Now YOU Can Buy A Place at the Chupi

SELLER: Julian Schnabel
LOCATION: W. 11th Street, New York, NY
PRICES:
Duplex: $32,000,000 (raised from $27,000,000 in April 2008)
Triplex Penthouse: $32,000,000
SIZE: 3,850 square feet (duplex) and 3,845 square feet (triplex)
DESCRIPTION: Influenced by the scale and finishes of European palazzos and the character of Stanford White's cottage architecture, 360 West 11th Street, designed by Julian Schnabel, is New York's most unique residence. These homes have an atmosphere and aura unmatched in the city. Beautiful views of the surrounding city, down to the harbor and across the Hudson river provide bright sunlit rooms. Handmade details include cast bronze door handles, stone fireplaces and cast stone railings. Grand room finished with beamed ceilings, terra cotta tile floors and plaster walls open onto colonnades, terraces & balconies. Amenities include concierge service, an indoor swimming pool with steam room, and private on-site parking.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Bearded, bespectacled and often be-robed artist/film maker/provocateur Julian Schnabel was hoping to people his much maligned and visually pugnacious Palazzo Chupi with hand selected and big money residents culled from his wide circle of friends and associates who could afford to cough up a colossal sum of cash to buy into his one man real estate whirligig on West 11th Street in New Yorks' far West Village. Mister Schnabel's original intention was that the units at the Chupi would never be listed for sale on the open market and that the invitation only status would have New York's super-rich arty farty types bitch fighting for the opportunity to live up next to the artistic genius and shameless self promotion machine that is Mister Schnabel. But alas, even the best laid plans sometimes go awry, and as the always well informed property-philes at Curbed noted last week, the two remaining unsold units have hit the open market with ear piercing price tags of 27 and $32,000,000 respectively.

Before Mister Schnabel decided to offer the two remaining units to the great unwashed but filthy rich masses, he managed to convince some finance guy at Credit Suisse to spend a reported $15,500,000 to move into Schnabeltown, and he was successful at wooing the once smoking hot and still lovely to look at Richard Gere and his wifey Carey Lowell, who where without a Manhattan outpost after they sold their Greenwich Village townhouse in June of 2007 for $12,850,000.

There were all sorts rumors flying around that rock star and wannabe world saver Bono was going to vacate his Upper West Side aerie and move into the Chupi, but that rumor turned out to be just rumor after all. Then came the whispers and hush-hush scuttlebutt that ex-pat material mommy Madonna looked at the building. Your Mama is not surprised the ladee looked and we're even less surprised that she declined to purchase because big living Madge seems to prefer much larger digs than those available at the Chupi. Not only does the music mogul need to house her multi-culti family of five, she's also got to have enough space for the various staff people required to run errands, make phone calls, and answer the door, because you just know Miss Missy herself is not about to greet the Chinese food delivery guy at the front door with a twenty.

Anyhoo, if anyone were to ask Your Mama, which of course no one did, we think Mister Schnabel has some serious real estate cajones to be asking such big numbers for the two remaining units in the controversial Palazzo Chupi. Don't any of your moe-rons misunderstand Your Mama. We are on record as being an admirer of this cockamamie building with its quirky "Pompeii Red" exterior that looks like it's melting, and we giggle with glee over the wacky fenestration and the wonky articulation of the thing as it precariously balances itself like a drunk gurl doing the Sunday morning walk of shame on a pair of chunky platform heels.

Naturally, we love a sleek glass tower as much as the next urban sophisticate, but all new builds in New York simply can not (and should not) be Meier or Dubbeldam designed glass towers and quite frankly, it is just so damn refreshing to see a building that aggressively thumbs its nose at current architectural trend and in the process secures a funky foothold in the too often banal architectural landscape of New York. Have y'all seen the many under-whelming and intensely ordinary "luxury" apartment towers that now line Sixth Avenue in the Twenties? Yes, well, Your Mama would much rather look at the deranged Chupi-cabra on West 11th Street than one of those phallic monstrosities on Sixth Avenue any day of the week.
Amenities at the Chupi include access to the garden patio, private on-site parking (and excellent and rare luxury), and of course there is the indoor swimming pool and steam room. The world wants to know if clothing is required or optional in the pool and steam room areas or if residents can expect to see Mister Schnabel sweating it out in his all together and Your Mama wants to know if we could expect to see Mister Gere sitting in the steam room wearing nothing but his gorgeous grey hair.

But we digress. Currently two of the five units at the Chupi remain unsold, and according to listing information one is a duplex and the other is a triplex penthouse. Listing information for the duplex unit (pictured above) indicates it measures 3,850 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms and carries a stunning $27,000,000 asking price with $10,367 in monthly taxes and maintenance charges. Listing information also indicates that the unit includes a washer and dryer, a big ass fireplace, at least one balcony.

We don't L.O.V.E. the terra cotta tile floors but they have a certain Pablo Picasso-esque quality that makes them work in this building even if they would fail miserably in another. Check the fire hole that sits at the end of the tremendous soaking tub, which we imagine is nice for people who like to soak in a bathtub. It's unfortunate (and somewhat surprising) that the interior photos are not of better quality that would allow us eager beaver looky-loos to get a good long look at the the kitchen. We love the over size window and we're certain the appliances are top quality, but we're just not sure what to make of the dark cabinets and the green looking counters and back splash. We are definitely not loving the way it looks in that picture, but we'll reserve real judgment until we can get a better look.

Upstairs and according to listing information, the triplex penthouse (pictured above) measures 3,845 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms and carries a somewhat unlikely asking price of $32,000,000 with $9,268 in monthly taxes and maintenance charges. Mister Schnabel and his people have graciously included the juicy floor plan for the triplex with the listing. The floor plan reveals that the owner of the Chupi penthouse unit will be the proud owner of 4 balconies, two north facing sliver terraces and a whopping 1,300 square foot south facing terrace on the main floor that should make all New Yorkers who pine for just a tiny piece of outdoor space disturbingly jealous.

Despite the oxygen tank Your Mama would require to daily navigate all those stairs in the triplex, we are actually quite fond of the penthouse floor plan. We love the elevator opening to a huge French door and a small Juliette balcony in the entrance hall. We dig the large living room with its massive fireplace and access to that spectacular and bizarro black and white tiled terrace. We appreciate that the kitchen is large enough to cook comfortably and separate enough from the living room that we don't have to look at the dirty dishes while we settle in to an evening in front of the boob-tube. However, we are concerned about the serious lack of closet space. The children will note the paltry amount of closets in the third floor master bedroom and the total lack of built in closets in the secondary bedrooms. All due respect Mister S. but for $32,000,000, we want closets large enough to park our big BMW and still have room for our sneaker collection.

All the real estate gossip sit on pins and needles to find out just who might be interested in dumping around $30,000,000 for these condos and how long will it take in a market where you can still get a beautiful townhouse in the West Village or a massive co-operative apartment on Fifth and Park Avenues for the same price. And heaven forfend that Mister Schnabel will eat crow and (gasp) reduce the asking price for lack of qualified buyers willing to shell out more than $7,500 per square foot to shack up in the Chupi.

P.S. Your Mama thanks B.S. Beaverman for the assist on this one.