Khandi's Khrib of Fours

SELLER: Khandi Alexander
LOCATION: Woodshill Trail, West Hollywood, CA
PRICE: reduced to $2,995,000 from $4,495,000
SIZE: 4,126, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Fabulous! Celebrity owned hip estate behind Chateau Marmont. Head on dramatic city views are just the bonus to this spectacular home. Soaring ceilings in every room, 5 fireplaces, walk-in closet, gym, library, office, pool, spa, and grassy side yard for dogs. 3 car garage, at the end of a cul-de-sac with tremendous privacy and security. This house is sunshine bright with a full on southern exposure. Completely redone. Just bring your toothbrush - property is sold furnished!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week, Your Mama floated a tidbit about CSI: Miami actress and buxom icon Khandi Alexander listing her home located up behind the Chateau Marmont Hotel, where rich and famous folks often gather for cocktails and adulterous rendezvous. Being the nervous and superstitious type that we are, Your Mama's big ol' ears pricked right up when we read through the listing and noted the repetition of the number four: 4 stories, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, 4,126 square feet with an asking price of $4,495,000. We don't have a clue what all those fours mean, but children, mark my words, that number 4 is significant. Some numerologist type should get on the horn quick and try to convince Miss Khandi to sell her khrib for $4,444,444.

Property records show that the dee-lishus Miss Khandi purchased her multi-floor khrib on itty bitty Woodshill Trail in the hills above Hollywood in January of 2006 for $2,850,000. Listing information indicates that in addition to the 4 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms, the "recently redone" house includes 5 fireplaces (too bad there's not just 4), a gym, library, office, a 3-car garage, (why not make room for 4?), a small grassy side yards for the canines, full on southern sun exposure, a swimming pool, spa, and soaring ceilings in every room. Which all sounds good...on paper.

When Miss Khandi's khrib first hit the market, no pictures were included for all us nosy real estate gossip types to pour over. Now there are. And Khandi gurl, we gotta say, we are not impressed. We just hope that you have done packed your flat irons and push up brassieres and already moved on because the photographs of your khrib look about as alive as the nursing home where they used to keep Your Mama's mama's poor old Aunt Velma.

Your Mama confesses: we luv us some Khandi Alexander and because of our undying affection for the bosomalicious babe and her flawless chi-chis, we are somewhat reluctant to speak ill about those upsetting and confusing faux cornerstones on the exterior that fail to give the place a "French" vibe, which is what we think they're supposed to do. We're also not sure we want to get into the entrance hall looking like an airport terminal in Kuwait, the dining room with it's wall of mirrors that force diners to watch all the masticating in visual stereo, and we certainly don't want to bring up the obvious danger of stepping out of that patio door after a half a dozen gin and tonics and falling di-rectly into the mini-pool.

For some unknown reason, the Miss Khandi's khrib is being sold furnished, which perplexes Your Mama but should please all lovers of fake suede and white rugs.

Here's what Your Mama wants to know...is there an elevator in this house? Because navigating four floors of residence without an elevator could easily get a little difficult unless you're one of those firm gluted exercise freaks that are so common around Los Angeles. The other thing we want to know is if a good pair of binoculars allow one to peer into the rooms of the Chateau Marmont? The ability would certain save on the cable bill because who needs reality TV when you can sit on the balcony and watch the sordid doings at the Marmont day and night?

Although we are not a big fan of this house, Your Mama sincerely wishes Miss Khandi much luck in selling her house and the furniture to someone who likes climbing stairs. And wherever she may land next, we sincerely hope she'll khool it on the fake suede and white rugs. Seriously gurl, give Your Mama a shout and we'll hook you up with a nice gay decorator that will rock your next khrib into the sensational celebrity hideaway you deserve.