Michael Jordon Lists Multi-Wing Mega-Mansion

SELLER: Michael Jordon
LOCATION: Highland Park, IL
PRICE: $29,000,000
SIZE: 32,683 square feet, 9 bedrooms, 15 full and 4 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Simmer down tater tots. We know we're a bit late to this particular rodeo. That's because, for better and/or worse, Your Mama spent this morning frying up a very different celebrity real estate fish.

While Your Mama got busy shucking, jiving and making petty jabs about Little Kimmy Kardashian and her recent (and alleged) real estate activities, the celebrity real estate pooper scoopers over at The Wall Street Journal revealed that long-ago-retired but still much-beloved professional basketballer and sports world entrepreneur Michal Jordon pushed his multi-wing mega-mansion in the upscale Chicago suburb of Highland Park (IL) on the market with a super-sized and publicity-ensuring $29,000,000 asking price.

Even Your Mama, who does not know a tight end from a power forward in the athletic sense, knows well that Mister Michael Jordan is one of America's most adored, accomplished, and highly paid professional athletes and product endorsers with a half billion dollar-plus fortune and fat property portfolio to prove it.

Mister Jordan was expensively divorced from his first wife Juanita in 2007; It reportedly cost him close to $170,000,000 or, seen another way, ten million clams for every 17 years they were married. At about the time of their legal severance of marital ties the family's long-time Highland Park estate was transferred in to a trust. Unfortunately, Your Mama has no specific intel about whether Mister Jordan (along with his new fiancée Yvett Prieto) or ex-Missus Jordon occupied and maintained the premises over the last five years. Whatever the case, the suburban estate with its mall-sized mansion is now up for grabs.

The electronically-controlled front gates bear the number 23, which Your Mama thought might be the property's street address until we did a little due diligence and discovered '23' was the number that appeared on Mister Jordan's jersey throughout his illustrious career on the hardwoods. The gates swing open to a tree-lined black top drive that swoops across the thoroughly landscaped 7.29 acre estate and around to a massive, tree-shaded circular drive that has far more in common with the motor court out front of some random resort hotel than it does the driveway of average American home. The snaking drive continues beyond the circular drive, past two separate (but attached), climate-controlled, three car garages, curves around to a pair of small parking lots and winds up at a rear motor court where there appears to be another three-bay, climate-controlled garage.
 
Listing information shows Mister Jordan's mega-mansion measures in at a titanic 32,683 square feet with a total of 9 bedrooms and 15 full and 4 half bathrooms. It doesn't take a bejeweled abacus to figure out that's a total of 19 terlits, an amount that ensures the owner/resident of this beast of a house employ a full-time minimum wager tasked only to locate and lave all 19 bathrooms on a twice weekly basis. The Wall Street Journal pegged the manse at "more than 56,000 square feet of space," an figure we think—but can not confirm—probably includes the colossal compound's "indoor basketball complex" and "three bedroom guesthouse."

The Wall Street Journal also reported the mansion was constructed between 1993 and 1995 and images show it retains its original, well maintained and liberally curvaceous 1980s-minded exterior articulation. The interior was extensively renovated in 2009 with a decidedly sleek and very contemporary aspect that skews vaguely corporate due in part to the large scale of some of the rooms. Interior spaces, according to listing information, marketing materials and/or previous reports, include hotel ballroom-proportioned 1,056 square living room and an almost 800 square foot family room with floor-to-ceiling glass sliders on two opposite walls and a massive triangular sky light that runs like a spine down the center of the 37-foot long room.

A circular dining area's soaring ceiling is topped by an octagonal sky light and the adjacent, sculptural kitchen has a huge center island (with cook top) that appears to float in the center of the room, full-height pantry and storage cabinets, and—one imagines—the most expensive appliances money can buy. We realize this kitchen will not appeal to those who see kitchens as the emotional heart of the home but for all those folks who prefer their cooking centers be more Maserati than mini-van, this one will surely make them pee their pants with culinary equipment desire.

Listing information indicates Mister Jordan's mansion also contains a 500-plus square foot second level library, a 600-plus square foot den on the main level, an office and a study also on the main level, and at least one laundry room the size of what would pass for a good-sized bedroom in a modest suburban ranch house.

The various and vast patios and terraces that extend off the back of the house drop down to high-maintenance manicured grounds that encompass acres of flat lawns with an amoebic putting green, tucked away tennis court, suggestively-shaped deep-water pond, and a children's playground with two elaborate jungle gyms. Both The WSJ and listing information we peeped indicate Mister Jordan's estate includes a swimming pool although we're unable to locate it listing photos and/or aerial images of the property.

The property's pièce de résistance—and also perhaps it's bête noire due to the obvious fact that so few people in the Chicago area who can afford it will actually want to own or maintain it—would most certainly be the fully custom, state-of-the-art indoor basketball complex completed in 2001 and equipped with, as per The WSJ, "a full-size regulation basketball court with specially cushioned hardwood flooring, adjustable backstops and baskets and competition-quality, high-intensity lighting. The complex has a sound system tuned to provide perfect acoustics within the court space."

As best as we know from our research, in addition to the Highland Park beast Mister Jordan heaved on to the market this week His Airness currently maintains a penthouse pad in Charlotte, NC (where he's part owner of some professional basketball team or another that we know nothing about), a major mansion in the a gated, golf community in Jupiter, FL that is either newly completed ought to soon be completed, and a substantial ski house on almost 4 acres in posh Park City, UT.

aerial photo (top): Bing
listing photos: Baird & Warner

Your Mama Hears...

