of pale lavender linen.  Such a subtle hint of color.    Very few accessories.   The trolley is actually used to hold dishes and glasses – which become a decorative statement.  No accessories that aren’t really used.  Lesson to be learned. 

 

 

I liked this dining room recently seen in Elle Décor.  It’s youthful and fun and creative.  Friendly and vivacious. 

 

But would it ever replace this quietly elegant dining room by Jane Moore, another Houston great?  One accessory, well two if you count the ironstone pot’s top.   The clock and chandelier become the decorative elements – they speak so much louder than a mass of transferware.  You appreciate their beauty without having to fight to see it.  Lesson learned.

 

 

 

Such a beautiful, classic dining room by Nicholas Haslam.   All the chinoiserie elements work together instead of fighting each other.   So perfect really – this would be hard to emulate.  I love this look until….

 

Until, I see this breakfast room by Pam Pierce – and drool.  A light –is that lilac or gray linen? colored slipcover becomes the star, along with a set of painted antique doors.   The table is a knockout too.   No one does slips as pretty as Pierce.   I’ve tried to copy them, but it’s hard to copy perfection.   Notice how they just slightly drape the floor and how they are gathered in double pleats – or are those triple pleats?   Notice the sink on the back wall.   And the pots – something utilitarian - becomes a decorative element.

 

A beautiful French living room, seen recently in Veranda.   Makes your heart flutter.  That mass of blue and white vases, the collection of English smalls on every table top.  Elegant – a collection gathered over a lifetime. 

 

 

 

Or this living room by Charles Faudree – the interior designer who invented American French design with his layers of accessories and tables and chairs.  so beautiful!  Who can resist this?  I can’t.

 

Or this living room, with its mixture of contemporary and antique.  Well balanced and interesting, subtle yet cluttered.  Loving the mix of the Barcelona chaise with the French antiques.  I love this look…

 

But then I see this living room from Pierce, with its own version of a mix of contemporary and antique.  The Barcelona chaise looks perfectly at home with the white linen slipped sofas.   There’s even a trendy bricklayer table mixed in with rustic antique tables.   The accessories are so subtle, you don’t even notice them – except for the confits filled with white roses.   The rough, wide planked floor is left uncovered – adding another subtle decorative element. 

 

I adore Alessandra Branca’s style.  She is one of a kind.  Born in Rome she brings a unique European sensibility to her U.S. designs.  She loves the cluttered look – enough is never enough.   Here she mixes fabrics upon fabrics to create interest and texture.   Je’adore!

 

But then, talking of European sensibility.  Whoa.  Gorgeous.  Is this Houston?   Looks like France to me.  Love how Pierce separated the French Duchesse en Brisee into two areas.  Notice how high and deep her down cushions are!  Love the tall Swedish table in the middle of it all and the subtle gray and white rug.   The architecture – the walls, the windows, and the floors add to the perfection.

 

I love this busy family room by Peter Dunham.  Love his fabrics, his mix of patterns, his apple matting – love it all.  Cluttered, yet interesting, comfy and warm.

 

 

But, then I see this sitting room by Pierce – with more beautiful slipcovers – again, double pleated, slightly draping on the floor.  She takes four different pieces and creates a set with the matching slips.   The steel windows are left uncovered, as are the floors – each adding important texture.   Her bakers rack is filled with confits and flowers – that’s all.    I love how Pierce never uses patterned fabrics.  Just linens and sometimes a touch of silk velvet.   Love that. 

 

I mean, I try.   This is my coffee table EDITED.  Too funny!!!  The more I edit, the more things grow and multiply.  I can’t seem to give anything up.  The more I put away, the more I seem to have.   I need Pierce’s touch.  WWPPD?

 

 

Here’s how Pierce does a coffee table, interesting, simple.  This room has a masculine vibe – as if it’s a man’s study perhaps.

 

 

Or a side table, with just one perfect pot and twelve white roses. 

 

 

Or here, with one sconce and a few pots.   I’ve never seen a sconce this beautiful in my neighborhood antique stores.   Where does Pierce find such perfect things?  Such a perfect vignette.

 

 

 

Makes me want to go get the Barcelona chaise in white.  And that mirror too, if I could find it.   All photos of Pierce’s work are by Peter Vitale, author of that great book The Divine Home, HERE.  Vitale also does interior design, very similar in feel to Pierce’s work – uncluttered and peaceful with a mix of beautiful antiques.  Vitale’s web site is HERE.  Pam Pierce’s new web site is HERE where you can see many more pictures of her work.  I could stare at her web site for hours on end and sometimes do, just hoping to soak up some of her talent.

 

Well, I am thoroughly depressed now.   I get that way when I see pictures of a designer whose work I greatly admire!   I want to be that talented!   I guess I should be thankful I’m not competitive by nature or I would have an ulcer by now.   What is your design schizophrenia?  Are there two looks you love that contradict themselves?    Or do you just like one style and stick with it (much better if you are like that.)    Is there a designer you really admire?   Would you be embarrassed to have them to your house?    I have a whole long list of Houston designers that aren’t allowed anywhere near my house!   Not even counting the national ones like Buatta, Easton, Moss, et al.   Forget them!   If they want to come over for tea, we’ll just have to meet at the Four Seasons.  Period.  No exceptions. 

 

 

 

The last blog story featured a barn door in the foyer.  Here I wanted to show you this barn door by Martyn Lawrence Bullard that he put in the family room leading into the kitchen in Ozzy Osbourne’s house.   Isn’t it great?   Love it!!  Featured in Architectural Digest. 

 

And finally…..

Houstonian Leslie Sinclair, of Segreto Finishes, has recently completed her first book!     Probably most of the better houses in Houston that I've featured had walls done by Leslie’s company.    Segreto specializes in gorgeous plasters and fauxs on wood.  Their work is all very subtle – adding a layer of texture and a sophistication to the house.   The book is filled with page after page of some of the most beautiful houses.  To preorder, go HERE.   Be sure to look at the schedule of book signings.  Congratulations Leslie!    You’re the best!!!

Update: Birbaum Sues Gallin

Earlier today we passed along a scandalicious report from TMZ about Hollywood heavyweight Roger Birnbaum suing legendary talent manager turned high-end house flipper Sandy Gallin. Mister B claims the house he bought from Mister G back in 2007 now "leaks like a sieve" and he wants half a million dollars (or so) to make the appropriate repairs.



Your Mama just knew deep down in our dark heart this legal dispute was going to get bitterly vicious and we told the children to pop some popcorn and get ready for the fireworks. Sure enough, here they come, even sooner than we imagined and brighter than a supernova.



Ooo-wee, children. Brace yourselves. Mister Gallin may be a mincer but he's clearly not one to mince words when it comes to his real estate reputation. TMZ followed up with a second report that Mister Gallin filed a counter suit against Mister Birnbaum that positively hisses that '" [Birnbaum] is motivated by his well-known miserly and parsimonious behavior in his efforts to avoid paying for the roofing remodel himself, which he believes will increase the value of the property that is , embarrassingly to Birnbaum, worth less than what he paid for it.'''



Snap!