Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Jane Fonda Lists Atlanta Loft

SELLER: Jane Fonda
PRICE: $4,500,000 or $10,000/month
SIZE: 4,700 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week Your Mama discussed some recent real estate news about icon, actress, activist and disturbingly prolific fitness video maker Jane Fonda. We blathered on about how the two time Oscar winning Miz Fonda looked at every for sale apartment in the star studded Sierra Towers building in Los Angeles before finally settling on a rental...a 1 bedroom and 1.5 pooper rental. A 1 bedroom rental seems a little downmarket for the ex-wife of a billionaire, but if we've said it once Your Mama has said it a thousand times: Who are we to question or comprehend the real estate ways of the rich and famous.

Now word comes slipping and sliding down the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine that Miz Fonda Vadim Hayden Turner has hoisted her Atlanta loft on the market with an asking price of $4,500,000. She's also put the place out for lease at $10,000 per month. We first heard about this two days ago from Blanca Blurtsitout and over the last couple of days so many children in Atlanta, including Georgia Peach, Anita Tellyousomething, and Candi With An I, have been kind and sweet enough to also fill Your Mama in on this real estate event.

Miz Fonda–an outspoken and controversial broad who is a bona fide Hollywood royal–has occupied her Hotlanta loft since she split from billionaire media tycoon Ted Turner in the year 2000. As best as Your Mama can suss and surmise based on dribs and drabs forwarded by various children and listing information provided by Blanca Blurtsitout, the approximately 4,700 square foot duplex digs were fashioned by joining four adjacent lofts in a mid-rise condo building in the Poncey-Highland area of Atlanta. The west facing crib has, according to listing information, 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers, 2 fireplaces, underground parking for 4 cars, and 2 balconies.

The loft is entered through a quilted stainless steel door that opens to the entrance hall. Barbarella, who has posted bazillions of juicy photos of her loft on her blog, says of her mauvish-fleshy colored entrance hall with its undulating walls, "To me it is a womb with a narrow birth channel and then you enter the wide open sunny loft to be born again." Uhm. Jane. Darling. Hunny. No. If you want top dollar for your big ol' condo in Hotlanta–and we imagine you do because you've slapped a huge number on it–Your Mama does not recommend comparing your foyer to intimate ladee parts.

After getting through the birth canal, one enters the main living area, a somewhat narrow but expansive, double height space with painted (or maybe stained) concrete floors and giant windows that suck up the sunset views. The vast room is divided into the three areas: At one end, a white sofa faces a fireplace surrounded by a soaring stack of bookshelves filled with actual books; In the middle, two armless white sofas face each other like a decorative Mexican stand off with some sort of totem statue thing acting as referee; At the other end, a dining area has two Indonesian looking tables that have been shoved together and encircled with swoopy white leather chairs. On the wall behind the dining room table hang 8 multi-colored Andy Warhol screen prints of Lady Jayne herself. Listen chickens, if Miss Warhol had painted Your Mama we certainly would have no qualms about hanging one of them suckers up in the powder pooper or maybe in the hallway, but eight of them damn things up on the wall all together just feels, sorry Janie hunny, more than a little narcissistic.

Anyoo, the kitchen, separated from the dining room by a pair of glass doors, is a well equipped but somewhat claustrophobic and windowless space with white and stainless steel cabinetry, granite counter tops, four stainless steel saddle style stools, double ovens and what looks to be a picture of Christ.

A curving staircase follows the outside wall of Miz Fonda's womb-like entrance hall and climbs to a large landing lit by a circular skylight. Miz Fonda's private quarters include a pooper, dressing room, a fireplace with a, uhm, u-neek glass surround, and an a bed with bedazzled linens and a oval-shaped canopy with wood tassels. According to Miz Fonda's blog, there's a mirror tucked up there in that oval shaped canopy. Your Mama thinks that's one of the ass-ugliest beds we have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on but we gotta hand it to the sexy senior citizen: There's only one reason Your Mama can think of that a person might want a mirror mounted di-rectly above their bed and to that we say, "Go Jane, Go!"

Iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we'd say that we are, for all intents and purposes, completely ignorant of property valuations in and around Atlanta. But we are adept at tapping our fingers on the keyboard of our trusty laptop computer and a little looky loo around the interweb shows that there are at least 4 other units in Miz Fonda's former building on the market with asking prices ranging from $165,000 to $299,900 for a 2-story, 2 bedroom, 2 pooper top floor unit with 18-foot ceilings, polished concrete floors and a private balcony. We realize that Miz Fonda's digs are at least 4 times the size of one of those other for sale units but it's also priced 15 times more than the next most expensive unit. Hmm.We'll let out Atlanta based real estate experts duke that one out.

Miz Fonda stated on her blog that part of the reason she's decamping to the west coast is because she wants to make more movies. Well, good for her. Plus she's "in a loving relationship" with L.A. based music producer Richard Perry. Your Mama thinks, based on our internet research, that Mister Perry lives in house in the lower Bird Streets that's conveniently just a hope skip and short chauffeur driven ride from Sierra Towers. Miz Fonda also owns Forked Lightening Ranch, an approximately 2,000 (or maybe 3,000) acre spread near Pecos, New Mexico.

photos: Nathan Martin

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