The House Moesha Bought

SELLER: Ralph and Melba Farquhar
LOCATION: Zorada Drive, Los Angeles CA
PRICE: $5,900,000
SIZE: 3,221 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Magnificent modern with panoramic view. Soaring ceilings, stone floors, and walls of glass open to sparkling pool, spa, lawn and patio with fire it, built-in BBQ all overlooking the canyon and city. Gourmet kitchen with limestone counters and top appliances, family/media room and maids. Upstairs are four en suites, gym and stunning office. Fantastic, ultra-hip master with private deck. Long gated drive, paddle tennis court, guest house, sauna, steam room, five fireplaces. Gorgeous. Flawless

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: We received a nice comment from a Mister Kasser clarifying that the car in the driveway is in fact a XLR or some such thing and NOT a CTS. Well, we appreciate the setting straight. But we still think that's a bogus car to drive and Cadillac should stick to making cars that are more than 20 feet long and seat 8 and 10 people. Just Your Mama's opinion.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: No babies, this is not the home of Brandy, so if that's what you're looking for, we're sorry to disapernt you. We just thought that was a catchy headline. Anyhoo...

The first thing Your Mama noticed when we came across this property was that gold colored Cadillac CTS in the driveway. Your Mama just hates those cars. We think if you're going to drive a Cadillac, go get yourself a damn Fleetwood like the Dr. Cooter's mama used to drive with it's white leather interior and a gleaming white landeau top. Or maybe an old boxy Seville from the 1980s. Now that was a Cadillac worth driving.

Turns out the car belongs to Ralph and Melba Farquhar, all due respect. You may not recognize those names if you're not in the television bizness. Mr. Farquhar has written and produced such money makers as Married With Children, Moesha, and The Parkers. Your Mama thinks that Parkers show isn't worth the tape it's laid down on, but we love us some Mo'Nique. We're waiting for her to bring back her show F.A.T. Chance where she had all this large ladies parading around in negligees vying for the Miss F.A.T crown. Mystifying, touching, and upsetting all at the same time. That was some excellent T.V.

Interestingly Mr. Farquhar got his start writing for Happy Days, a stint which he says "forced him to become a black man in a world of white industry people." Hunnies, just to clarify, that quote is not from the man himself, but this article.

Miss Melba Farquhar has made a name for herself recently as an interior designer with clients like Nicole Ari Parker and Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker. Her work and talent is clearly seen up in the couple's mod-rin Hollywood Hills mansion.

The second thing Your Mama noticed about this house is that property records show the house at just over 3,000 square feet. But we suspect the records have not been updated recently because this house is surely closer to 5,000 square feet.

The house, accessed up a long drive and tucked behind other houses, sits up on the side of a hill at the top of Nichols Canyon and on the back side of Mount Olympus. Surrounded by a mountain side of scrub lands, the house offers serious privacy. Which of course, Your Mama loves. But, all that scrub land can be a little dangerous if you have cats and small dogs that can be snatched in the night by the wild critters that surely roam the hillside. So buyer beware on that.

Your Mama finds the front of the house bland and even unattractive. But once we get inside, Your Mama is very pleasantly surprised at the elegant dramatics of the layout. Some of the rooms are a wee bit small, but that is made up for by the tremendous floor to ceiling windows that allow long and wide views. And we're feeling all those dark walnut floors for sure.

We could do without the industrial style island in the kitchen which looks a little over-processed, but it's nice that the architect included a big picture window in the there so the maid can look at something nice while she's scrubbing the pots and pans.

The twisty staircase, perfect for a grand entrance by a supreme Hollywood diva like Jesse Metcalfe, brings us to the second level where bedrooms and en suite bathrooms abound. Your Mama does not usually care to soak in a big ol' bathtub. Tubs just make us feel like we're sitting in our own filth. We prefer a scalding hot shower where the dirt runs off our ample body and straight down the drain. However, that big, sexy, frameless curve of glass behind the tub in the master bedroom just might make us reconsider our bathtub ban.

Children, it's the backyard here that really has Your Mama feeling good about this house. Normally we don't appreciate swimming pools with swooping and odd shapes, but this one has us wishing we lived on Zorada Drive. Imagine taking a midnight skinny dip here?

And ev-er-ee one who has ever read anything Your Mama has written knows we are down with outdoor fireplaces and fire pits. The Farquhar fire pit is an perfect example of how to do it correct. We imagine our self laid out on that banquette, the Dr. Cooter rubbing our tired tootsies and our bitches Linda and Beverly curled up next to use.

One thing we are concerned about is the eight terlits. That's right, as usual we are worried about the physical health of the staff. The maid is surely going be suffering from bursitis after scrubbing all them things for a few months. If you buy this house, Your Mama asks that you have enough disposable income to get your maid an assistant to work the terlits.