Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Ed McMahon Mansion

SELLER: Ed and Pam McMahon
LOCATION: 12000 Crest Court, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $4,600,000 (reduced from $6,750,000)
SIZE: 7,013 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Ed McMahon's private Mediterranean Estate, in the Prestigious Beverly Hills Gated Community, The Summit, can be yours. This once in a lifetime offering is full of charm and character. The foreign imported doors and meticulously chosen fireplaces are unlike any other. The Master Suite with his and hers baths and closets, overlooks the yard and sweeping canyon.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama apologizes in advance for hating on this house, but we find it to be just so damned ugly. Mediterranean? Please. The listing agent at Hilton & Hyland says the house is Mediterranean, but Your Mama is not seeing it. The facade of this house looks more like something we would expect to find up in one of the better neighborhoods of Beirut or Riyadh. But instead, this beast is located just inside the gates of Beverly Hills' The Summit where it overlooks Coldwater Canyon and busy Mulholland Drive.

All the celebrity real estate hounds will recognize The Summit as the very same gated community where Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani live in a double gated $15,000,000 extravaganza, and of course, also where the bald and troubled Britney Spears is flipping her most recent real estate purchase.

For nearly 30 years Ed McMahon was Johnny Carson's bitch on the Tonight Show. His only responsibilities seemed to be shrieking, "Heeeeeere's Johnny!" at the start of the show and then sitting off to the side guffawing at and agreeing with whatever Johnny said. For this he was no doubt paid handsomely, but Your Mama imagines this would not be the most stimulating job in the world. Fortunately, McMahon had plenty of moonlighting gigs such as hosting Star Search in the 1980s and 90s and working as the pitch man for the Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. Unfortunately, these don't sound like the most stimulating jobs either.

None the less, mostly due to savvy real estate investments and partnerships, the octogenarian has long been considered to be one of the richer men in Hollywood. As one of the largest landlords in Malibu, some reports state his net worth hovers around $200,000,000. Not bad for a man who began his career as a bingo caller and carnival barker.

After a pipe burst in July of 2001 and flooded the den of McMahon mansion, toxic mold was discovered. Soon it had spread through the heating and air conditioning ducts contaminating everything in it's path. A heated battle with the insurance company ensued and eventually, after much wrangling, the McMahons were awarded $7,200,000 to gut and rebuild the interior of the home. Your Mama is certainly glad the McMahons were able to get the mold situation under control and their house rebuilt. But we do question some of the aesthetic choices that were made in the process.

Who know Ed McMahon had such "interesting" and eclectic taste in home decor? Or does all this reflect the taste of McMahon's third wife Pam? We can appreciate the leopard print club chairs in the living room, but that perverse horse figurine on the floor upsets Your Mama greatly. We see these horse things up in rich people's houses all the time and we would like to know who is perpetrating the presence of this sort of visual vomit. Who? If we knew who you were, we'd slap you upside the head and make you swear on your mama's life not to put these equine pieces of shit up in people's houses anymore.

We can understand and appreciate comfortable seating for screening movies and watching that hi-larious program Top Design on the Bravo. But Your Mama can not tolerate a Lazy-Boy recliner. Ever. Not even, as it is here at the McMahon mansion, if it is upholstered in the same buttery brown leather as the alarmingly large sectional sofa.

(On a side note, are the children watching Top Design on the Bravo? If not, you should. The show itself is fun enough, but the reason we watch is to see in what sort of outfit and hair-don't the famed and extremely talented interior designer Kelly Wearstler will swan around. Last night we were treated to a knee length beaded gown and an astonishing crimped situation up on her head. This gorgeous bitch looked like she stuck her hand right up in a light socket.)

Anyhoo, if the children look close at the photos, you'll note the McMahons have curiously chosen to eliminate molding. Could this be because after their terrific troubles with toxic mold, they don't feel comfortable having any item with the word "mold" in the house? Your Mama isn't always a huge fan of moldings ourselves, but some architectural styles do indeed require them to appear finished. And if you're going to be calling your mansion Mediterranean, you better have some big ass moldings up at the ceiling and down on the floor.

Out in the back yard we are absolutely mortified by the cheap and dangerous looking jungle gym. Your Mama feels that if you are worth anywhere near $200,000,000 you should provide the grand kiddies a more substantial and stable jungle gym. Additionally, because this back yard hangs over Mulholland Drive, Your Mama is concerned the children's ears could be damaged from the excessive road noise. We can only hope the McMahons keep a bowl of ear plugs next to the French doors to the backyard.

The listing agent over at Hilton & Hyland has provided an extensive virtual tour that will be available online until the house sells.

Sources: Hilton & Hyland, Comedy Zone, Hazardous Materials Assessment, Inc., Robertson & Vick

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