Going, Going, Gone...Sort of

Last week Your Mama, once again and for the 407th time, discussed the real estate melodrama swirling around financially embattled actor Nic Cage. At that time we reported Mister Cage's primary residence–a storied Gerard Colcord designed mansion in Bel Air previously owned by booze sippin' singer Dean Martin and later by Sex Bomb singer Tom Jones–was scheduled to be auctioned at the courthouse in Pomona, CA. There were, according to the L.A. Times, 6 loans secured by the Bel Air estate totaling $18,000,000 and records show a minimum bid for the auction was set at $11,004,089.

Late last night word began slipping down the real estate gossip grapevine that not only did no one with big bucks or a sense of real estate altruism show up willing to cough up eleven and some million clams for the big house in Bel Air, but also that a couple of contiguous parcels* owned by Mister Cage and located high in the hills of Malee-boo were also up on the auction block.

We knew, of course, that Mister Cage owned a large swathe of mostly undeveloped land in the mountains of Malibu, but Your Mama was totally ignorant about them being in foreclosure. A quick poke around the public records this morning reveals that Mister Cage's Malee-boo acreage was indeed in foreclosure and scheduled to be auctioned with the minimum bid set at $12,722,408. But alas, no one with any big bucks or a sense of real estate altruism showed up to buy the land in Malee-boo either.

It's pretty safe to assume that the new owner–that would be the bank–will re-list the properties and try to sell them tout de suite in order to recoup their failed investment and maybe–if they're lucky and only if they're very lucky–some of the other many folks who lent Mister Cage money with his Bel Air and Malee-boo properties as collateral may get a few of their pennies back. Presumably the bank already has a style guru over at the Bel Air mansion organizing an industrial strength clear out of all Mister Cage's crazy knick knacks and paddy whacks that altogether added up to a decorative style that was cattily but accurately called, "frat house bordello" by real estate agent and author Bret Parsons in an interview with the gal at the L.A. Times.

The bad news in all this nonsense is that, of course, Mister Cage and his family now need a new home in which to live. Unfortunately he can't move in with mommy because Your Mama heard from a sharp tongued real estate diva in Beverly Hills that he sold his mother's house in Beachwood Canyon and moved her into the Bel Air manse. Uh oh. The good side of all this property shenanigans and auction madness–and why not try to see a good side in all this real estate ugliness children?–is that Mister Cage is finally relieved of his financial responsibilities for these properties that were clearly draining his beleaguered bank accounts.

*The property records are, unfortunately, unclear and have Your Mama all twisted up, confounded and confused. Depending on where you look we find that Mister Cage's Malibu holdings consisted of either 2 parcels totaling 160 acres or possibly three parcels totaling 320 acres. It don't really matter which is correct anymore because poor Mister Cage has been relieved of his financial obligations to the properties, however many and whatever size they may be.