Friday, May 30, 2008

Phillip Bloch Double Whammy / Los Angeles

SELLER: Phillip Bloch
LOCATION: Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 1,500 square feet (approx.), 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
PRICE: $629,000
DESCRIPTION:R E D U C E D...NOTE H U G E (approx. 1500 square footage) 2 BR/2 BA corner unit. Light & bright w/AMAZING DOWNTOWN VIEWS from balcony, both BR & kitch; & CITY VIEWS. Unit is located on QUIET BACKSIDE of building & is very PRIVATE w/HUGE usable balcony, over sized LR w/den area, hardwood floors & wet-bar. Each BR w/walk-in closets & Mstr ste w/two add'l closets. Mstr BA w/window & spa tub. SxS parking & extra storage in garage. Laundry hook-ups

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While celebrity super-stylist Phillip Bloch may have an uncanny and innate knack for knowing who should wear what, when and to where, Your Mama thinks the man might have a chip missing when it comes to real estate and interior day-core. Earlier today we discussed the hot mess of a Manhattan co-op that Mister Bloch has on the market for $1,500,000, and in the course of our "research" we also learned that the hat wearing and hair challenged purveyor of panache is also looking to unload his less than perfect west coast crib.

Property records show that the bizzy bi-coastal stylist to the stars purchased his Los Angeles condominium, located on a the residential west end of Hollywood Boulevard, in January of 2001. Your Mama recommends the children hold on to their wigs and britches when we tell them that records reveal Mister Bloch paid just $255,000 (gasps heard up and down Sunset and Hollywood Boulevards) for the 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom condo with lovely views down palm lined N. Sierra Bonita Avenue and over West Hollywood. Mister Bloch's building may be ass-uglee (trust Your Mama, we looked it up) and the kitchen and bathrooms in dire need of a re-do, but remember the good ol' days when living in Los Angeles was a real estate bargain compared to the other historically ungodly expensive major American cities like New York and San Francisco?

Listing information shows the current asking price has been reduced to $629,000 and for that number a buyer gets a genuinely large living room with den area, a "HUGE usable balcony" (with an eye popping and disturbing tile issue), a wet bar for all the booze hounds, laundry hook ups (an excellent feature) and side by side parking (another excellent and desirable feature).

Here's the thing kids. Your Mama suspects Mister Bloch, who has clearly moved out, perpetrated all sorts of upsetting interior design crimes on this place when he was in residence and we certainly understand that most people not familiar with Los Angeles can't fathom why anyone in LaLa Land would willingly live in an apartment rather than a house; Answer: cost, maintenance, security.

Despite being located in a considerably less than attractive building that looks like something built in Warsaw circa 1982, Your Mama is of the mind that the apartment itself, with the help of a nice gay decorator and a skilled contractor, could be wrested from it's current sad state of affairs and be a comfortable and affordable Hollywood hideaway. Because let's be honest kids, not every celeb or demi-celeb in Los Angeles can afford a massive multi-million dollar mansion or, quite frankly, even qualify for a sweet and modest Spanish style casa which could easily be well over a million clams in L.A. So here are eight reasons why Your Mama thinks this condo could work for a budget conscious buyer:

1. Size: It won't work for all the real estate size queens out there, but at (approx.) 1,500 square feet this is a generously sized 2 bedroom apartment with large living spaces.
2. Location: Hollywood Boulevard is not every one's cup of real estate tea, but the central location makes for easy access to most parts of Tinseltown.
3. Balcony: Yes children, we know the tile is a real and serious problem but, all things considered, this is a good sized terrace with just enough space to dine, lounge and give the illusion of indoor/outdoor living.
4. View: Living above the roof tops with a long view is, as Miz Martha Stewart says, a good thing. Your Mama thinks the palm trees are a pleasingly campy visual reminder of place.
5. Parking: Two cars, side by side. 'Nuff said.
6. Kitchen: The tile is terribly dated and the cabinets inexcusably putrid, but do you see the window? Do y'all know how many apartments do not have windows in the kitchen?
7. Bathrooms: There are two, which means the owner(s) can poop in private when there are guests.
8. Light: The unit is south facing for maximum sunlight harnessing.

Your Mama hasn't a clue where Mister Bloch intends to live once he sells both his east and west coast residences, but if he would like a little assistance selecting a new home and new day-core appropriate to his style station, we'd be happy to help. Seriously, call Your Mama Mister Bloch. We're eager to help you settle you into a new crib that represents your vaunted position in the fashion and style world.

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