Jonathan Antin Lists Toluca Lake Ranch House

SELLER: Jonathan Antin
LOCATION: 10049 Toluca Lake Avenue, Toluca Lake, CA
PRICE: $1,999,000
SIZE: 2,859 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 2.75 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Single story home in the coveted heart of Toluca Lake near Lakeside Golf Club offers a polished interior in a tranquil setting. An automatice gate opens to a circular driveway enhanced with an ecogrid patterning. Wood floors and expansive molding accents are constant throughout the living and formal dining areas and highlighted by well planned directional recessed lighting. A guest room and full bathroom are located on one side of the home with the remaining bedrooms and the master suite located on the opposite side of the home down a common hallway....

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Let's all get into Your Mama's gin and tonic fueled time machine and go way back to March of 2007 when we dished and discussed a Bird Street bachelor pad high above Tinseltown's Sunset Strip being sold by Jonathan Antin. Mister Antin is, of course, the L.A. based celebrity beyootishun with the chisel chin and smoldering, come hither eyes who has toiled over the tresses of divas like Madonna, Margaret Cho, Rod Stewart and Ricky Martin.

A few months later, in May of 2007, we heard from our informant John Doe who tattled that the comely coiffeur and his baby momma turned wifey Sescie were hightailing it out of the Hollywood Hills for the more family friendly 'hood of Toluca Lake. Property records do indeed reveal that in April of 2007 Mister and Missus Antin paid $1,980,000 for a single story house on Toluca Lake Avenue that sits right up next door to the beast built and occupied by original Beverly Hills 90210 star Jennie Garth and her actor huzband Peter Facinelli who not only plays a boobie grabbing doctor on the fab Showtime program Nurse Jackie but also plays a doctor in the uber-successful vampire film phenomena that is Twilight. Mister Antin, who makes Foneesha–the gal who works the hair washing station at the salon where Your Mama's locks get worked–go wild with desire, is no stranger to appearing on the boob-toob. Not only did he star in Bravo TV reality program Blow Out, he pushes his own hair car product line on the QVC.

Your Mama was sitting around the other morning chomping saltines in order to soak up the booze and we received an unexpected and covert communique from a Toluca Lake resident we'll call Gladiss Kravitz, who should not to be confused with Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched. Our Missus Kravitz conspiratorially whispered in Your Mama's big ear that after only owning the house for just 2.5 years, Mister and Missus Antin have listed their Toluca Lake property with an asking price $1,999,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that Mister Antin is neither just a pretty face nor a hair-brained hairdresser because he rather wisely priced his house just $19,000 more than he paid for the place 2.5 years ago when the real estate market in Los Angeles was still raging like a wildfire out of control. We're not saying the Antins will get $19,000 more than they paid, but at least they didn't up-price their property a million bucks over what they paid for it at the tippy-top of the real estate bubble like so many other rich and famous people have been doing.

Of course, Your Mama don't know a cup of coffee from a dump truck but it looks to us like the Mister and Missus Antin may have already moved from this house. Or maybe the Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota has already been up in the house clearing out all their personal effects? Or maybe the couple and their two young children simply don't like their house cluttered up with a bunch of knick-knacks and paddy-whacks? Whatever the case, listing information indicates the barely decorated, single story, hip roof ranch measures 2,859 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 2.75 poopers. An automatic gate opens to a large circular drive with a cross-hatched pattern of concrete squares and grass strips that listing information calls an "ecogrid."

The front foyer leads to the living room which has hardwood floors, a corner fireplace, a wall mounted flat screen tee-vee, French doors that open to the back yard, and a bunch of furniture that looks like it was ordered out one of those Pottery Barn catalogs that get delivered to Your Mama's house every damn day. While there's really nothing special about this room that we can see, we do like the blue and lighter blue striped rug and imagine it might look mighty fine in our upstairs office. The wood floors continue into the dining room which has corner windows covered by plantation shutters, more French doors and one of those unfortunate candle chandeliers hanging over the farmhouse table. Listen children, we know these candle things probably give off nice and romantic light, and we would certainly never recommend a klieg-like lighting solution for a dining room, but the five puny candles that make up this paltry chandelier probably wouldn't light up a damn closet let alone provide enough light in the damn dining room to see what you're putting in your mouth.

The eat-in kitchen is all country style with knotty pine cabinetry, a cross-hatch pattern tile floor with wood inlay that unhappily mirrors the "ecogrid" on the driveway, and eggshell-colored tile counter tops with a very upsetting flowery detail on the edge. Listing information indicates the appliances are all high grade, that there is a prep sink, a pantry, a separate office area/work station, and an indoor grilling hearth because, you know, it's not so easy to barbecue outside with all the inclement weather in Los Angeles. The children will note that the dishwasher has been raised up so that Cho-Cho the dish dude won't bust up his back bending over while loading and unloading the fine china.

According to listing information, there is a guest bedroom and pooper on one side of the house and the home's other three bedrooms are located on the other. The master bedroom appears to have chocolate brown carpeting which might be good for hiding dirt and doggy doo stains, but otherwise Your Mama can't see any sufficient reason for installing chocolate brown wall to wall carpeting. Overall Your Mama does not care for the lackluster day-core in the Antin house, but we are coveting that pair of wood benches at the foot of the bed. The master pooper is home to about 49 different types and colors of tile and a commodious shower that listing information says has a "plethora of shower heads" which is a lovely feature if you like to have your choo-choo sprayed clean at the same time you're washing your hair.

Several sets of French doors and French door-like sliding doors open to a covered brick terrace that runs along the backside of the house. Listing information indicates the flat and grassy backyard is "thoughtfully landscaped," and while large enough, does not currently have a swimming pool. It does, however, have a dog run, which is nice if you have dogs but not so much if you don't.

In addition to Jenny Garth and Peter Facinelli, the Antin's nearby neighbors also include High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale and former Baywatch babe Brooke Burns who was once married to not afraid to bare his booty on national tee-vee Nip/Tuck hottie Julian McMahon.