UPDATE: Michael Jackson

Hold on to your boots babies, because May 14 marks the day that the lights will finally go out on Neverland Ranch. Your Mama means the figurative lights, of course, because the Pacific Gas & Electric probably turned off most of the real lights at Neverland Ranch long ago.

Anyhoo, over the last few days the always spectacularly informed Mister Roger Friedman, who writes the fantabulous Fox 411 column, dished all kinds of dirt on the doings and the oh no they didn'ts concerning the foreclosure and re-fi fracas surrounding Neverland Ranch. If any of you kids have an unhealthy interest in The White Lady's real estate saga the way Your Mama (and apparently Mister Friedman) does, we strongly suggest you boogie your nosy booty over to Fox 411 to get the 411 on the situation (links above). In the event you don't have that kinda time or inclination, let Your Mama attempt to summarize the scandalous tidbits:

According to Mister Friedman, who is adamant on the matter, Mister Jackson's people were most definitely not able to come to terms with Fortress Investments Group, the angry as a hornet lender who holds the in default $24,500,000 loan secured against Neverland Ranch. Mister Jackson's people were, however, able to push back the foreclosure auction date to May 14 when this whole shenanigans will (hopefully) be resolved on the steps of the Santa Barbara County court house.

Also according to Mister Friedman, the last few weeks of financial finagling have not only been unsuccessful but utter chaos. A clutch of people, who claimed to represent Mister Jackson, sought a private investor to refinance the loan from Fortress. Much to Your Mama's surprise, these folks did somehow manage to find an L.A. based investor named Jason Castero who, all due respect, was foolish enough to put $46,000,000 into an escrow account. Castero's cash was meant to buy the loan from Fortress as well as to perhaps put a few pennies in Mister Jackson's threadbare pockets.

When the group who claimed to represent Mister Jackson informed Mister Castero that they would be skimming $4,600,000 off the top of the escrow account as compensation for their troubles and effort, the talks broke down. Why? Well, according to Mister Friedman, the deal fell apart because it seems Mister Jackson new nothing about the deal and indeed, the group was not representing Mister Jackson with his consent. Uh oh.

As wild as that shit is, the real kicker is–are you ready for this kids?–one of the people allegedly involved in this bit of attempted fraud is rumored and reported by Mister Friedman to be none other than that krazy talking Raymone Bain ladee, who is actually no longer employed as one of The White Lady's people. Naturally, Miz Bain, through her people, refutes the accusations and innuendo. Who knew Miz Bain even had people?

Here's something that Mister Friedman did not report but was reported here and there last week...Do the children recall that Your Mama's cuzzin' Lois used to drive that krazy train at the Neverland Ranch? Well, hand to Jeezis she did, and the other day Your Mama got a message from our precious cuzzin' Lois who told us that the improbably (but actually) named Billie Jean Jackson was recently arrested for trying to jump the fence at Neverland Ranch.

The not quite right in the head ladee has been going around for years claiming to be The White Lady's wife and as the real Billie Jean Jackson, the little lamb thinks she owns the damn place too. Poor Billie Jean Jackson. The 60 year old ladee has become a bit of a local legend around those parts due to her numerous arrests for trying to escape INTO Neverland Ranch. Not to mock her tenuous hold on reality, but what will Billie Jean Jackson do when the Neverland Ranch finally gets sold out from under her? Your Mama does not imagine that the new owners, whoever they may be, will tolerate the mentally blitzkrieged Billie Jean Jackson roaming around the ranch any better than Mister Jackson's bare bones security detail does.

Like Mister Friedman, Your Mama wonders how much of this crap Mister Jackson knows or cares about. He seems to be living in a vacuum over there in Las Vegas where he and his three children are reported to be shacking up in a suite at the neon encrusted gambling palace that is the Palms Hotel. Jeezis H. Christ, what a place to be raising up them kids.