...through the Tinseltown celebrity real estate gossip grapevine that reality television denizen Kim Kardashian has packed up her industrial-sized booty and moved into a leased mansion located just down the road and around the corner from a number of other trouble-making tabloid superstars like Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen and Robbie Williams.

Hardcore celebrity real estate mavens and reality television aficionados may recall Little Kimmy Kardashian followed up the $885,000 sale of her 3 bedroom Los Angeles, CA kondo krib in January 2010 with the February 2010 purchase of a nearly 4,000 square foot faux-Tuscan villa high up above Beverly Hills, CA. The 5 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom mansion, gated, heavily secured and set very close to the street on a cul-de-sac that runs up a narrow ravine just below Mulholland Drive, cost K.K., according to property records, $3,400,000.

In late January of this year, in the turbulent wake of poor K.K.'s quickie marriage and divorce from some hunky Midwestern fella whose name we can no longer recall, an unhinged fan—let's call him Mister Delusional—showed up at front gate of K.K.'s Bev Hills home with luggage in tow. Mister Delusional claimed he'd flown into town all the way from North Carolina to work on the one of K.K.'s reality programs that include the long-running and exceedingly lucrative Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Kourtney and Kim Take New York , a program we've never seen but are absolutely sure is nothing less than scintillating and truly meaningful. Clearly Mister Delusional was, well, delusional and K.K.'s team of quick-thinking security guards snatched the wannabe intruder up and rang the po-po who, natch, escorted from moe-ron from the premises and—we imagine but don't actually know—served the nimrod with a well-deserved restraining order.

It wasn't long after that ugly incident all the gossip glossies and celebrity-based blogs reported K.K. was so freaked out by the whole thing that she wanted to move from her current residence in Bev Hills to a nearby guard-gated community that would provide her with an extra layer of security in addition to her body guard(s).

Well, dontcha know butter beans, according to an often in the know source (and the peeps The Daily Mail who beat us to the punch), that's just what K.K. did. The entertainment industry global superstar and entrepreneur—who does not, as far as Your Mama can tell, sing, dance, act or have any other showbiz-y talent besides near-shameless self promotion—(allegedly) leased a 6,775, square foot mock-Med meets Asian-infused Craftsman-style mansion in the celebrity-filled and guard-gated Mulholland Estates community. Some of the other high profile residents/homeowners in the 'hood include Vanna White, Judith Light, and rock 'n roller Slash who pushed his 11,000 square foot Mediterranean manse on the market as a pocket listing in mid-2011 with a $9.5 million price tag, since cut to $9.1 million.

Although it's absolutely a luxury development where the tree-lined streets are lined with multi-million dollar (mc)mansions, some of the children will surely see Mulholland Estates as a somewhat curious choice for someone concerned about their security since the community has over the years been a bit of a hotbed of crime: Paris Hilton's high-glam house was burgled by the infamous Bling Ring in 2008 and in 2010 some guy showed up on her doorstep with a knife; Besides all the illegal activities that surely took place inside his house Charlie Sheen has had not just one but two Mercedes Benz stolen right out from his damn driveway and run off a cliff in to a nearby ravine.


Anyhoo, listing information for the house in question Your Mama managed to tease up out of the interweb shows the 4 bedroom and 6 bathroom mansion K.K. (allegedly/reportedly may have) leased in the Mulholland Estates community was built in 2003 and last on the open market as a fully-furnished rental with a hefty hefty hefty $40,000 per month price tag. We can't say for sure if K.K. rented this house but our research did turn up evidence the nearly half acre, Balinese resort-inspired spread, owned by a brainy businesswoman/philanthropist/heiress to a billion dollar-plus biomedical fortune, was also available for purchase an asking price of $10,950,000.

Interior spaces (shown above) include an intimately-scaled foyer that bursts dramatically into a double-height entrance hall with celeb-style curved staircase and stunning Lagos Azul limestone flooring that continues into the formal living room. The cocktail-party friendly living room, divided into two section by a pair of columns, has a fireplace, several sets of Craftsman-style glass doors that open to lushly landscaped gardens, and a grand piano just in case K.K. wants to tinkle the ivories.

Another pair of columns stand between the entrance hall and formal dining room where there's more blue limestone underfoot, another fireplace and over-sized windows with backyard and swimming pool view. The limestone carries on in the chef-friendly, eat-in kitchen complete with sizable center island, snack counter, a full complement of high-grade stainless steel appliances, and custom Shaker-style mahogany cabinetry topped by bull-nosed granite counter tops.

The floor material switches to wide-plank wood in an adjacent family room spacious enough to accommodate a pool table and a seating area oriented towards a paneled wall with fireplace surrounded by five—that's right 5—flat screen televisions, one big one in the middle with two smaller ones stacked on either side. Wide, Craftsman-style glass doors on two walls open the room (with its mostly beige, black and burnt orange day-core) to foliage ringed patios and terraces.

If the lavish-living K.K. really did rent this residence she no doubt fell head over Jimmy Choos for the sprawling master suite privately situated at the back of the house where it takes advantage of canyon and city views through huge windows and glass doors. A chunky and very contemporary three-sided concrete-faced fireplace separates a private sitting room (with Juliet balcony) from the bedroom area where there's a small, built-in shelving and entertainment center tucked into the corner next to the fireplace with wall-mounted flat screen tee-vee for watching Jimmy Kimmel, Chelsea Handler, Saturday Night Live and/or more lusty and lurid fare.

