Listen Chickens...

...Your Mama is about to put our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly into our big BMW and head on up to Big Daddy's ranch out in the boonies. We regret to inform that there is not, quite simply, any interweb service that we know of for miles around Big Daddy's spread. Therefore, much to our chagrin and perhaps your disappointment, we may be out of touch for a day or two unless we can find some coffee shop–or a kuh-fay as our Grandmammy Rayna used to call them–within a 20 mile radius that has entered the modern age and offers its patrons wireless internet access.