Thursday, April 22, 2010

Your Mama Hears...

...Through the Platinum Triangle gossip grapevine that there was a bit o' buzz among organizers and guests at last night's par-tay at The Century for architect Robert A.M. Stern's new line of interior furnishings about Miz Candy Spelling and her impending move to the penthouse of The Century, the Robert A.M. Stern designed residential tower in Century City, CA. According to the jibber-jabber Your Mama heard, due to the difficulty of unloading her real estate White Elephant–that would be the hotel sized Holmby Hills mansion she rather ludicrously named The ManorMiz Candy Spelling might be having some second thoughts about the $47,000,000 doo-plex penthouse she's agreed to buy at The Century.

Take a moment, children, and try to wrap y'alls minds around the fact that downsizing for a ladee like Miz Spelling is a $47,000,000 and 16,500 square foot penthouse condominium with 360-degree views. If that ain't enough to make a person need a damn nerve pill we don't know what is.

Anyhoo, assuming there might be some truth to the scuttlebutt, Your Mama imagines there would be a serious financial consequence to Miz Spelling backing out of the big deal at The Century. Surely the ladee put down a sizable deposit to secure the two floors and we imagine she's also dropped a wad on customizing the plans not to mention funding whatever construction costs–if any–not covered by the developer. The wealthy widow can probably afford to lose 10 or 20 million clams without having to sell her Rolls or let go of her full time lint picker, but even Your Mama thinks the canny Miz Spelling would think twice before backing out of a real estate deal of this magnitude.

In short: We're skeptical of the rumor. None the less, that there's the rumor and gossip that reached Your Mama this morning via covert communique.

According to previous reports and a press release released by the developers of of the luxury high-rise building, plans for Miz Spelling's approximately 16,500 square foot aerie on the 41st and 42nd floor call for a first floor reception room, a living room with two fireplaces, a dining room that seats 24 or more, a gore-may kitchen with breakfast room and separate china storage, an office and, natch, staff quarters. Plans for Miz Spelling's private spaces on the second floor include a 4,000 square foot master suite with private terrace, dressing room and midnight pantry. Plans also, reportedly, include a garden conservatory with rose garden, massage and exercise rooms, and a private swimming pool that opens to a large terrace.

While that all sounds lavish to the nth degree, it pales in comparison to Miz Spelling's current 123-room and 56,000+ square foot residence that includes a doll museum, a beauty parlor and a barber shop, gift wrapping room, a humidity controlled silver storage room, another room for storing the china, a bowling alley in the basement, and 23 or 26 poopers. As it turns out, even Miz Candy herself does not know how many poopers are up in The Manor without consulting her terlit staff.

Some time ago, when the official listing(s) for Miz Spelling's palatial pile went viral, her attorney Stephen Goldberg told The Wall Street Journal that there had been a dozen inquiries from interested and qualified buyers regarding the 56,000+ square foot beast that carries a migraine making asking price of $150,000,000. Obviously, none of those dozen interested buyers were interested enough to cough up a number satisfactory to Miz Spelling because The Manor remains in her property portfolio and remains listed at the same $150,000,000 it was originally listed.

Word up Candy Darling: If you really want to sell that residential beast of yours, Your Mama suggests that you consider dropping the damn price. In case you did not know, there's a bit of an economic slump going on. Rich people want bargains and discounts just like everybody else, even filthy stinking rich folks. Think about it doll baby, how many big bizness barons or foreign potentate types who can afford The Manor actually want to live in a house that big, are willing to pay upwards of a hundred million bucks and–here's the important part–want to live in Los Angeles?

Clearly, not many.

Your Mama thinks Miz Spelling might be better off donating the property along with a sizable endowment for maintaining the estate to a charitable organization or perhaps filing for a zoning change that would allow the behemoth house to be used as a corporate retreat, high-class rehab facility or a home for unwed teenage mothers with embarrassed and rich parents. Just a thought.

UPDATE here.

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