The over-sized attached master bathroom has stone flooring (that we can only hope has radiant heat), two sinks and vanities, a concrete-lined and glass-enclosed steam shower with long concrete bench, and an oval-shaped stone soaking tub set into an elevated deck in front of a full wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. A pair of custom-fitted, boutique style walk in closet/dressing rooms surely appealed to a clotheshorse like K.K. who does not, it seems to Your Mama from what we see in all the tabs and gossip glossies, leave the house for any reason whatsoever without the laborious and expensive efforts of a wardrobe stylist, hair doer and make-up gal. All the image effort seems positively reedonkulous to Your Mama who can't be bothered to put on a proper pair of shoes most days, but we get it. When yer a reality tee-vee lightening rod of controversy like K.K. is you always always always gotta look on point for the public who will gleefully shred a publicity seeking beehawtch for showing up at at the CVS in Calabasas or proto-suburban Sherman Oaks looking the least bit janky.

The lower level of the house opens out to a variety of patios and entertainment areas that include a curtained and vine-draped pergola lounge area that flows out to a second lounge area under the stars. At the other end of house a dining area nestled into a crook of the house has built-in bench seating, and a Palapa-shaded outdoor kitchen/barbecue center has bar seating. A sensuously curved sunbathing terrace snacks along the rim of a black-bottomed swimming pool and wood bridge spans a narrow arm of the pool to an elevated terrace with sunken spa set into a ring of palm trees from where night time hot tubbers can see down the house-dotted canyon and across the sparkly carpet of lights of the pancake-flat San Fernando Valley.

As it turns out, way back in early February after it was reported K.K. might want to move house, the leggy lady at Trulia suggested K.K. might want to consider this very house.

For the record, Your Mama has no direct knowledge of K.K. looking at or moving in to this house and, it should be noted, she recently tweeted the following:

So funny I was reading some magazine that showed pics of my new home...home is nice, but never seen it before! LOL who makes this stuff up?

Make of that what you will.

aerial photo (at top): Pacific Coast News
listing photos: Coldwell Banker / Beverly Hills South

From the Archives: Emma Roberts

BUYER: Emma Roberts
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,250,000
SIZE: 2,142 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday Your Mama discussed a Los Angeles, CA post-modern perched on a ridge above Laurel Canyon and recently purchased by rock star and reality tee-vee judge Steven Tyler. Today we fish into our previously un-discussed celebrity real estate archive and come up with a modestly sized contemporary a few, short but twisted blocks away from Mister Tyler's new nest scooped up way back in December 2010 by up-and-coming young actress and Showbiz scion Emma Roberts.

A little nepotism never hurts in Hollywood and Miss Roberts, the 21-year old daughter of actor Eric Roberts and niece of Tinseltown royal Julia Roberts, got her big break as a teenager in 2004 when she landed the starring role as a high school art nerd in the very popular (and long ago canceled) teen-oriented sitcom Unfabulous, a program Your Mama had never before heard of until today. The well-connected lass went on to do a bunch of coming of age movies Your Mama ain't never heard of (Wild Child, Lymelife) and most recently she's dabbled in a growing list of rom-coms and dram-coms like the syrupy Valentine's Day and other silver screen gems we've never heard of like The Art of Getting By and Celeste and Jesse Forever.

for better or worse, Your Mama, more likely to read a gossip glossy than pay good money to see a romantic comedy our too-cynical and too-fat ass will most assuredly not appreciate, is far more familiar with Miss Roberts' date mates than we are her professional achievements. While still in her teens she was romantically squired by English actor/model Alex Pettyfer who hastily tattooed Miss Roberts' name on his wrist and just weeks ago rather ludicrously stripped down on Ellen Degeneres' daytime talk show while a bunch of lusty women and a few gays hooted, hollered and shrieked like there was no tomorrow. Miss Roberts, apropos of nothing real estate related, was widely reported to have recently split up with pouty-mouthed blond Chord Overstreet from Glee who Miss Roberts had long treated, so the salacious story goes, like her boy-bitch.

Sometime in 2010 and for reasons unknown to Your Mama, young Miss Roberts, then not even old enough to drink legally in a barroom, decided it was high time to decamp her rented West Hollywood condo and buy a single family house. Presumably she looked at any number of properties but according to multiple reliable sources eventually settled on a modestly-sized (if not exactly inexpensive) residence tucked discreetly into a fairly non-descript cul-de-sac high in the hills above Laurel Canyon.

Property records reveal pretty Miss Roberts, almost as generously lipped and wide mouthed as her Auntie Julia, paid either $1,246,000 or $1,250,000 for the gut-renovated residence. Listing information shows the low-profile but highly stylized house was originally built in 1949 and completely re-designed from 2008-10 by low-key L.A. based interior designer A.J. Bernard who may be modern-minded in his approach to living situations but kicks it Old School and does not appear, as far as Your Mama can tell, to maintain a professional presence on the interweb. The designer does, we were assured by someone we know who would know, have a email address for anyone who might like to engage his decorative and design talents and services.

Anyhoodles poodles, the sharply articulated but warmly finished single-story residence measures in at 2,142 square feet and includes 2 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms in the main house with another bathroom in the attached, two-room guest house that extends off the back of the house.

Listing photos suggest the previous owner used the smaller of the two rooms in the guest house (bottom two photos at top) as a fitness room/yoga studio and the larger room, with a pair of wood-framed French doors and canyon view, as a music studio. The variegated, medium-dark wood floors in the guest house—reclaimed from an unnamed French chateau according to listing information—are even more decoratively delectable than the undeniably magnificent (and straight-up expensive) 12-inch wide plank French oak floors that run throughout the main house.

