Mel B Is Moving On

SELLER: Melanie Brown
LOCATION: Mount Olympus Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,999,999
SIZE: 3,476 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Magnificent contemp masterpiece surrounded by a tropical oasis. Purchased in 2007, this ultra chic showplace has undergone close to a $1m make over. Lush landscaping & 8 camera security system w/ night vision create complete security & privacy. W/ a saline pool, spa, 3 waterfalls, state of the art entertainment system, outdoor living room w/ flat screen & Viking outdoor kitchen, this is resort living at its finest. Sweeping city & ocean views, art walls, gourmet kitchen & open flr plan.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Earlier today, Your Mama discussed the moronic rumors about Dave and Vicki Beckham selling their Beverly Hills house to that wild eyed Tom Crooz character and his mousy wifey Katie and we're going to continue with the Spice Girls theme this afternoon and discuss the Los Angeles house that Melanie Brown, otherwise known as Scary Spice, otherwise known as Mel B, just listed with an asking price of $2,999,999.

Miz B first climbed high on the elusive ladder of fame as a member of the Spice Girls girl group but in 2006/07 she elevated her celebrity quotient into the stratosphere by mixing it up tranny luvin' Eddie Murphy and becoming one of his many baby mamas. Miz B and her crack team of publicists and managers managed to successfully parlay her Eddie Murphy baby mama drama into a much coveted spot the sparkling stage of that hugely popular but upsetting to Your Mama's sensibilities Dancing With The Stars program. Miz B's next professional engagement is, apparently, in Sin City where the singing and dancing diva is scheduled to perform–in her underwear–in a risque and "woman empowering" review called Peep Show.

Property records and previous reports reveal that Miz B bought her contemporary crib on Mount Olympus Drive in August of 2007 for an even-steven $3,000,000. Given that the property is now priced exactly one dollar less than she paid, she's obviously going to take a substantial financial hit, particularly when you factor in the near one million clams listing information claims Miz B put into the place in renovations and re-dos.

Although rich and famous folks are notoriously fickle in their real estate comings and goings, Your Mama can't help but wonder why Miz B would choose to move now, in this rather unstable real estate market in which she's going to lose a big bundle of buckage. Babbling Babette, one of our more adorable tattle tales, whispered in our big ear that Miz B and her man-mate Stephen Belafonte are eager to sell so they can move to a house with more room for their combined quartet of children produced from three previous relationships. Your Mama thinks it's really very sweet of them to think of their children's best interests this way, but didn't they have four children when they bought this damn place in 2007? Seems like somebody was not using their noggin when they should have been.

Anyhoo, listing information shows the two story residence measures 3,476 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. Additional rooms include an open plan living, dining and kitchen area with white walls, chocolate stained wood floors and cabinetry, walls of windows that slide open and a full suite of high-grade if somewhat chintzy-sized stainless steel appliances.

Among other bits and pieces, the near million dollar make-over included swapping the existing staircase out for a curving and nearly transparent glass and steel contraption that would befuddle and scare the bejeezis out of our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly who are, bless their tiny hearts, having issues with their eyesight. Miz B and Mister Belafonte also expanded the second floor deck the full length of the front facing three car garage where they've placed an outdoor pool table. Christ almighty children, who knew you could buy a pool table able to withstand the elements? Not Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter, that's for sure.

It also appears to Your Mama that Miz B replaced the old master bathroom with an all glass and grey veined marble affair that has more in common stylistically with a high-toned mausoleum than it does with a master bathroom. Don't misunderstand Your Mama, we love us some tombstone grade marble as much as the next person, but too much of a good thing is, well, too much of a good thing. We might have recommended the nice gay marble loving decorator have left the wall behind the floating sink cabinet marble free. But that's just us. Some of you children may think bathing and doing the dirty bizness in a damn crypt is cool.

The backyard is really a large courtyard at the side of the house and includes an amoeba shaped saline swimming pool and spa surrounded by some nifty flag stone terracing, an outdoor kitchen full of Viking brand appliances, three waterfalls (when 1 would probably be enough), and and outdoor living room complete with, natch, a flat screen boob toob and a whole bunch of white furniture.

The last feature of the house that will appeal to all the paranoid children is the state of the art security system which features eight video cameras equipped with night vision.

Your Mama wishes Miz B all the best in her new show and her next home because although we find her career path to be a little icky, we find we always like her immensely when we see her interviewed on the tee vee, something we can't say about very many famous people.