Thursday, February 12, 2009

Ashton Kutcher Sells Bev Hills Bachelor Pad

SELLER: Ashton Kutcher
LOCATION: Suffolk Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,700,000
SIZE: 4,860 square feet, 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Private tennis court estate on a peaceful cul-de-sac in prime BHPO. Exquisite custom renovation in 2008, featuring a 2-story foyer and LR w/ FP, gourmet Thermador center island kitchen w/ banquette leading to huge FR with full bar and wine storage. Master suite with double limestone baths, double closets, vaulted ceiling and fireplace. Incredible grounds with pool, spa, tennis court, and putting green. Three car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Hush up babies, we know we are unfashionably late to the party on this celeb owned property which has already been discussed by both the L.A. Times and Mister Big Time. We're gonna weigh in anyway because we sorta like this cougar luvin' Ashton Kutcher fella who recently listed his Beverly Hills Post Office bachelor pad for $3,700,000

Before there was Demi and before he was clowning around making famous folks look like a bunch of damn fools on Punk'd, and way before he became a prolific and wildly rich reality tee-vee producer, Ashton Kutcher portrayed a high-lariously stupid and sexed up teenager on the boob-toob pot fest That 70s Show. Property records show that in May of 2001, during his long stint on That 70s Show, the one-time male model dumped $1,690,000 on a 4,860 square foot sorta-Tudar style house on sleepy Suffolk Drive in the Benedict Canyon area of the Beverly Hills Post Office.

His reality tee-vee credits include Miss Guided, Beauty and the Geek and that wretched True Beauty program where vain and allegedly "pretty" people compete to be the most beautiful of the sorry bunch. Young Mister Kutcher has also appeared in a number of goofy romantic comedies including What Happens in Vegas, My Boss's Daughter and the bone chillingly heinous cinematic gem Dude Where's My Car. Plus, he's a politically informed, active and articulate guy, which, quite frankly, is pretty damn hot.

Listing information reveals the gated and recently rehabbed residence sits at the tail end of a quiet cul-de-sac and includes 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. That's lot of terlits for a single guy. The floor and stair treads in the double height entrance hall have been laid with brick-like brown tiles and for some reason a silly suit of armor has been tucked into the curve of the curving stair case. Someone please tell Your Mama that Mister Kutcher did not call this metal piece of poo Jeeves or some other stoopid and stereotypical butler-ish name.

The double height ceilings continue into the living room which features a herringbone patterned wood floor, a giant half-wagon wheel like window over a bank of French doors and a corner fireplace with what unfortunately appears to be a massive mirror that stretches from the raw timber mantle all the way up to the ceiling, a decorative detail that is far too Bob Evans for Your Mama and the Dr. Cooters rather delicate sensibilities.

The large gore-may kitchen is all did up and done over in about 49 shades of beige and brown with a beige faux suede paint treatment and the same brown brick-like tiles on the floor as in the entrance hall. A large work island with granite counter tops is surrounded by eveb more granite counter tops and a full suite of Thermador brand appliances. A built in banquet anchors one corner of the room which opens to what listing information calls a "huge family room with full bar and wine storage," features that surely pleased any potential buyers with a penchant for the booze.

Another room, let's call it the "man's room," has a lot of built in mill work cabinetry, a bronze (and pressed tin looking) ceiling and a poker table and four bucket chair things that all looks like it's trying to be something out of a turn of the century gentleman's club. Although we would never devote an entire room to playing poker, if Your Mama's memory serves correct–and it very well may not–Mister Kutcher and several of the other cast members from That 70s Show were major card players back in the early 2000s when poker was all the rage among the Tinseltown set.

The commodious master suite includes high beamed ceiling, a second wood burning fireplace and a private balcony overlooking the back yard. Listing information also shows there are two dressing rooms and two limestone bathrooms, a deluxe convenience that ensures the mistress and master of the house need never shower, dress or evacuate in each others presence.

Although not particularly large, the back yard features a lighted and wind screen wrapped tennis court that also doubles as an outdoor basketball court for pick up games with famous friends. A simple rectangular swimming pool–heated we presume–includes a spa tucked into one corner and is surrounded by what may or may not be blue stone terracing. Although we appreciate the structure that sits between the pool and the tennis court for providing some shade from the scorching southern California sunshine, we're rather disappointed with the execution. Lattice? Really?

As noted by Mister Big Time, this is the very house where back in 2001, a much younger and pre-Demi Mister Kutcher claims he caught those naughty Bush gurls Jenna and Whatshername smoking the wacky tabacky with one of his friends. The White House refused comment, natch, and Mister Kutcher has stuck to his story. Perhaps they didn't inhale?

Information we received from Madam Butterfly shows the house went into escrow just 5 days after being listed on the MLS. However, we suspect (but can not confirm) that the house was quietly shopped around off market for some period of time and was stuck up on the MLS once it looked like a hot buyer had walked through the door.

Previous to living up in the Bev Hills P.O., property records show Mister Kutcher owned a much more modest four bedroom house on N. Vista Street in Hollywood. Or maybe that's West Hollywood. Whatever the case, just down the hill from Runyan Canyon. Now, of course, the Kabbalah devotee shacks up in a gorgeous contemporary crib on celebrity lined Oak Pass Road in the Beverly Hills Post Office with his much older ladee friend Demi Moore and her trio of wanna be famous children Rumor, Tallulah and Scout. Okay. Your Mama doesn't really know if they all want to be famous, but that Rumor one sure does and she is working her nepotistic shit six ways from sideways. For better or worse, it seems to be working.

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