Grant Show's Somewhat Winning Abode

SELLER: Grant Show
LOCATION: Hollyridge, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,995,000
SIZE: 3,483 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathroms
DESCRIPTION: A stunning view of LA's skyline launches this gated Hollywood Hills retreat into the top tier of homes in the area. The 3BR/2.5BA home combines Moorish architectural elements with classic Spanish design featuring 20-foot ceilings, wrought-iron accents, gleaming wood floors, and walls of windows. A 3,483 sq. ft. floor plan provides perfect flow for large events or intimate nights lounging on expansive balconies. A gourmet kitchen and a massive master with a spa-like bathroom make this a winner.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The television viewing world first took note of Mister Grant Show when he paraded his bulging biceps and moody bad boy attitude around on the boob tube juggernaut that was Melrose Place. Since that golden nugget of television obsession ended in 1997, Mister Show has plied his sexy stuff on recurring roles on Six Feet Under, Strong Medicine, Point Pleasant, Dirt and some show in production called Swingtown, which given the current writer's strike prolly leaves Mister Show twiddling his hunky thumbs like most other working actors in Hollywood.

Your Mama imagines he occupies some of his unexpected spare time running his sorta newly opened Sunset Boulevard bar/restaurant called The Happy Ending, which looks like a real beer, hot wings, and vomiting gurls sort of place to Your Mama. He is also, according to tipster Tommy Talksalot, selling his Beachwood Canyon house. Property records indicate Mister Show purchased the three story, 3,483 square foot Mediterranean meets Moorish mish-mash in 1997 for just $560,000.

We like 1927 vintage of the 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom house, and it's nice that Mister and Missus Show, whose name is improbably Pollyanna, have updated the place with a new kitchen and baths. But what's the deal with the anemic decor? We realize that not every working actor has the interest or pocketbook to hire a nice gay decorator to overhaul their homes, but maybe they should anyway?

All the furniture, including the Gustav Stickley sofa in the living room and the too narrow dining room table feel under scaled for the generous room sizes. The children will also note with a significant and justified amount of consternation that beyond the beveled mirror in the master, the walls are entirely art free. Do Mister and Missus Show harbor some bizarre religious belief that forbids them from choosing a few nice pieces of art or family photographs to hang on the barren and lonely looking walls?

The kitchen walls and ceiling have been tiled up like a surgery suite (is all that stuff original?) and the the strange looking ceiling articulation with the slit down the middle is a little more abstractly vulgar then Your Mama would prefer in a room where we feed our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, bake box cakes, and sliver carrots for Chinese chicken salad.

Because we try to find at least a couple of redeeming features in every property we discuss, Your Mama will confess that we rather enjoy the grape cluster-like chandelier in the dining room, we feel the master bath has been nicely done over, the view is magnificent, and there really are few things that Your Mama likes better than a protected courtyard entrance. And in the main, we are indeed digging Mister and Missus Show's front courtyard with it's raised panel antique gate and saltillo tiles laid at a soothing 45 degree angle to the house. But, and we regret to inform the children there is indeed a but about the courtyard, we are deeply disappointed Mister and Missus Show did not find a more suitable location for the barbecue pit. We like to barbecue as much as the next meat lover, however Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have a not insignificant aversion to seeing a filthy barbecue pit every time we enter and exit a house. Perhaps there is a better spot for that hot coal contraption?

Although we sometimes give Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota sharp verbal stabs and jabs, it is our humble and meaningless opinion that the second rate decorating dynamo could work this place into something more attractive even on a fairly limited Pottery Barn budget.

The Show house overlooks the circular parcel estate formerly owned by Chuck Berry and recently purchased by Danny Masterson and bad gurl turned not so bad Bijou Phillips for $2,995,029. Next door, soap ack-tur-us Victoria Rowell lives in a 4,354 square foot house, and Tommy Talksalot says PETA spokesperson Eva Mendes lives up the street, or at least she did until she recently checked herself into Cirque Lodge in order to deal with some "not critical" "personal issues" which y'all surely remember is Little Lindsay Lohan's former rehab facility in Utah.