Hoo-righ-ah Who?

BUYER: Olena Franchuk
LOCATION: No. 17 Upper Phillimore Gardens, Kensington, London
PRICE: £80,000,000
SIZE: Big.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama predicts that in 36 hours or less no one will remember or even care whether Hourieh Peramam, the recent and alleged buyer of the gaudy Toprak Mansion, is an actual person or some kind of bizarre ploy for marketing the uglee-ass pile on The Bishop's Avenue in North London, because £41,000,000 is loose change for Olena Franchuk, the new and undisputed queen of hideously expensive London real estate.

Hold on to your Vivienne Westwood britches bitches because according to a report in the Daily Mail, the Ukrainian bizness woman and pal of Miss Sir Elton John is believed to have dumped a hair raising £80,000,000 on a huge detached house in the hoity toity Kensington area of South-West London. Yes, you read that correctly kids, that's £80,000,000, a breathtaking 158,756,800 clams to those of us across the pond in the good ol' U-nited States where a good New York City townhouse can still be snapped up for well under $50,000,000.

Contracts are reported to have been exchanged in the last few weeks and if the purchase is fully executed, the sale price of the 5 story house on Upper Phillimore Gardens will shatter the previous record high when Indian born steel baron Lakshmi Mittal forked over a stunning £67,000,000 for his 12 bedroom behemoth on heavily secured Kensington Palace Gardens.

Miz Franchuk's new digs have recently undergone a reported £10,000,000 overhaul which included installing an underground swimming pool, gym, sauna and private cinema. There are "at least" 10 bedrooms and a secure panic room, a feature that is becoming de rigueur in the lavish homes of the freakishly rich. Look closely and you can see the interior spaces appear to have been extended under the entire back garden and all the way to the mews cottage at the rear of the property, which is included in the sale. That's some serious and impressive engineering iffin we say so ourselves.

Miz Franchuk, a well known ladee among big money international philanthropic types, is the daughter of a former president of the Ukraine and the wife of 40-something billionaire bizness man and may-jor contemporary art collector Viktor Pinchuk.

Now puppies, Your Mama certainly has no problem with rich people living up in nice houses. Hell, we're rich and living up in nice houses. However, we do confess that in our little pea brain there's something unseemly and, frankly, vulgar about anyone paying $160,000,000 for a single house that is likely to be occupied, at most, only a few months of the year. We know Miz Franchuk and Mister Pinchuk pledge generously with their time and money to a myriad of charitable causes including AIDS education and research, and we credit them for their good works. But could they not have found a nice house for $60,000,000 and spent the other $100,000,000 curing cancer or feeding every starving child in the Ukraine for many years to come? Just a thought.

(Your Mama would like to thank the many people who forwarded up information and links to this story.)