Katie Price Has Come to America

RENTERS: Katie Price and Peter André
LOCATION: Calicut Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: (reportedly) $100,000 per month
SIZE: 14,000 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Enjoy the summer at Villa Cascata with a spectacular pool area, horse facilities, trails, lawns, formal gardens, koi pond and a large guest house for your out of town visitors. This newly completed masterpiece features interiors by noted designer Audrey Ruth and is sited to command views from Pt. Mugu to downtown Los Angeles...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although it sounds like twig thin Vicki Beckham and her sexy soccer playing sidekick David might like to move back to Europe and Los Angeles is soon to lose British singing sensation Robbie Williams, the City of Angels is gaining another British super star in the form of behemoth breasted British glamazon Katie/Jordan Price and her singer huzband Peter André who famously met on the British reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! The spot light loving couple, quite naturally, have continued to exploit their private lives on reality program after reality program after reality program.

To be fair, Mister André has released a few singles since then and the impressively entrepreneurial Miss Price has also penned three top selling autobiographies (three!), four top selling (and ghostwritten) novels as well as a series of children's books. Additionally she's lined her Birkin bag by licensing her name and image to a whole bunch of products including (but not limited to) lingerie, jewelry, hair care products, a chain of grocery stores and a line of horse care products. And let's not forget the fragrances that bear her name either. So, you know, like it or not, this beehawtcha is all kinds of bizzy with money making endeavors.

Anyhoo, according to the gossip juggernaut TMZ and confirmed by a well connected source we call Mirakle Mike, the frighteningly famous and ridiculously rich couple–who have long been rumored to be looking for temporary digs in Los Angeles–have finally landed in the hills above Malee-boo where they've leased a Mediterranean style pile which listing information calls Villa Cascata, a name which translates roughly to House of Waterfall. It does not appear to Your Mama that there is a waterfall on the property.

In addition to the $100,000 per month asking price, listing information also indicates the newly built manse measures in at a sprawling 14,000 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms plus a detached guest house with separate entrance. In addition to all the expected rooms (an impress the guests style entrance hall, living, dining, den, library, gore-may kitchen and family room) other interior amenities include an art studio, wine cellar, sauna and a home gym set up.

The grounds include two large gated motor courts, arched colonnades, Tuscan style formal gardens, a large trellis covered patio adjacent to the swimming pool and spa, equestrian facilities, commanding views from Point Mugu all the way to downtown L.A. and a stunning semi-circular viewing terrace perfect for some early morning yoga or downing a few gin and tonics at sunset.

Now listen here now, iffin any of you horny children think it would cute to hop in your hoopdies and head out to Malee-boo to try and cop a peep of Miss Price and her mammoth mammaries sunbathing in the nood, Your Mama suggests you just stay home. Not only is it silly and strange to be driving up on celebrity homes, the property is located at the tail end of a private and gated road which means y'all will be left looking like a damn fool sitting in your car on the side of a secluded road out in Malee-boo waiting for Miss Tits to come sliding out of the gates in a car with windows so dark you cain't see through them. How fun.

Now then, even though neither Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter would know Miss Price or Mister André if they walked right into our living room and introduced themselves, we welcome them to the good ol' U.S. of A where blood, sweat, tears and talent isn't the only way to fame and fortune but can also be had with glittering teeth, fake boobies and a creatively entrepreneurial spirit.