Mariah Carey Buys West Coast Crib

BUYER: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Carey
LOCATION: Antelo Road, Bel Air, CA
PRICE: around $7,000,000 (allegedly)
SIZE: 11,750 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Magnificent gated private view estate on 3 acres. Incredible site. Prime Bel Air address. Staggering 360 degree vus of entire city.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Turns out all the hoopla, head spinning and spilt ink regarding music super star Mariah Carey buying couture queen Suzanne Saperstein's near mythic mansion in the Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles was just that...hoopla. That certainly comes and no surprise to Your Mama who never imagined that the wild and wonderfully kooky Miz Saperstein would ever allow her real estate baby to slip into the hands of a woman likely turn her heavily gilded ballroom into a hair and nail salon and stuff her boo-dwar with a bunch of Hello Kitty crap which is, apparently, one of the whistle stop wonder's preferred decorating motifs.

According to our sources Allez Oup as well as the legendarily knowledgeable Lucy Spillerguts, Your Mama has learned that Miss Carey and her huzband Nick Cannon Carey dumped "around seven million" smackers on a house high in the hills above Bel Air that once belonged to poster princess and original angel Farrah Fawcett, who is, bless her pap hating heart, being ravaged by the cancer even as we type our fingers to the nubbins.

A peep into and a poke around property records reveals that Miz Fawcett sold the Antelo Road residence back in 1999 to a prolific and Grammy winning music engineer/producer named Allen Sides who has used his pin sharp musician's ear while working with music masters like like Eric Clapton, Faith Hill, Mary J. Blige, the incomparable Joni Mitchell, Ray Charles, Ella Fitzgerald, André Previn and that freaky (and deceased) Frank Zappa dude to name just a few. No doubt, the man has crossed musical paths with Miss Mariah a time or two as well.

Thanks to Our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air, we've learned that Mister and Missus Sides listed their dee-voonly secluded 3-acre estate above Stone Canyon in August of 2008 with an asking price of $9,500,000. Before long, the asking price had been sliced, diced, slivered and slashed to $6,995,000 and shortly thereafter the property was removed from the open market but was still, we understand, shopped around off-market. Then along came Miss Mariah who, records show, quietly closed on the property in early April of 2009 for an as yet undisclosed sum of money.

Property records show the sprawling, multi-winged mansion measures 9,951 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. However, listing information we managed to get our grubby mitts on shows the house spans 11,750 square feet (approx.) and includes 5 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms. We don't know why the discrepancy.

Anyhoo, listing information shows that in addition to all the bedrooms, terlit rooms and seven fireplaces, the 2-story center hall traditional includes formal living and dining rooms, den, family room, lanai, library/study (as if), media room, office, an eat in kitchen, and while listing information does not say so, we would not be remotely surprised to learn there is a recording studio on the property. This would, obviously, be a wonderful convenience that would allow Miss Mariah to warble and slide up and down every note on the damn scale without ever changing out of her robe, which we'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly is one of those shorty numbers that barely covers her nether regions.

The grounds include two motor courts, a huge rectangular swimming pool with a pool side pavilion, a large brick terrace with long views down the rugged canyon towards downtown Los Angeles, several flat lawn areas, a gazebo, and three gated entrances, all of which Your Mama can assure the children will be secured with armed sentries prepared to pepper an automobile with a curtain of bullets should anyone be stoopid enough to try and peer through Miss Mariah's tall hedges. Don't even think about it children. Seriously. If you think Ellen Degeneres is serious about her security, then you ain't seen nothing compared to the pretzeling Miss Mariah's burly men will do to anyone who gets nosy enough to cruise on by hoping to catch a glimpse of Our Lady of the Micro Mini and Hair Extensions.

In New York City, Miss Mariah still owns a tremendous triplex apartment in TriBeCa and down in the Bahamas, she owns a multi-acre ocean front compound on guard gated Eleuthera Island where the soft sands are, natch, Miss Mariah's favorite color, pink.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom Moving On

SELLER: Gavin Newsom
LOCATION: Green Street, San Francisco, CA
PRICE : $2,995,000
SIZE: 1,693 square feet, 1 bedroom and 1.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This 1-of-a-kind Russian Hill Penthouse is located in a prestigious full service doorman building, Bellaire Tower, an amazing Art Deco style building designed by noted architect BAUMANN, H.C. This residence was completely remodeled & stripped to the studs & designed by Michael Agins & Assoc. Interior Design firm in SF. This spectacular residence offers the best landmark Vus SF has to offer including 3 Bridges & water VUS from all rms. In unit lry, wired for surround sound, strge, pkg & rf dk.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: All morning long we've been receiving email after email after email from real estate obsessed San Franciscans directing Your Mama to a myriad of reports that reveal the fetching and slick haired mayor of San Francisco Gavin Newsom recently plunked his Russian Hill penthouse on the market with an asking price of $2,995,000.

