Jeff Lewis Rides Again

SELLER: Jeff Lewis and Ryan Brown
LOCATION: Valley Oak Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,995,000
SIZE: 3,024 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: At the end of a gtd cul de sac, this 60’s post & beam modern has been remarkably renovated w/clean lines, open spaces. Pvt gtd drive. Vus of Hollywood to the ocean. Spacious fam rm w/access to pool/spa. Expansive outdoor space. Mstr w/oversized bath, diva walk-in closet. Finishes incl pilang hrdwd flrs, custom bths & kit, Venetian plaster, Fleetwood drs, windows. Nu systems incl comprehensive security w/cameras, plasma tvs, whole house audio system. 3 car garage, add’l off-street parking.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama as been sitting on this property for a couple weeks now for no other reason that we just haven't gotten around to discussing. Too bizzy. Too preoccupied. Too many other more important properties? Anyhoo, all the children who viewed that deelishus and fa-bew-lus emotional train wreck of a house flipper Jeff Lewis on the Bravo's Flipping Out program will surely recall that this is the project that Mister Lewis and his ex-beaufriend turned bizness partner Ryan Brown began at the end of the last season.

According to all the commercials flooding the boob toob recently, all the real estate obsessed folks like Your Mama will soon be blessed with a new season of Flipping Out, so Your Mama thought it might finally be time to discuss this property in Los Feliz's desirable Oaks neighborhood. The house sits way up Valley Oak Drive and there are three things Your Mama thinks the children ought to know about Valley Oak Drive:

1. It's gated...not guard gated, but gated none the less, so no paps or looky-loos roaming around trying to get a look at famous residents puttering on the front lawn or dead-heading there tiger lilies.
2. The house Jeff Lewis lived in (and sold) on the last season of Flipping Out is located on Valley Oak Drive.
3. The Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie compound is wedged between Valley Oak Drive and Briarcliff Road. Make of that what you will.

Property records show that entrepreneurial and mercurial Mister Lewis and his much less colorful bizness partner Ryan Brown purchased this 3,024 square foot 1960 post and beam in March of 2007 for $1,710,000. If our memory serves correct, and it may not at this early point in the morning, they did a fair amount of demolition of the interior spaces before they put it back together again in a behemoth blaze of beige, brown and white...which is pretty much what they always do on their mid-priced flip properties, isn't it? As the naughty stripper in Gypsy says, "You gotta have a gimmick."

Here's the thing...if Your Mama is being honest, and we always are, we are worn out by and weary of this particular house flipping gimmick. While there's little to beef about because everything is so damn bland and neutral (except for that tragic two tone sofa in the living room which is a punishable offense) Your Mama is dun–D.U.N.–with this sort of W Hotel meets a Calvin Klein outlet store sort of interior day-core. Sorry Mister Lewis...we love you and your crazy ways, and clearly you know how to make the big bucks flipping houses, however Your Mama would really like to see you expand your repertoire beyond beige. Would it kill someone in the Lewis camp to toss in a little color here and there? Seriously? A little blue rug or some green glass objet d'art? Would that really be so terrible?

Anyhoo, given that all the beige furniture and brown fabric are part of the meticulous but over-zealous staging of the property and will be removed when a new owner moves in, let's try to see beyond the beige to the the house itself.

Listing information indicates there are 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in the modestly sized mini-manse that more then a little resembles a motel...an aesthetic reference we don't actually mind that much. A second gate at the bottom of the driveway further ensures the security and privacy of the new owners and listing information indicates that all new systems were added including a comprehensive security system with cameras (more peace of mind for the most paranoid), a whole house audio system and more wall mounted plasma televisions than Your Mama cares to count.

Other notable features of the hillside property include long decks running the length of the house that provide an excellent spot to smoke a post-dinner doobie while gazing over the glittering lights of Tinseltown. The master bedroom includes floor to ceiling glazing, a big bathroom with one of those egg shaped soaking tubs that cost a fortune but would never be used by Your Mama or the Dr. Cooter (who do not like to sit in their own filth), and last but certainly not least a "diva" walk in closet. Oooo gurls, looky here, we got a "diva" walk in closet for all the queens who like to line up their sweaters like they live in a Benetton boo-teek. You know that's gonna bring them running up the hill in their Gucci loafers and Range Rovers.

Your Mama isn't usually fond or friendly about a front yard masquerading as a backyard, but we certainly understand why in this particular case it was the right thing to do (the view). We can appreciate the arrowhead shaped swimming pool and we can imagine that pool deck is a lovely spot to soak up some sun and read all the gossip glossies. But it's also a long haul to the kitchen from the pool deck so we hope that Mister Lewis and Mister Brown have installed a mini-bar with a refrigerator near the pool because Your Mama is too damn lazy to haul our fat ass up all them stairs to the kitchen whenever we need to refresh our pitcher of gin and tonics.

Given the somewhat topsy-turvy state of the market in Los Angeles, Your Mama really hasn't a clue whether this house is priced right or not. We're certain all the Chicken Littles will say it's worth $800,000 and we're sure all the Los Feliz property owners will say it's a steal. The truth may if fact be somewhere in between. Whatever the case, it is Your Mama's humble opinion that if you like livin' in Los Feliz and have several million clams to spend on a house, you could certainly do worse than this.