A solid wood door with stainless steel—or maybe nickel—hardware and accents opens into a fairly narrow corridor that connects primary living/dining/entertaining areas that include a living/family room with marble-topped wet bar, puzzle table with a pair of Nakashima (or Nakashima-like) chairs, and a complete wall of custom-built, floor-to-ceiling oak cabinets that house and hide (among other things) state-of-the art audio and visual equipment. Hinged pocket doors open to reveal a flat screen tee-vee and smartly slide back and disappear into the cabinetry. Wood-framed glass doors stretch along one entire wall fold back accordion-style to a slim terrace that steps off to a flat expanse of lawn perfect for piddling pooches and child-sized Slip 'n Slide but missing, as far Your Mama is concerned, a spa and/or a plunge-sized swimming pool.


The dining area of the eat-in kitchen, anchored and defined by a massive concrete fireplace with raised hearth and inset display niche instead of a mantel, has a built-in buffet and a single, very minimal (and completely appropriate) floating shelf for the uncluttered display of knickknacks, gewgaws, bagatelles and/or other hoozymagoozies and what-have-yous.

A center island with two-seat snack counter and unusual, in-line range top separate the dining area from the sleek but hardly sterile kitchen where custom oak cabinets hold a plethora of integrated Euro-style stainless steel appliances. The counter tops, according to listing information are book matched Calacatta gold and make Your Mama's skin go goose pimply with real estate envy. The children will note how Mister A.J. Bernard thoughfully thought of that household's animal occupants and designed the island's marble counter top to water fall dramatically over the edge and connect to a swank marble pad set into the floor for the dog or cats food and water bowl.

Each of the two bedrooms in the main house has access to a private and well-equipped and -conceived if not particularly huge bathing, ablution and evacuation facility. The guest bedroom—with but a sad, sliver of windows set above eye level—makes use of a standard-sized bathroom with Old-Timey honeybee tiles on the floor that, to be totally honest, feel a bit tense against the graphic linearity of the much more contemporary feeling (and lovely) custom-built oak vanity.

Like the living room the master bedroom, large enough for a separate sitting area with built-in floating bookshelves and various other niches, spills out to the backyard through a complete wall of folding floor-to-ceiling wood framed glass doors. The attached sky lit master bathroom has a marvelous Calacatta gold marble vanity and a curtain wall of frameless glass that separates the bathroom area from the over-sized steam shower with built-in marble bench.

The backyard may be far from huge but it is notably large and flat for a house in the Hollywood Hills and probably large and flat enough for Miss Roberts to install on small in-ground swimming pool were she so inclined.

Prior moving on up to the tippy-tops of Laurel Canyon Miss Roberts shacked up for a short time in the legendary Granville Towers building in West Hollywood, a 7-story, French Normandy confection once home to scads of other medium- and high- profile entertainment industry peeps like Nicole Scherzinger, Portia di Rossi, David Bowie, Rock Hudson, Mickey Rourke and Marilyn Monroe.

Not content, perhaps, with just a west coast abode, Miss Roberts was also spotted as recently as last September poking and peeking around for a pied a terre in New York City's tourist- and shopper-packed SoHo neighborhood. It's not clear to Your Mama if Miss Roberts was looking to lease or purchase a pad in the The Big Apple and, since we don't know a donkey from hand puppet, Your Mama has absolutely no idea if the second tier starlet leased or purchased a place in New York City.

aerial photo (top left): Pacific Coast News
listing photos: Coldwell Banker / Beverly Hills North

Double Whammy: Steven Tyler (2)

BUYER: Steven Tyler
LOCATION: Kihei, HI
PRICE: $4,800,000
SIZE: 3,000 square feet (approx.), 2 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As far as Your Mama knows we were the first to "report" the details of a property purchase in Los Angeles, CA by Aerosmith front man and American Idol judge Steven Tyler but we are far from the first property gossip to get around to going on about the $4.8 million ocean front hideaway on the Hawaiian island of Maui the sixty-something and still rocking rocker and long time lady-pal and soon-to-be-third wife Erin Brady scooped up in December 2011.

We're not sure which snitch is responsible for letting Mister Tyler's Hawaiian real estate cat out of the bag but it it appears it may have been the well-connected gals who pen the Private Properties column for The Wall Street Journal.

The WSJ and listing information provided to Your Mama by a kind soul shows the gated, pentagonal-shaped dwelling sits all by itself on a promontory of just over a quarter acre of ocean front property. The house measures about 3,000 square feet and contains a pair of bedrooms multimillion dollar ocean views and 3.5 bathrooms. Listing information also reveals Mister Tyler's and/or his people negotiated a serious as a heart attack 25-plus percent discount on the property purchase as the pristine beach pad was last listed at $6,495,000.

Wood-framed floor-to-ceiling glass panels on both floors slide back and completely open the traditional pole-built residence to the elements. When completely open, the redwood and ipe wood structure functions as a luxuriously appointed covered terrace with flagstone floors and a floor-to-ceiling (and costly to maintain) aquarium on the lower level. Breezy, open air sleeping porches on the second floor have vaulted, exposed wood beamed ceilings, wood floors and postcard perfect ocean views.

The kitchen area has exquisite, custom ipe cabinetry that (one hopes) tolerates the damp and salty seaside air and includes shiny black granite counter tops with long expanses of prep area, a 4-person snack/booze counter, and top-of-the-line, commercial-quality appliances. Marketing materials we saw do not show any of the 3.5 bathrooms but listing information does state there is "marble in the bathrooms" and we expect they are as spiffy and ship-shape as the kitchen.