The smooth talking and socially progressive Mister Newsom became a political super star in 2004 when he took the controversial step of allowing marriage licenses to be issued for gay guys and lesbian ladees. We all know what's become of that. Can the children say Proposition 8? However, he of the glittering and perfect chompers recently tossed his hot potato carrying hat into the ring to become the next governor of California. Lefty liberal Mister Newsom sitting up in the governer's chair in Sacramento is a scenario that no doubt scares the beejeezis out of homophobes all up and down the great Golden State who imagine that if homos and lezzies are allowed to get married the institution of marriage would somehow be compromised. Pleeze. That is just stoopid. Married heterosexual people seem to do a fine job of screwing up their marriages without any help from the gays and lesbians. None the less, we are not here to get all frothed up on our soap box so let's just move on to the real estate. (And p.s., homosexual bashing comments will be removed so spare yourself the effort.)

A peep into the records on Property Shark shows the entrepreneurial Mister Newsom snatched up his 1,693 square foot unit in February of 2006 when he paid family friend Peter Getty–brother of Mister Newsom's former bizness benefactor and boozum buddy Billy Getty–$2,350,000 for the 1 bedroom and 1.5 bathroom Green Street aerie.

The Newsom nest is located on the 20th floor of the beautiful Bellaire Tower, an Art Deco extravaganza built in 1930 and has wrap around views that stretch from the gorgeous Golden Gate Bridge, across to Marin County, over downtown and the TransAmerica Pyramid and all the way down to the hard working Bay Bridge.

An ride up the elegant elevator leads to the front door which opens to an entrance hall and an adjacent powder pooper for guests. The apartment pivots around a sizable central living room which has a wood burning fireplace, arched windows that frame the views and a brown and beige day-core done by a nice gay and local decorator named Michael Algin that is part Jonathan Adler and part Rose Tarlow. Okay, truth be told, we don't actually know if he's gay so lay off.

Anyhoo, to the left of the living room is a media room with more brown and white day-core, a dee-voonly cozy looking chocolate brown velvet sofa, and a giant flat screen tee-vee for catching up on all the reality programs Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly are one of Mister Newsom's many guilty pleasures. Behind the media room is a slightly too narrow dining room with Palladian windows, dark chocolate brown walls and a huge abstract painting that is, quite frankly, to much of the same brown and white color as the rest of the room (and apartment). Like in the living room, where an orange color field painting has been hung above the fireplace, it is our humble and meaningless opinion that something more colorful would really help the dining room from looking, well, a little bit dead. Plus we don't like the lack of a chandelier in here. We assume a pendant fixture was nixed in order to keep sight lines of the big views clutter free, but we really like a chandelier in the dining room.

The gore-may kitchen is bathed in Calcutta marble counter tops atop white cabinets, brown paint, and includes an expensive suite of stainless steel appliances including Viking brand range and microwave, SubZero refrigerator/freezer and a Marvel wine cooler and beverage refrigerator. The trio of arched niches for displaying stemware and booze are far too decoratively gimmicky for our personal taste. According to the floor plan, a door leads to the service hallway and a large pantry and laundry room is tucked away off the kitchen.

On the right side of the living room is a beige library/den with both arched and Palladian style windows, another velvet sofa and a collection of books that all appear to have similar bindings which makes them really more about impressing guests than about reading. Beyond the library is the brown and beige bedroom which offers a giant walk in closet with marble counters, custom built-in, drawers, wall mirror and laundry hamper. The bathroom is painted a pewtery sort of beige with grey veined marble on the floor, half way up the walls, on the counter top and in the steam shower where we can imagine Mister Newsom sweats out the toxins from City Hall.

