Livin' Large Wit Damon Dash

SELLER: Damon Dash
LOCATION: Benedict Canyon area, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,795,000
SIZE: 5,875 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gated long pvt to stunning Spanish villa w/Moroccan flair. Loggia entry, dramatic living room opens to lounge terrace w/city views. Large eat-in kitchen, dining room opens to patio w/FP + outdoor din area. Romantic master w/dual baths. FP & terrace. Lower level family/media room opens to pool and lounge area w/bar. Top level A/V systems. This on is really special.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: We got some new and additional photos for the children of Dash's Bev Hills crib for all the children to pour over. We stand by our overall assessment of the property, but we do have a better understanding of the house. Note the sneaker collection in the closet and the crazy paint techniques.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We're going to head back over to the West coast to bring the children a property we haven't seen written about anywhere else. This Beverly Hills house, tucked up in the hills above Benedict Canyon, belongs to bling bling loving hip hop honcho Damon Dash. The house, built in 1999, was purchased in June 2003 from Hollywood hot stuff Jeffrey Kwatinetz (rhymes with twat-splits). This was before Dash was dashed from his role at Roc-A-Fella Records and Rocawear, the companies he started with hip hop juggernaut Jay-Z, who of course all the children know lays up in the bed with big booty-ed Beyonce Knowles.

The children more than likely recognize this Kwatinetz person's name because at one time he was engaged to elfin blond actor gurl Brittany Murphy whose old house up on Verbena Drive in Los Angeles, the one with the leopard print carpeting in the bedroom, was recently re-sold for around $1,000,000.

Ordinarily, Your Mama could care less about this gurl, however, not too long ago we were bed-fast with tooth pain and we got to watching reruns of that cartoon program on the Fox called King of the Hill. Well, don't you know this skinny bitch excellently played the voice of the haphazzard and high-larious Luanne Platter character.

Kwatinetz founded and currently acts as the head of the talent management company The Firm, whose roster of clients includes American Idol Kelly Clarkson and the hunky, "ambiguous" Vin Diesel. Back in 2005 The Firm very publicly (Page Six via Defamer) lost A-list client Jennifer Lopez after Twatsplits rudely did not show up to TWO scheduled meetings with JLo. And hunnies, you know she was PISSED something ugly about that and is probably at the Scientology Celebrity Centre right now trying to get clear on that.

Anyhoo, according to an admittedly somewhat dated, but very thorough profile in New York Magazine, our Mister Dash has mastered the art of living large.

His ride: a $400,000 chauffeur driven Maybach.
His people: Butler, Driver, Cook, Personal Assistant, Executive Assistant, and a Photographer (for posterity of course)
His kicks: a collection of 1,300 sneakers
His chatters: two cells, one blackberry, all with back up batteries
His cribs: A recently renovated loft in Tribeca and of course this place up in the Bev Hills

Since being unceremoniously ousted and handsomely paid off to the tune of $20,000,000 by Def Jam Records (parent company of Roc-A-Fella), New York Magazine reports that Dash has been somewhat at a loss for what to do on a day to day basis. Your Mama finds this a little difficult to believe. Dash, who claims to be more concerned with making huge amounts of money in general than turning out hip hop hits specifically, owns a variety of companies including Swiss watch maker Tissot, Armadale Vodka, and the Pro-Keds sneaker brand. Lawhd children, how could he not be having anything to occupy his time?

In the New York Magazine profile we are endlessly referencing it was reported Dash was hunting for a place in Miami, but became annoyed when he suspected the real estate agents involved spoke to the press about the properties in which he was interested. So we want it noted for the record that listing agent Brett Lawyer at Sotheby's did not bring us this tip. Your Mama is going to have to keep our source(s) on this one in the vault.

As we imagine the children are, Your Mama was somewhat surprised at the relative modesty of this residence. When we heard Dash was selling his house in Bev Hills, we figured he lived in some palatial Persian palace-like place. But no. While Dash cuts a flashy figure while out and about sipping champagne in the backseat of his Maybach, it would seem he prefers to come home to something more cozy. We are appreciating the inviting and luxurious looking lounges on the terrace, but Damon hunny, that living room set-up makes Your Mama's skin crawl. We can only hope that room has been (poorly) staged for the photos and you were not in fact living up in that abomination.

Your Mama is fully digging the location and architectural styling of this house. We become jelly kneed over long, gated drives, loggias, covered terraces, and outdoor fireplaces. There are a few issues however that concern us and think potential buyers might also be bothered by.

1. The drive court: This area is simply not large enough to comfortably park the Bentley, the Hummer, the Denali, the Mercedes 500SL and the Daiwoo the maid drives to work. Your Mama won't even get near a Hummer let alone own such an atrocity, but all these buttheads up in Beverly Hills think nothing of hogging the lanes on Sunset Blvd. and taking up multiple parking spots in the garage at The Grove with their monsters of motoring. So for a house to fetch a good price there has got to be room to park and maneuver a beast like this at home.
2. The outdoor space: We know Dash has three children (by three different baby mommas), but this property is not child friendly. That sliver of green space between the house and the retaining wall just isn't enough room for resident shorties to get their recreation on.
3. The neighbors: It appears the houses across the canyon are actually quite close. Your Mama is concerned the neighbors might be inclined to peep through the windows, or even worse, wave and holler across the canyon inviting us to some god-forsaken backyard barbecue.

In New York, Dash holes up on two floors at the Atalanta. While it may be the tallest loft conversion in Tribeca, Dash's duplex sits on lower floors. It does however sprawl across 5, 142 square feet and, again according to the New York Magazine, the apartment underwent a recent renovation and includes a suite of three rooms Dash uses as a closet and dressing area.

Because Dash has multiple Hollywood type projects in the works Your Mama is quite sure Dash will maintain a residence in Los Angeles after selling this house. If we hear of where Dash ends up, we'll let you know. And of course, if any of the children hear of where Dash ends up, be sure to let Your Mama know.

Sources: New York Magazine, Defamer, The Guardian, Wikipedia