Jack Nicholson Wants to Unload in the Bu

SELLER: Jack Nicholson
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $4,250,000 (list); $3,500,000 (sale)
SIZE: 70-ish acres, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While Your Mama has been stuck out in Joshua Tree with our boozy b.f.f. Fiona Trambeau we've been almost entirely without reliable internet service. For the fourth day in a row Your Mama and ol' Fiona set up camp at the Starbucks in Yucca Valley. While Your Mama taps our fat fingers to bloody nubbins trying to get some work done Fiona tarts around in a pair of shiny blue lycra pants that leave little (or nothing) to the imagination and chats up all the middle aged shit-shooters who, apparently, gather each morning here at Starbucks to yakkety yak about medical issues, cleansing diets and president Obama. We'd prefer a less prosaic environment in which to hunker down but we've got to work with what we have, right? Anyhoodles poodles...

This morning we opened our email to find a communique from The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial who informed us that three-time Oscar winning actor and Tinseltown legend Jack Nicholson (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, As Good as it Gets, Terms of Endearment) put a secluded 70-ish acre spread in the Santa Monica Mountains above Malibu on the market with an asking price of $4,250,000.

Mister Nicholson, an iconic and beloved figure in The Industry, has a long an illustrious career in Hollywood as both an actor (Easy Rider, Chinatown, The Postman Always Rings Twice, Batman, The Departed) and legendary cocksman. He's only been married once but his list of paramours is long and includes high-profile females like Angelica Huston, Rebecca Broussard, Michelle Phillips, Bebe Buell, and twigster Lara Flynn Boyle. In classic Casanova style he's made four (or five) children with three (or four) different women.

We take nothing away from Mister Nicholson, his accomplishments or his vaunted position on the Hollywood pedestal but the most interesting thing we find about Mister Nicholson is that he's officially about 5 feet and 10 inches tall while in actuality, at least according to kooky comedienne Carol Kane, "Jack prefers the actresses with whom he works to be on the short side. I wasn't tall, so I was immediately in. The reason for this is that he is no more than five foot seven or so himself. When he has no other choice but to play opposite a lanky actress, he will wear elevator shoes." Fah-sih-nay-ting.

Property records we accessed shows Mister Nicholson's remote property in the mountains above the Bu is comprised of three separate parcels that total nearly 75 acres. The first two parcels appear to have been purchased in July of 1977 for an undisclosed amount of money and in January of 1990 records indicate he acquired the third and largest parcel, also for an undisclosed amount of money. Based on when Mister Nicholson bought the properties Your Mama would guess he paid a pittance compared to it's current market value, whatever that may be.

The single-story main house measures just 2,313 square feet according to listing information and contains three bedrooms and two bathrooms plus staff quarters with additional terliting and bathing facility. Although there are no details, listing information also indicates the property includes a guest house and a caretaker residence that may or may not be one in the same.

Mister Nicholson and his team of property people transformed the completely private property into a recreational hideaway complete with swimming pool, party size spa, lighted tennis court, miles of private hiking trails, a north/south lighted tennis court with cabana and a putting green littered with little red flags.

Mister Nicholson famously owns a large multi-parcel compound high above Los Angeles on the famed Mulholland Drive that totals nearly three acres. He bought the first piece of his real estate puzzle in 1969 when he bought a 3,303 square foot house. In 1993 he added to adjacent parcels, each with a modestly sized house (3,197 and 2,117 square feet). In March of 2005 Mister Nicholson paid $5,000,000 to purchase another adjacent parcel from the estate of Marlon Brando. He subsequently razed Mister Brando's legendary house–called Frangipani–because it had become decrepit and laced with mold.

In addition to his multi-parcel compound on Mulholland Drive, Mister Nicholson has owned a 1,301 square foot house in the Hollywood Hills on Woodrow Wilson Drive that he's owned since 1973 when he paid $49,000 for the property. In 1989 Mister Nicholson (and a woman who does not appear to be one of his ladee friends) paid $327,000 for a 1,188 square foot condo on Main Street in the Venice area of Los Angeles.

Mister Nicholson's property portfolio extends beyond Tinseltown to the northern reaches of California where records show he has a couple acre spread with a modest house in the itty-bitty town of Shasta, CA. Records show Mister Nicholson also owns an ocean front 5 bedroom and 3 pooper house in Kailua on the big island of Hawaii.

The bulk of Mister Nicholson's residential holdings outside of the Los Angeles area are in the star-studded ski resort town of Aspen, CO where records indicate he's got a small condo bought in early 1992 for $180,000, a 3,260 square foot house outside of town and another 5 bedroom and 7 bathroom Victorian mansion (built in 1895) in the downtown area.

listing photos: Hilton & Hyland