Vondie Curtis Hall, King of the Hill

SELLER: Vondie Curtis-Hall and Kasi (Karen) Lemmons
LOCATION: Appian Way, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,595,000
SIZE: 3,188 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bedrooms
DESCRIPTION: 360 degree city/valley ocean veiw from private 1-story crtyd. Spanish at the top of a very long gated section of Appian Way halfway between SSPlaza & Stanley Hills. 3+4 guesthouse & pool. All finished in best taste and style. Flat grassy yard. Meditation deck. Private pine forrest. Serene sancturary. Blissfully quiet. Like on other property on the market. Magnificent kit. master opens to pool. Up very long, sometimes narrow country lane, to true pvt. promontory.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Now babies, this Vondie Curtis Hall has a list of film and television credits a mile long, but somehow has not managed to break into the big time. Almost never does he appear is the celeb-rags like Star Magazine, and my crew certainly does not lay around the pool at The Raleigh in South Beach yakking about him.

And that's probably a crying shame because this Julliard trained ack-tor has a great smile and some serious acting chops. He's even been nominated for a couple Emmys and had recurring roles on a few very popular programs from the 1990s such as Chicago Hope and ER. We don't recall him from back in those days because Your Mama does not care for the hospital dramas. We do not need to see people wretch blood, scream bloody murder, or get sliced open by an arrogant and troubled middle-aged doctor who impregnated an 22-year old intern while screwing down in the morgue. Please.

Like a lot of well-trained ack-tor types, Vondie has an itch to get behind the camera where he can call all the shots and work out his creativity. And he's got a few credits to his credit such as the critically acclaimed Gridlock'd starring the dead Tupac Shakur. But he also di-rected pop diva Mariah Carey in her monumental celluloid tragedy Glitter. Oh lawhd children, remember that piece of cinematic terlit paper? That movie was so awful it never even made into the lexicon of movies considered so bad they're good like that ridiculously lurid Showgirls film. No wonder poor Mariah had a breakdown in a penthouse suite at the Tribeca Grand Hotel. The backlash from Glitter was wicked, harsh and had very, very sharp claws. And that was before the movie was even released.

Anyhoo, Vondie and his lady Kasi Lemmons are selling their perch at the top of the Hollywood Hills which the couple purchased October of 2001. The house and property have staggering and vertigo inducing views due to it's location on the apex of Appian Way. It appears the couple either has good taste or they hired themselves a nice gay decorator to drive all the way up the hill to help them with their furniture selections. And Your Mama couldn't be more pleased to see actual books in the house.

Because it can get a little windy on the top of The Hills, Your Mama appreciates the swimming pool is tucked into a courtyard where we could sun our prodigious buns and not worry about our weave being ripped off by a particularly swift chinook.

We're not sure what that tent-like contraption is, but we're thrilled it's bolted into the rock on which it's sitting. We imagine that is a lovely spot to ponder nature and the complex and ugly world of the film and television business.

All the children surely know Your Mama loves the guest house. There is nothing better than being able to stash the guests out in a casita of their own where we don't have to listen to them burp, fart and fornicate all night.

The house, because of it's extreme privacy, would be perfect for a paparazzi hounded celebrity like Lindsay Lohan. Your Mama understands the troubled young ack-tress is indeed looking for a place to purchase and call home. But upon further thought we reconsidered. Unfortunately there is just no way La Lohan could get manage to pilot her Mercedes up and down that twisty and narrow road at 4am after a long night of drinking water at Winston's. And no one wants to see this gal go the way of Princess Grace of Monaco, may she rest in peace.

No doubt some less erratic industry type with a clean driving record will buy this property. But we have a sneaking and dark suspicion the current house will be knocked down and replaced with something gargantuan, glossy and theatrical. That would be a shame if anyone were to ask Your Mama, which of course, no one did.