The upper level bedroom open to a narrow balcony that runs around the residence and the lower level living/dining/kitchen area spills out to a lava rock-lined, black-bottomed infinity edged saline swimming pool and grassy terraces girdle by rugged lava rock walls and connected by steps carved into the lava rocks.

Although the house and grounds appear to be quite and pleasantly private, it also appears from Your Mama's research that there's a very small but very public beach/swimming area located just outside the gates of Mister Tyler's residence.

Mister Tyler and his soon-to-be new Missus were photographed by the paps in late December (2011) taking part in some of house blessing ceremony with leaf-crowned woman believed to be "a local religious official."

listing photos: Century 21 / All Islands

Double Whammy: Steven Tyler (1)

BUYER: Steven Tyler
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,325,000
SIZE: 3,100 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.25 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late last week Your Mama dissed and discussed the just put up for sale Sherman Oaks (CA) mock-Med mini-mansion of former American Idol judge Paula Abdul. This week we're gonna start with a Celebrity Real Estate Double Whammy about a pair of recent real estate transactions by Aerosmith's scarftastic front man and current American Idol judge Steven Tyler.

Mister Tyler has been shaking his money maker in the Bizness of Show more than 40 years and he's the recipient of multiple Grammys, AMAs and MTV Music Awards. He's lived, much to the delight and intrigue of fans, the electric and punishing life of a rock star, not the new fangled sort of rock stardom of juice fasts and Buddha statues but the Old School kind of hardcore drugs and indiscriminate recreational sex. Nowadays, although still every bit the rock star with his somewhat androgynous maquillage and high maintenance hairdo, he comes across as an easy-going, kind, thoughtful and genuine man who walks pretty damn squarely in the sincere but sometimes loopy Loobeetawns of his A.I. predecessor Paula Abdul and who—bringing us back to topic—went on a bit of a real estate buying spree last year purchasing luxury abodes in both Hawaii and Los Angeles, CA.

Fashion writer and celebrity gossip Merle Ginsberg reported in early August 2011 in the Hollywood Reporter that an unidentified woman walked into the swank, star-studded Sunset Tower Hotel on the Sunset Strip and was overheard tattling to the desk clerk she needed to book a room for a month or two because—so the story goes—sixty-sumpin' year old rock star Steven Tyler and his long term gal pal-fiancée Erin Brady had toured her nearby house, which she (allegedly) explained had been on the market for some time, and offered to buy the house on the spot with everything in it and with all cash if she agreed to leave that night. Apparently (and allegedly), the lady agreed to those rather absurd terms.

Listen puppies, we are nobody compared to the well-regarded Miz Ginsberg and we do not question that she reported what she heard accurately, but it seems simply ludicrous to Your Mama that Mister Tyler would make that sort of demand of a person selling their home. We might expect that sort of real estate nonsense from one or another of the more demanding American Idol judges but not of the oddly, surprisingly and pleasantly down to earth-seeming Mister Tyler. Then again, what do we know about anything? Certainly nada-zilch-nil about Mister Tyler's allegedly stiff-armed negotiating tactics.

We also do not, natch, have any idea if that disturbing and sad story of celebrity entitlement is true or not but we do know from The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial that in the last days of July (2011) the wide-mouthed and long-haired Demon of Screamin' did indeed acquire a house high above L.A.'s legendary Laurel Canyon. However—and make of this what y'all will—the property in question was not sold, according to the property records we peeped, by a woman but rather a man who owned the house since at least the late 1990s and over the years borrowed regularly and heavily against its equity. Twice in the mid- and late-Aughts, public records show, lenders initiated foreclosure proceedings. Finally, just in the nick of time, along came Mister Tyler (and soon-to-be-third Missus Tyler) who snatched up the 3-story, ridge-line residence as a short-sale in late July 2011 for $1,325,000.

Listing information shows the post-modern minded main house was built in 1987 and measures about 3,100 square feet with three bedrooms and a total of 2 full, 2 half and 1 quarter bathrooms. The house, with a front facade partially perforated by a rigid grid of pin-prickish windows, sits privately on a flattened promontory above Laurel Canyon with what can quite legitimately be called a thrilling, sweeping and, yes, jetliner view across Los Angeles from east of downtown to, on a clear day, the Pacific Ocean.

Laurel Canyon, music lovers and celebrity real estate watchers well know, is steeped and gilded in music and showbiz history and lore. The rugged ravines, steep hillsides and snaking ridges have a long history of residents that well qualify as music industry icons such as—to name a paltry few—the incomparable Joni Mitchell, deliciously irreverent and experimental Frank Zappa, hard-driving howler Cass Elliot, Beach Boys' Brian Wilson, super-groupie Pamela Des Barres, Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo, and the Rolling Stones who in the 1970s shacked up en masse for a short spell in the same Appian Way house atop Laurel Canyon where Marilyn Manson lived and recorded in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

Mister Tyler's new west coast abode sits, according to property records, three small but separate parcels. The usable portion of the land makes an flag-shape as its stretches back from the street with the main house perches on the hillside at the extreme ass-end of the property, well out of view of looky-loos, garbage men, and dog-walking nosy neighbors on the street.

A 4-car, electronically gated carport is about all that can be seen from the street. At the rear of the car port a short set of steps ascends to a door set into a windowless wall that forms the rear boundary of a detached structure of unknown purpose that is definitely not the main house and may (or may not be) a guest house, pool house, recording studio, home fitness center, potting shed and/or whatever.

