Morning Mish Mash

Listen my little chickadees, today is a travel day. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter are once again winging our way to the other coast for a little rest and relaxation beside Sister Cooter's cement pond so we won't be available to discuss celebrity real estate until Friday...at the earliest.

But because we don't want to leave y'all shivering and shaking like a damn junkie, we're gonna drop this mish mash on you before we jump into the back of a long black town car and head to the el aeropuerto.

Now behave. We don't want to arrive and have to hand out a smack down because y'all couldn't control your mouths.

1.
Your Mama has been plain negligent about posting an update on the Malibu estate that Californication's David Duchovny and his wifey Téa Leoni put on the market a few weeks ago...

Turns out they changed their minds. Yes puppies, that's right, they de-listed their $12,000,000 house. According to their real estate agent, the fickle minded pair changed their damn minds just a couple of short weeks after listing their Carbon Mesa Road casa.

The luverly Ann Brenoff who pens the LA Times' Hot Properties column went looking for the poop and when she asked the listing agent if the property was withdrawn due to an offer being presented, the secretive agent declined any additional comment.

So what was all that fussing and whining by the Missus 'bout the children looking sunburned and sleepy and the Missus wanting the children to go to get educated in a fancy Manhattan school? Shoot, if Your Mama were the betting type, and we're not, we'd say there surely sounds like there could more to this story than meets the ol' evil eye.

2.
Several weeks back Mister Big Time asked, "Where in the world is...Robert Downey Jr." Well children, Your Mama does not know where he is now, but we do know where he was.

Mister Big Time referenced several articles in major publications which described the location of Mister Downey Jr.'s leased home base as "at the end of a leafy cul-de-sac" and "at the end of a cul-de-sac in Brentwood." That leafy cul de sac in Brentwood is Greenock Place where Mister Downey Jr. resided in a 5 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom house which listing information describes as dramatic, completely private with lush landscaping and fantastic backyard with a sparkling pool.

No children, Mr. Downey Jr.'s former home is not for sale. As it turns out the 5,380 square foot contemporary has become available to lease at $12,500 per month, which indicates that Mister Downey Jr. has done decamped to new digs. In fact, Your Mama hears through the real estate gossip grapevine that the Oscar nominated actor with the troubled past recently purchased a home, but at this point it's just rumor and gossip children so don't anybody go repeating that shit like it's gospel. Seriously, for all we really know, he's sleeping up on Jack Nicholson's couch.

3.
According to the Wall Street Journal, some musician named Usher has reduced the asking price of his suburban Atlanta mansion. After raising the asking price last September from $1,950,000 to $2,300,000, the singer is now asking an even steven $2,000,000. Your Mama discussed this crib back in September of 2007

Located in the same gated golf where tabloid train wrecks Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown owned a home before they went all (allegedly) druggie and splitsville, the 8,022 square foot house includes 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, a private hair salon (natch), professional recording studio installed by previous owner, music mogul L.A. Reid.

Your Mama would feel sorry for Mister Usher, but we don't even know who he is.

4.
Your Mama is feeling in a generous mood today so we're going give Mister Big Time another helping hand today, this time regarding the Los Feliz residence that was recently sold by septuagenarian actress Ronnie Claire Edwards for $3,850,000. Mister Big Time was unsure of who purchased the property but because of the title and deed records assumed, correctly, that the new owner is a celebrity. According to wickedly well informed Lucy Spillerguts–a luvlee ladee with unparalleled and potent powers of discovery–the 6,516 square foot house was purchased by Michael Balzary, the Red Hot Chili Pepper bass player who the world better knows as Flea.

Mister Balzary has been on a bit of real estate whirligig lately. Property records (and reports) show that in late 2006 the moneyed musician forked over $9,980,000 for a 2.01 acre ocean front spread in Malibu with a 2,731 square foot house.

