Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Little Holmby

BUYERS: Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott
LOCATION: Thayer Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,275,000
SIZE: 3,300 (approx.) square feet, 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Situation on much sought-after Thayer Ave. is this elegant home, custom built in 2005. Large living rm, formal dining rm and gourmet cook's kitchen with granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. Stained oak floors on main level. 3 bedrooms upstairs, 2 bedrooms down. Master suite with dual closets & city views. Lushly landscaped backyard with new saltwater pool, built-in BBQ and covered eating area.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Recently the wildly rich Hollywood widow Candy Spelling decided to downsize and reportedly plunked down a fat forty seven million inherited clams for a not yet completed 16,000 square foot doo-plex penthouse in Century City.

Meanwhile, big gem luvin' Miz Spelling's much maligned (but beloved by Your Mama) reality show queen daughter Tori Spelling and her hottie huzband Dean McDermott recently paid $2,275,000 for a much more modest house on Los Angeles' Thayer Avenue, a location which happens to be just a few blocks west of the "The Manor," the 123-room monster mansion in which little Miss Tori grew up on South Mapleton Drive

A brief consult with our beloved and bejeweled abacus informs Your Mama and the elder Miz Spelling paid a staggering 20+ times more for her new penthouse palace than Tori and Dean paid for their decidedly unglam but family friendly 5 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom house. That prolific price differential which should indicate to the children just who got all Aaron Spelling's many millions after he went to meet the great producer in the sky back in June of 2006.

The children will note with great interest (and perhaps even some flabbergast) that the front facade of the Spelling/McDermott house is not, and we repeat, is not the same as the front facade that appears on the couple's current and not particularly compelling reality show Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Your Mama learned from Blabbermouth Bill that the quasi Spanish style house shown on the couple's TV program is actually in Woodland Hills and is absolutely not the same house where Tori and Dean actually live on Thayer Avenue in an area of L.A. sometimes referred to as Little Holmby, Westwood or just plain ol' West L.A.

According to listing information that we received from a friendly source we'll call the Holmby Hausfrau, the 2005 built domicile measures in at about 3,300 square feet, has a front facing two car garage, a fireplace in the living room, a good sized kitchen with stainless appliances and and an island work counter, a family room with double height ceiling and French doors to the small but nicely appointed back yard which features a built in barbecue center with blue tile counter top and a saltwater swimming pool and spa.

Since the photos of this house show the interior day-core of the previous owners and not that of Mister and Missus McDermott, we will not bather to discuss the lackluster furniture choices. However we can't help our snarky self when we say that despite the rather inviting backyard set up, this house is just so ordinary, a real residential snooze that lacks any real architectural chutzpah. We would have expected something a bit more "Hollywood" for this Beverly Hills bred babe, but then again, perhaps living in such undistinguished circumstances is a kind of rebellion, a big fat middle finger to her high maintenance mommy.

But most disturbing about this house for Your Mama is not the unflinching mediocrity of design, it is that it lacks any real privacy, something that Your Mama would think this couple would want and need. So listen children, we're going to say this once and only once...do not get in your damn cars and go over and start ringing Tori's doorbell and tripping her security. Her mama may not be kicking in much moolah to allow the couple to buy a more private abode, but don't think for one minute that Candy darling won't cough up the cash to hire a private security goon to sit outside this house 24/7 and wallop any moe-rons who might step on to the grass and disturb her grand babies.

Anyhoo, Your Mama sincerely wishes Miss Tori and Mister Dean a happy home with their children and we look forward to an invite to their next back yard barbecue and skinny dippin' party.

P.S. Thanks to all your comments, emails and phone calls, we now see the error of our geographic ways and recognize this house sits in Westwood and not Little Holmby. However we're just too damn lazy to change all our references to Little Holmby in the post.