Because the main house sits as far from the street as the geography and building restrictions allow, in order to get to the front door a person must not only walk the entire length of long carport and up the stairs to the entry gate but also traverse the property's primary outdoor entertainment area along a narrow brick walkway that parallels the entire length of the swimming pool.

This somewhat unusual set up with the black-bottom swimming pool set in tight proximity to the house, in what is effectively the front yard, probably works just fine once you're on the property. Howevuh hunties, Your Mama can assure the children that our imperious house gurl Svetlana and any number of our boozier and hence less stable friends would surely balk at having to schlep the long distance from the car port to the kitchen with hands full of cocktails and armfuls of groceries and cleaning supplies. No doubt ol' Sveta would insist we supply her with a golf cart or electric scooter to ease her burden. Imagine for a moment, if you will, attempting to make that walk at 3:30 am in a pair of cockamamie pony heels (and downright criminal multi-color hose) after three too many gin & tonics. Mister Tyler may be sober now but we still suggest he consider keeping a speedo-suited lifeguard on duty at all times just in case any of his less sober guests partake a tipple or two of something merry making and possibly illegal.

Anyhoo, details of the house are few, but listing information and marketing materials Your Mama dug up out of the interweb do show the living room has very blonde and lustrous hardwood floors, a fireplace, and a pair vast expanses of asymmetrically-paned windows that frame and cut up the otherwise unobstructed rock star view, at night a magnificent shimmering expanse of winking and twinkling lights. We know there are a lot of people who loathe Los Angeles for any number of (probably legitimate) reasons but, butter balls, even the haters have to acknowledge the night time view from Mister Tyler's living room above Laurel Canyon is—when weather and smog permit—nothing short of spectacular.

Your Mama hears through the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine that Mister Tyler had leased a very contemporary residence near the one he just purchased (as seen in this May 2011 interview with Matt Lauer). In addition to his new house in Tinseltown and his new Hawaiian hideaway, which we'll get to in a minute or two, Mister Tyler's property portfolio also includes (but may not be limited to) a large, lake front house in Sunapee, NH and a high-walled and gated estate tucked into the tail end of a shared private drive in the upscale and scenic seaside town of Marshfield, MA, about 30 miles outside of Boston.

listing photos: Nelson Shelton & Associates

FABULOUS CALIFORNIA VACATION GIVEAWAY!!!

 

Yes, this is a vacation giveaway, but it is also the story of a woman’s aesthetic. I want to first tell her story in pictures and then we’ll get to the giveaway at the end. It’s a long one, so, sit back, grab some coffee and enjoy!!

 

 

Cindy Hattersley’s Rose Arch

 

You know how some people are just talented? They can do it all – they decorate, entertain, garden, cook – and it’s all done with style, ease, and good humor? The house they live in is perfect. And it’s not just the house – it’s where the house located, what kind of house it is, and what the property looks like. You read about women like this on the design blogs and feel inadequate somehow, as if your own house or life or city isn’t as romantic or as styled. The blogs are filled with stories of women like this and we all peek into their lives and go, “aahh – I could be happy THERE.” Not that we’d change lives with them and more importantly, not that their lives are better than ours – but their lives just look PRETTIER than ours. OK, so maybe we would trade cities with them!! Let’s face it, some areas of the world are just more beautiful than others. France, for one. And California. Is there an unattractive area of California? Anywhere?

 

Cindy’s garden

 

Cindy is one of those women. She has great style and a wonderful aesthetic. She’s a mom who’s patiently counting the days until she becomes a grandmother. She’s of that age, you know, MY age, someone whose been around long enough to see her gardens mature. She sent me pictures of her house and her gardens and her lake house and her daughter’s wedding and I just drooled and thought: “Wow, I love her style. She’s living my dream life.” I even loved what she wore to the wedding! Cindy is lucky to live in California – in Monterey County near Carmel and Monterrey and the coast. Her house is officially a Spanish Colonial, but her gardens are pure South of France, filled with roses and wisteria, and purple perennials.

 

Paso Robles Wine Country in central California

Around ten years ago, Cindy’s family decided to buy a vacation house in the nearby Paso Robles wine country on Lake Nacimiento. Not as well known as Sonoma or Napa Valley, Paso Robles is younger than those areas, but it is now producing some of the highest rated wines in the country. Saxum was recently rated the #1 wine in the world by the prestigious Wine Spectator HERE. Not bad!

 

Lake Nacimiento

They fell in love with the Paso Robles wine country and Lake Nacimiento because of its close proximity to their main house. The fabulous wine was another draw. They chose to live in the gated community of Oak Shores, which is nestled in the foothills, covered in oaks. A few years ago, a neighboring vacation house being built caught their eye. It was everything they really wanted, but unfortunately it belonged to some one else. Recently, the owners put out a For Sale sign and Cindy grabbed it, giving it the name Villa Cantina. Though newly built, it still needed some tweaking and updating to turn it into Cindy’s vision. She had dreams of a warm and cozy lake house filled with wicker, lanterns, seagrass, urns, linens, and accented with distressed architectural elements. A chef’s kitchen was a must. Cindy’s husband and son, Hattersley Construction, were the general contractors HERE. And Cindy, as Cindy Hattersley Design did the decorating and some of the labor. (Of course, she also does construction work!)