By any estimation, nearly three million clams for a 1 bedroom apartment in San Francisco is a screaming amount of money. However, listings in the very desirable 65-unit Bellaire Tower are exceedingly rare which, of course, tends to keep prices through the roof even in a lackluster economy. The people at Property Shark show that between February of 2006 and June of 2008 not a single apartment transferred ownership and since 2000 and in fact only 10 units have changed hands since July of 2000. Monthly maintenance charges are $1,414.73 and all that moolah pays for the water and garbage services, the 24-hour doorman, building insurance, earthquake insurance, steam heating, storage, care of the common areas including the roof garden and valet parking, because who wants to park their own damn car if they don't have to?

Given that Mister Newsom and his ack-turuss wifey Jennifer Siebel Newsom are with baby, we imagine their next residence will be a bit more family friendly, no less impressive and, we hope, less brown and beige than their soon to be ex-penthouse.

Gwyneth Paltrow Has Rats?

RENTER: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
LOCATION: Mandeville Canyon Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: We have no idea
SIZE: 5,706 square feet, 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms total
DESCRIPTION: Classic architect designed Monterey Colonial on 5+ park like acres. A true gentlemen's Country Ranch Estate in town that is gated and completely private. Main house entry w/ curved staircase opens to spacious liv rm, paneled pub/game rm. Galleria opens to patio & gazebo. Din rm w/ butler pantry & Jr. Din rm off gourmet kt w/ break area. Master suite w/ FP down & 4 beds up. Pool, sp, guesthouse, tennis court, 6 stall barn, rm for riding ring, foaling barn/GH, spectacular playground & meadows.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Over the weekend Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter went hiking in Mandeville Canyon with Sister Cooter and her pal H.R. Huffandpuff. As we we screaming down Sunset Boulevard in Sister Cooter's overheated Saab sedan on our way trail head, H.R. asked Your Mama what dish we knew about all the recent reports that wishes she were British Oscar winning actress Gywneth Paltrow was having a problem with rats in her L.A. home.

Well children, we are not embarrassed to tell y'all that we knew nothing. Not. A. Thing. At least not about this rat bizness.

When we arrived home, legs exhausted and a-trembling from exertion, we took to the internets where we read that poor Miss Paltrow recently rang up the pest control people after she discovered her new (leased) Los Angeles residence was swarming with the vermin. Vermin! The article went on to say that the rat-infested residence is a luxury apartment near where her soo-blime mother Blythe Danner shacks up. (As far as we know, and of course we don't know nuthin', Mizz Danner lives in an ocean view condominium in Santa Monica.)

This mention of an apartment sorta didn't make sense to Your Mama because, according to Glinda the Good Witch, a gal with her finger on the pulse of current celebrity real estate doings, Miss Paltrow and her rock star huzband Chris Martin recently leased an impressive and sprawling estate in the Mandeville Canyon area of Brentwood that was on the market earlier this year for a knee knocking $28,500,000 and is most definitely not an apartment.

Property records show the 5.3 acre estate sits on multiple parcels with a main house that measures 5,706 square feet (it seems bigger to Your Mama). Listing information shows that between the Monterey Colonial style main house and the guest house there are a total of 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms which should be just about enough space for the family and their retinue of of nannies, macrobiotic chefs, yoga instructors, exercise gurus and ass wipers.

According to listing information the main house features four fireplaces and includes a curving staircase in the entrance hall that opens to the living room, a formal dining room and a junior dining room (whatever that is), a gore-may kitchen with yet another dining area, an office, paneled pub/game room, family room, library/study, loft and lanai.

Outdoor amenities on the celebrity style estate include a tremendous terrace where Gwyny and Madge will have plenty of space to contort their bodies during sunrise yoga sessions, a swimming pool and spa surrounded by a big brick terrace, a properly oriented north/south tennis court, parking for a dozen or more automobiles, a 6 stall horse barn, meadows for pony rides, one of those over sized chess games boards on the back lawn, a play ground and a play house for Miss Paltrow and Mister Martin's oddly named offspring.

Now children, we do not know if this is the rat infested property about which has been reported or if the Paltrow/Martin clan were bedding down in a different rat-infested residence prior to moving to their temporary Mandeville Canyon crib where they're planning to stay a few months while Miss Paltrow gets paid big bucks film the action sequel to Iron Man 2.

Miss Paltrow and Mister Martin live primarily in London where they are reported to own two adjacent townhouses in the Belsize Park area (how very Madonna of them). Stateside, the outrageously rich and successful couple own 3,892 square foot penthouse apartment at the River Lofts building in New York City as well as a 6,800 square foot spread on Old Montauk Highway in Amagansett, NY (which is the Hamptons, dahlinks).