UPDATE: Michael Jackson

Thanks to our tipster Billy Blabbermouth who thoughtfully linked us over to Yahoo News, Your Mama has learned that Michael Jackson's people are out working the phones and yakking to all the major press outlets, swearing up and down that Neverland Ranch has finally been pulled from the jaws of foreclosure. As the children know, the tattered and tarnished Santa Ynez Valley ranch was scheduled to be auctioned off on the Santa Barbara county courthouse steps next week, on March 19.

Apparently the financially strapped entertainer has reached some sort of "confidential agreement" with Fortress Investments Group, the hedge fund who holds the $24,00,000+ loan that Jackson secured with Neverland Ranch as collateral. The secret agreement reportedly allows the former King of Pop to retain ownership of the all but abandoned 2,600 ranch that was once his beloved home. As far as Your Mama knows, The White Lady hasn't been to Neverland Ranch since he fled to Bahrain in 2005 in the after math of his tawdry child molestation trial.

A unnamed source close to Jackson said it's unclear whether Jackson will keep the ranch or not. However, if indeed it is true that some kind of agreement has been made with Fortress–and Your Mama is not convinced that it is, since Jackson's people have been known to talk out of their poo poo holes in the past–Your Mama can not imagine that any agreement Fortress might make with The Gloved One would not require that he liquidate the ranch in a short and specified period of time for a dollar amount that will pay back the loan to Fortress in full...and with any additional penalties they may be imposing. Fortress has shown the the financial patience of Job with this never ending saga of Neverland Ranch, but surely they have a limit to their leniency and generosity, right?

Now Michael, you listen to Your Mama here. Enough already. Ee-nuff! Put down the damn Jeezis Juice, get your head screwed on straight for twenty minutes and tell that krazy talking Raymone Bain to get on the horn with a hoity toity real estate agent and put that scene of the alleged crime up for sale and be done with it. Your Mama is tired and tuckered out with this crap. Crap! Talk show queen and property princess Ellen Degeneres has sold a few ranches up in that neck of the woods recently, so we're sure she'd be more than happy to refer you to her real estate agent. Seriously! Call. Her.

As for all the reports in the British tabs about The White Lady packing up and moving his kids over to Devon in the UK? Uh, we don't think so. The man can't afford his own damn house in the U-nited States, where's he going to get the Poundage to buy something across the pond? Please.

Photos: Michael Jackson For Sale