 

 

The view from Villa Cantina’s veranda

 

The renovation work on the villa went by quickly and today, the family is now enjoying the fruits of their labor. The house is tastefully furnished – it’s casual and welcoming (the best kind.) Done in shades of tans, greens, and khakis, it is reminiscent of the colors found outdoors. The floors are either travertine stone or wall to wall seagrass. The chairs are comfy wicker and the sofas are plush. There’s a flat screen TV with surround sound, and the gourmet kitchen boasts two dishwashers and two garbage disposals. Adding to the luxe atmosphere, the doors are all dark stained walnut. Villa Cantina is large enough to house extended family and friends, with 5 bedrooms and 4 full baths. While the interiors are beautiful, everyone’s favorite spots are the two covered verandas with their glorious views of Cantinas Creek. There’s a nearby marina with all kinds of water sports. A host of wonderful restaurants dot the area. And of course, the main attraction is the neighboring vineyards welcoming visitors for wine tastings and property tours. Who wouldn’t want to spend a vacation in such luxury??? I know I would.

 

The back of the villa. The top veranda is off the living room and the lower veranda is off the master bedroom.

 

The front of the villa gives no hint to its large size.

 

The main living area. Cindy chose matching tan sofas with green pillows that give a pop of color. The shelving units flanking the fireplace were completely renovated by Cindy – and the backs were painted green. Old balusters were turned into lamps – with trendy burlap shades. On top of the travertine is a cow hide rug. Behind the sofa is the staircase and front door.

 

 

Looking out towards the covered veranda. Kooboo chairs have feed bag styled pillows. Behind the chairs is the dining room

 

 

Here you can see both of the bookcases. Before these were just plain plywood shelves.

 

BEFORE: A peek at the shelves being built – and the former fireplace screen – small changes that make a big difference.

 

Looking towards the entrance and the stair hall with vintage oars and shutter.

 

Love the chairs and the burlap pillows!

 

The view from the back of the living room through to the veranda.

 

 

The cowhide rug under the coffee table.

 

The collection of living room pillows.

 

The veranda off the living room has striped Sunbrella curtains – so cute!!

 

There’s a ceiling fan with a mister for summer afternoons.he veranda’s dining table – what a view!!

 

The dining room’s lantern is from Pottery Barn, electrified. It’s fabulous! At the counter are industrial stools from Wisteria. The kitchen and dining room both overlook the back view.

 

 

I really love the table with its gray X base.

 

And the shutters flanking the cow painting.

 

 

Close up of the old balustrades made into lamps – and the vintage oars hanging in the stair well.

 

Cute vignette leading into the guest room.

 

The kitchen cabinets were a light brown – Cindy darkened them herself. The countertop is concrete – made to resemble limestone.

 

 

Two dishwashers are included for easy cleanup.

 

 

BEFORE: the color of the cabinets before they were darkened.

 

The master bedroom. The fireplace mantel was added by Cindy. The view is of the second veranda.

 

Wall to wall seagrass is installed here. One of the prettier aspects of the villa is the walnut doors! Gorgeous! Notice all the cute accessories – the urns, the baskets, the hats, the feed bag pillows and the egg prints.

 

 

I love the distressed console with its scrolled iron work. And, notice the antique French doors installed in the niche next to the fireplace.

 

The view from the master bedroom window.

 

The master bedroom veranda also has Sunbrella portieres.

 

The master bathroom is all limestone – and is mostly new, installed by Cindy.

 

The master bathroom sinks are limestone vessels.

 

 

Bedroom #2: Remember, there are five bedrooms! This is my favorite one for some reason. Great bedding.

 

 

The white painted dresser in bedroom #2.

 

 

 

Another view of bedroom #2 – with the old balustrades converted to lamps with burlap shades. Notice the old shutter above the headboard. Wall to wall seagrass.

 

 

Bedroom #3 has a kooboo wicker headboard and wall to wall seagrass, with more balustrade lamps.

 

Another view of bedroom #3 with the wicker headboard. 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                        

Bedroom #4 has black and white damask duvet matched with white bedding. Love the lumbar pillow. Cute wall lamps hang over French iron tables.

 

 

Bathroom #2 – there are four!

 

 

 

Bathroom #3 – no pictures of bathroom #4. This looks totally new too with its double shower heads and Wisteria oyster mirror.

 

 

Isn’t this just the cutest lake house? Or vacation house? I love the way Cindy decorated in in the colors found in nature. The design is cohesive and flows from room to room. I love all the seagrass and wicker, the linens on the beds and the rattan shades. I especially love the verandas with the striped curtains. Besides these pictures of Villa Cantina, Cindy sent me photographs of her family home and it is amazing, especially the landscaping. Unfortunately, there aren’t any interior shots, but the outside makes up for that!

 

 

Cindy’s family house is a stucco Spanish Colonial. Cindy and her contractor husband built it over 25 years ago. How charming is this????? I love the balcony and the shutters – and the tiled and gravel paths

 

 

 

Here’s looking off to the left side of the house.

 

 

And to the front of the house. Notice the green gate and fountain. A stucco fence surrounds the part of the property and a wood fence surrounds the other part. The farm’s barn is seen at the front.

 

Another view facing the other direction on the right side of the front of the house. The fountain is to the left.

 

Close up view of the fountain.

 

Another green gate at the back of the house. Notice the wisteria hanging from the small balcony.

 

 

The pinks and purples looks so gorgeous against the green doors.

 

 

The garage with the stone driveway. Cindy has hosted several weddings at her house – the most recent is her daughter’s. The seated dinner reception was held here on the driveway – she disguised the garage doors in the most ingenious way.

 

 

There are gorgeous roses climbing everywhere!

 

This looks like France to me. Roses trained as trees line the stone path on the right. The stone building is actually the farm garage. If you can believe that. I’m going to call it the “little house.”