Unfortunately for Mister Balzary, he seems to have gotten caught in a real estate squeeze with his previous residence in Malibu which he's been trying to sell for a very long time...since at least late 2006. Your Mama discussed the Sycamore Meadows Drive property back when it was listed at $4,800,000. According to current listing information, the asking price has been seriously karate chopped to $2,800,000, which is just $350,000 more than he paid for the 4,882 square foot house in 2002. Oh dear.

5.
Your Mama received a correspondence from Mister Smiley who linked us over to an article in the NY Post about yet another celebrity who is losing his house, this time it's rapper/actor DMX, a man whose real name, Earl Simmons, is a lot less scary sounding. Anyhoo, according to the NY Post, Mister DMX purchased an East Harlem townhouse in 2001 with the hope of converting it from an SRO into luxury rentals...Oh, you know what, children, it's the middle of the damn night and we have got to go. So if you're interested in this DMX person, go read the NY Post.

Jamie Foxx Trots Out Of Tarzana

SELLER: Jamie Foxx
LOCATION: Van Alden Drive, Tarzana, CA
PRICE: $2,230,000
SIZE: 5,428 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.25 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Palm Desert Resort meets architectural style in Tarzana, CA! This 3 bedroom + 3.25 bath estate is at the foot of Braemar Country Club and Santa Monica Mtn Conservatory, has just been freshened to a crisp finish and includes media theater, soundproofed rooms and orchestral wiring used as recording studio and vocal booth, game room, sports court, gym, pool, pool house, great room, outdoor lin'g deck, motor court for about 10 cars, all tucked away behind a secluded wall, on approx. .84 acres & 5400 sq. ft.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The 40-acre Thousand Oaks estate that Oscar winning and egotastic actor Jamie Foxx purchased back in June of 2006 must be ready for occupancy because the filthy rich funny man has listed his long time Tarzana crib for sale with an asking price of $2,230,000. Actually, Mister Foxx's den (of alleged iniquity) has been listed since mid-April, but all us real estate gossips musta been asleep at the wheel because none of our damn eagle eyes seem to have noticed until now. If Your Mama is being honest, which we always are, we can't take credit for locating this listing on our own. We learned about it only after being alerted by a friendly tipster who asked that we call him The Driver.

Property records indicate the 5,428 square foot single story sprawler was purchased way back in 1997 for $930,000 and it's well known that the kooky comedian has thrown some ka-razy parties here. In fact, back in 2006 the neighbors famously called the po-leese complaining that a nekkid basketball game was being played on Mister Foxx's private half-court. Yes children, that's right, nood basketball. Can you imagine anything less sexy? All that man-junk flying around hither and yon is not attractive and quite frankly it sounds more than a little painful. Mister Foxx claimed he was not home when the po-po showed up to put the kibosh on the game and has said that most of the nekkid dribblers were in fact ladees, a reasonable explanation from a man who has long battled rumors of enjoying the sexual company of another man every now and then. We're not sayin' anything, we're just sayin' that's what people say. As far as Your Mama knows, he's nothing but a full time ladee luver.

Anyhoo, listing information for Mister Foxx's Vanalden Avenue property indicates the entire property has been recently freshened up. And it certainly does look Spic and Span clean don't it children? However, since Your Mama never received an invitation to one of Mister Foxx's famous par-tays we can't say whether we're looking at the creamy beige handiwork of a nice gay decorator if a professional stager was paid the big bucks to clean the bodily fluids off the floors and truck in a butt load of comfortable looking but not particularly compelling furniture. Due to all the rolled up towels, potted orchids and beach balls floating in the pool, Your Mama suspects the latter.

Whatever the case, it's clear Mister Foxx did up and did over this house to be his own private Las Vegas. Listing information reveals that in addition to the three bedrooms and 2 full and 3 quarter baths (good heavens children, what is a damn quarter bath?) the 1949 renovated ranch includes a home gym (which isn't so surprising given the size of Mister Foxx's 40 year old pumped pex), a game room in the basement, a media/music room, and a sound proofed recording studio.

