Monday's Mish-Mash

It's been quite some time since Your Mama has done the mish-mash and there are a number of juicy tidbits piling up on our desk we need to clear off our calendar so strap on your safety belts and let's go.

1.
For good or ill, both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have an unhealthy obsession with all the Real Housewives from all the cities (call me Andy Cohen) and so we about jumped out of our skin when we got a ringy-dingy from a gal we call Kitty Glitter who told Your Mama that robustly Botoxed and behemoth busted Real Housewife of Orange County Tamra Barney and her tequila trafficking huzband Simon recently (re-)listed their faux-Tuscan tract house in Ladera Ranch, CA with an asking price of $1,149,000.

All the children who have not completely mucked up their minds with booze and other illegal substances may recall that in November of 2008, the blond, tan and toothy reality tee-vee stars listed their 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper property in the gated Covenant Hills community with an asking price of $1,599,00 saying they wanted to take advantage of the market by selling their current house and buying a bigger and better foreclosed property at a low price. But alas...

One of the things that's interesting to Your Mama about the Barney's real estate situation is that the property is listed with someone other than Tamra, who claims to be a real estate agent, nor is it listed with Jeanna Keough, another Housewife of Orange County who is a real estate agent and who is also trying to unload her multi-million dollar Orange County crib currently listed at $4,900,000. We'd be pissed iffin we were Jeana, which of course we are not.

What's even perhaps more interesting (and salacious) is that, according to property records, Mister and Missus Barney paid $1,320,500 for the upgraded but still pathetically generic property in August of 2005. It does not take flicking the beads on our bejeweled abacus to understand that this "MUST SEE" property is likely to be a short sale and, in fact, it is flagged on Redfin as a short sale. Oh dear.

Listen chickens, it never makes Your Mama squeal with delight to see someone lose money on their homes or, even worse, lose their homes but we confess their is a kind of delicious real estate schadenfreude when the homeowners in question have made such an arrogant display of their allegedly deep pockets on national television such as the Barneys have. Maybe Tamra can hawk that flashy pink diamond encrusted Rolex she got from Simon on her (alleged) 40th birthday to help with the finances.

2.
There's a rumor making its way around the posh and pricey streets of Greenwich, CT that Grammy winning singer and wannabe actor Justin Timberlake and his ladee-friend, actress Jessica Biel, recently bought a big house in the Backcountry area of the leafy and extravagantly expensive town. Details are slim but it's been reported elsewhere that it could be a 25.5 acre spread that recently sold for $18,700,000 in the gated and swank Conyers Farm development.

If this is true, and Your Mama don't know nuthin' from a piece of toast about this, does this mean Mister Timberlake and Miss Biel are fixin' to start a family? Why else would these two twenty something year old youngsters want be up in sleepy and staid Greenwich, CT with Regis Philbin and all those hedge fund hogs who have a net worth well in excess of the GDP of most African countries?

Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

3.
Poor Annie Leibovitz. Although the super successful celebrity photographer is reported to earn in the neighborhood of two million clams a year snapping photos of rich and famous folks for Vanity Fair and other Condé Nast publications–not to mention the big bucks she earns from other picture and portrait projects–she's found herself in a deep and wide financial pickle that may soon find her and her three children tossed out of her sprawling townhouse home and studio on West 11th Street in New York City and their 200+ acre country compound off scenic River Road in Rhinebeck, NY.

It seems that at some point not so long ago Miz Leibovitz needed to scare up a toe curling $24,000,000 to cover a myriad of liens, loans, lawsuits, renovation costs and other debts. Like many bankable artists in a pinch, Miz Leibovitz went to Art Capital Group, a private banking operation that provides loans to artists who often back the loans with their own art collection and future work(s). In Miz Leibovitz's case, the leviathan loan was collateralized by her significant but heavily mortgaged real estate holdings as well as the negatives and intellectual property rights to every photo she has ever taken. That's right puppies, every photo she has ever taken.

This is the same company, incidentally, who lent eight million clams to artist Julian Schnabel when he was building Palazzo Chupi, his first and not very successful foray as real estate developer, and also the same company who swooped in and reportedly took possession of a Rubens (and jeezis only knows what else) after cash strapped socialite Veronica Hearst defaulted on the loan she took from them in a valiant but failed effort to save her 52-room white elephant in Palm Beach.

Anyhoo, Miz Leibovitz's situation is far too complicated for Your Mama to go into right now, but it's a fascinating story and suffice to say that according to peeps at Art Capital Partners do not think Miz Leibovitz will be able to repay the loan–which is due in September–without selling her real estate holdings and artworks and therefore wants access to her properties in order to assess their value and ready them for sale. Miz Leibovitz is, not surprisingly, resisting and claiming not to have understood the original agreement. With twenty four million smackers on the line, Art Capital Partners is, not surprisingly, suing. It's gonna get ugly folks,

4.
Annie Leibovitz is not the only rich or famous person in the throws of a financial fracas that threatens their real estate portfolio. Actor and prodigious property collector Nic Cage has the IRS after his booty for more than $6,000,000 in unpaid income taxes from 2007. As a result, the IRS has placed a lien on at least 1 of his many properties.

Although, according to a recent report in the New Orleans Business News, one of Mister Cage's two big houses in the Big Easy has an IRS lien placed against it, the IRS can (and will) apply this lien to any of Mister Cage's other properties in the event they are sold. Technically Mister Cage needs to satisfy the lien before selling or refinancing but payment of the lien can also be paied out of the proceeds of the sale of any of his many homes.(One of our tipsters named Jimmy Jetsetter swears Mister Cage owns more than 25 properties although Your Mama can only account for 10.)

Mister Cage's New Orleans real estate holdings consist of the infamous, and rumored to be haunted, LaLaurie house on Royal Street currently listed at $3,550,000 and a massive mansion measuring 13,176 square feet on pretty Prytania Street in the Garden District currently listed at $3,450,000. Mister Cage has a number of his other properties on the market including an rather large estate in Rhode Island ($15,900,000), a house in real estate ravaged Las Vegas ($9,490,000), a couple of combined condos in New York City ($9,750,000) as well as his primary residence on Copa de Oro Road in ritzy Bel Air, CA currently listed at $17,500,000 after first being offered at a butt clenching $35,000,000.

5.
About 10 days ago, Your Mama discussed the sale of the Holmby Hills estate that Hugh and Kimberley Hefner sold for $18,000,000 after having listed it at $27,995,000. The 2.3 acre property which sits smack up against the Playboy Mansion in hoity-toity Holmby Hills was purchased by a 25 year old muscle car collecting whippersnapper named Daren Metropoulos. That's right chickens, the new owner of the 7 bedroom, 7,318 square foot manse is just twenty five years old. Sorta makes ya queasy, don't it?

The young entrepreneur is known in some circles as one of the Bumble Bee tuna boys due to the fact that his father, big bizness investor and former Executive Chairman of Pinnacle Foods Group C. Dean Metropoulos, somewhat famously purchased Bumble Bee and installed a then 14-year old Daren and his then 17-year old brother Evan as presidents.

6.
Your Mama hears from Linda Letsitallhangout that controversial comedian Sacha Baron Cohen and his wifey Isla Fisher are out hunting for new digs in Los Angeles in which to house their expanding family. Say what you will about Mister Baron Cohen and his high-lariously juvenile yet smart, sassy satirical movies, but he's making money hand over fist so he must be doing something right.

7.
Newly svelte (again) and notorious hot mess rocker chick Courtney Love says she's moving to New York City. Y'all are warned.

And with that nugget of celebrity real estate news, we are through.