 

 

 

A closer look at the path leading to the little house (I refuse to call this a garage.) I can’t imagine living with such gorgeous surroundings. Must be heaven.

 

On the second pathway that lies between the rose trees.’

 

View of the hills from the little house.

 

 

Looking from the little house and its fountain towards the back of the house and the swimming pool. On the opposite side is the swimming pool area’s fireplace.

 

 

A rose covered arbor. Below, you can see it in full bloom.

 

It leads to a little secret garden.

 

More wisteria by the swimming pool area.

 

And, it’s California after all – the swimming pool.

 

Last summer Cindy’s daughter was married at the house. I can’t help but show a few pictures of the wedding. There are some great ideas and inspiration here. Cindy did all the decorations and flowers.  Of course!!

 

Jenna, the bride and her bridesmaids got dressed in her bedroom – with its suzani bedspread and faux zebra rug and wicker chair. The bridesmaids wore gray silk taffeta dresses with yellow shoes – the wedding’s color theme.

 

After dressing, the girls all went out to pose under the pergola. I adore Jenna’s dress – I love the pleated detailing and the gathering at the hip. Beautiful!

 

After pictures, they all headed down the gravel path back into the house to leave for the ceremony.

 

 

The bride was driven with her father to the ceremony in a vintage pink convertible

 

The groom and his groomsmen took a hayride to the ceremony. Guests also came by hayride.

 

 

The ceremony took place in the hills next to Cindy’s property. Wow. It’s like nature is God’s altar.

 

I love the old beat up truck as decoration. Is this Texas?

 

 

Fresh lain hay instead of a white carpet. Yellow sunflowers and roses sat besides each row.

 

 

Groom, Darius’, tie was yellow and blue – all the groomsmen and Jenna’s dad wore the same tie. Aren’t they are gorgeous couple?!!

 

 

Posing at the front of the property – with the green gates and fountain. That’s Cindy - the lady of house. That’s the barn behind the gates. The house is behind it. And to the right is the “little house” or really the farm garage.

 

I love Cindy’s outfit – gray taffeta silk that matches the bridesmaids, paired with a white shirt. Simply elegant. I told Cindy this is exactly what I want to wear to Elisabeth’s wedding. Isn’t she adorable? And the newly married couple are gorgeous.

 

 

Posing from the balcony on the front of the house.

 

A glimpse into Cindy’s house – the two story entrance hall. The pictures Cindy sent of the house are too tiny to use. Maybe one day we’ll see more of the inside.

 

 

The reception hour took place around the pool – at the back of the house. The rose arch is to the left behind the wooden fence.

 

 

The seated dinner was set up on the stone paved driveway – with three long picnic tables. Barrels of wine closed off the driveway making the area appear more like an enclosed room.

 

 

In keeping with the theme – yellow and white ticking was used as a table runner. The flowers were set in tin buckets. Lemons were used as decorations. Lanterns ran down the length of the tables.

 

 

The tables were named after area landmarks. Votives rested in glasses filled with sand. Napkins were tied with yellow ribbons.

 

Place settings were marked with tiny chalkboards.

 

 

All avid riders, the guest book was actually a coffee table book on horses! Such a cute idea. I’m overloading from all the little details!! Amazing.

 

Outdoor heaters kept the guests warm as the evening wore on and the chill set in.

 

 

All the bridesmaids wore yellow pashminas to keep the chill out.

 

 

Cindy covered up the garage doors with burlap and hung pictures from Jenna’s and Darius’ childhood. Toasts were given in front of the picture gallery.

 

 

 

Along with the string lights, votives were placed in hanging jam jars.

 

 

The motto of the wedding!

 

 

Special beers and ales were served.

 

Private labeled white and red wine – Darjen – a combination of Darius and Jenna. The picture on the label is of the field where the ceremony took place – including the old brown and white truck. So clever!

 

Private labeled water. Guests each took home a bottle of private labeled extra virgin olive oil.

 

The dinner buffet.

 

 

 

After dinner, cupcakes were served.

 

 

The candy bar – set on wine barrels and linen.

 

A close up of the sweets.

 

 

Gawd, they are such a gorgeous couple!!! Thank you Jenna and Darius for letting us peek at your beautiful wedding day!!!

 

OK – that’s all!!! Whew, I told you this was a long one!

What????? A giveaway?????

OH YEAH – THERE’S A GIVEAWAY TOO – I ALMOST FORGOT!!

 

 

Remember Villa Cantina – Cindy’s vacation spot in the Paso Robles wine country?

 

Remember how cute she decorated it? With seagrass and kooboo wicker and green accents and lanterns and antique shutters and five bedrooms and 4 bathrooms and 2 dishwashers???????

 

 

Remember the two striped curtained verandas – overlooking the creek and the hillside? Would you like to visit? For a weekend? For free??????

 

THE GIVEAWAY:

 

One weekend at Villa Cantina. If you win. Enter today. Just leave me your email address in a comment. The contest closes this Thursday at 11:59 pm. Hurry!!!

Go HERE to read about the property and restrictions – only 8 occupants are allowed and all must be over 13 years old.

And if you don’t win- consider staying here for the weekend or a longer stretch of time. It looks incredible.

 

A HUGE thank you to Cindy and her family for graciously offering this fabulous giveaway – and a special thank you to Cindy for letting us have this glimpse into her life, her homes, and her charming aesthetic, you are the best!!!

 

Go HERE to see Hattersley Construction’s web site. There are pictures of Cindy’s house on there too!

 

To contact Cindy Hattersley for design work, her email is: cynthiahattersley@gmail.com