The backyard is a regular resort that includes a large deck along the back of the house for chillin' and grillin', large flat lawn areas for fierce games of croquet, a large rectangular pool with adjacent pool house, a sunken spa and, of course, the infamous half court sport court where all the unclothed sport magic happens.

There are a couple of additional features that stand out to Your Mama.

1. The televisions. There seems to be a boob-toob in every room. The kitchen alone has three...or are those small screens closed circuit? Hmm.

2. The bathtub. Appropriately done in a flesh tone, the behemoth bathtub will easily fit Mister Foxx and several large breasted bitches for some group tub love. Not pictured is an equally commodious and mulit-person friendly shower.

3. The aquariums: Your Mama is not a fan of the residential built in aquarium because too often they remind us of the orthodontist office where Sister Woman got her braces tightened. However, the two flanking the fireplace in the living room appeal more than most we've seen. If only that giant mirror above the fireplace was removed, we might actually be able to focus on the aquariums.

4. The kitchen: Sorry Mister Foxx, but it's disappointing. Well appointed and decently sized, but the speckled granite is dated. Listing information says there are SubZero and Wolf appliances, but that stove does not look like a damn Wolf, not with that puny hood. None the less, we'll allow that this room may in fact look better in person than in the photo.

5. The privacy: Or rather, the lack of it. We're shocked to see that Mister Foxx's landscapers did not plant privacy hedges around the property. It appears to Your Mama that the neighbors can peer right over the backyard fence in some spots. No wonder they called the po-leese on the nood ball players.

6. The pool house: We love it, or the idea of it. Not fond of the beige tile, but we note the convenient half bathroom, the mini-kitchen for pool side snacks and the dry sauna, perfect for a little heated up hanky panky.

7. Parking: Listing information indicates that there is parking for 10 cars, which pretty much makes the front of the mini-mansion a petite parking lot. However, if you're a party thrower, being able to put all the guest automobiles behind the drive gates is a sweet thing.

Now that Mister Foxx will be shacked up on a 40 acre mogul-style estate in rural Thousand Oaks where the nearest neighbors will need binoculars to see what's going on by the pool, the hard partying and high living Lothario can have all the naked basketball tournaments his little heart desires without risk of the po-po turning up to shut down the nood and naughty shenanigans.

Winona Ryder Rydes Out of Gramercy Park

According to property records and the dirt dishing Page Six column in the NY Post, Oscar nominated actress Winona Ryder quietly sold her Manhattan co-operative apartment located at 1 Lexington Avenue in the relatively halcyon Gramercy Park neighborhood. Miss Ryder sold her crib to neighbors for $2,200,000 so details on the second floor apartment are slim. However, because the 12-story apartment house faces private Gramercy Park, Your Mama presumes the unit includes a coveted key to the gated green space.

Since Miss Ryder's acting career has been in a major tail spin since her 2001 arrest and 2002 conviction for shop lifting at swanky Saks Fifth Avenue in Bev Hills, some snarks and real estate gossips will surely speculate that the sale may be due to a lack of coin. But Your Mama would not be so quick to jump to that conclusion, because not only did the born blond celeb make boo-coo bucks in 1990s, she now has several film projects in pre- and post-production including soon to be released The Informants and next year's Star Trek.

Prop records show that Miss Ryder, who has been recently rumored to be humping around with Keanu Reeves, still owns a three bedroom house on Union Street in San Francisco that she purchased in 1995 for $1,3000,000 as well as her long time four bedroom mini-manse on N. Doheny Drive in Los Angeles that she purchased in 1998 for $2,600,000.

Miss Ryder's now former apartment is located just a few buildings away from Oscar winning actress Julia Roberts' Manhattan digs and a few floors down from the large duplex that Uma Thurman–yet another Oscar nominated actress in the 'hood–owned with ex-huzband and nanny-luver Ethan Hawk. Property records show that Uma Thurman sold that 7th and 8th floor co-op at 1 Lex in October of 2006 for $8,600,000 which was just a few months after she bought another smaller duplex in the building for $2,65o,000. Phew. Did you get that children?