Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Let's Talk About Ashley Olsen For A Moment

By now all the children know all about the modest little Hancock Park adjacent home that mogulette Ashley Olsen recently purchased for $1,575,000. (All you Hancock Park boundary snobs please note the "adjacent.")

However, Your Mama has lately received dozens of emails and contacts about Little Miss Ashley Olson also buying a humongous house in Malee-boo. The real estate related gossip started to churn when the teeny tiny tycoon was photographed (see below) outside a not yet completed and monolithic mansion on the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean.
But it just didn't make sense to us. So, being the no-zee bitch we are, Your Mama got on the horn to pick the brains of a few folks in our vast spider web of contacts. We emailed Mighty Mouse in Malee-boo, we contacted Jim Nasium, who knows a lot about a lot of things, we touched base with Mirakle Mike and we grilled the always well informed Lucy Spillerguts.

We combed the sold properties, we looked at aerial maps and we poured over the assessor records for Malee-boo. For quite some time we came up empty handed. Then it all shimmered into view. We're not ashamed to say that it was not Your Mama who located the exact property at which Little Miss Olsen was photographed, but rather one of our newer tipsters who we call The K-Man who pointed us in the right direction.

So here's what we know: The house at which the itsy bitsy high heeled fashion bug was photographed appears to be the old Mark Hughes mansion located way up the Pacific Coast Highway, beyond the Robert Meyer State beach, and near the ocean front compound owned by Madame Cindy Crawford and the palatial, royalty worthy Michael Eisner beach pad. Y'all know who Mark Hughes was, right? He was the four times married and fantastically rich founder of Herbalife who died in 2000 at the tender age of 44 from what was reported as an accidental overdose of prescription anti-depressants and large amounts of alcohol. In fact he died in the master bedroom of his Malee-boo monster mansion.

Property records show that in December of 1999 the perfectly coiffed and usually tan and blinged out Mister Hughes had paid a record breaking $27,000,000 for the 19,340 square foot house. Mister Hughes purchased the house from the widow Verna Harrah, a former cocktail waitress who acquired a considerable fortune when her hotel and casino magnate mate William Harrah passed over. Sadly, shortly after buying the gargantuan house, Mister Hughes met his big diet supplement supplier in the sky in the master bedroom of his Malee-boo manse, and property records reveal the house was next sold off to big time venture capitalist Howard Marks and his wifey Nancy. Since buying the property, they have embarked on a total gut renovation which has maintained the basic shape of the original house but completely altered the style and articulation of the facades.

Mighty Mouse in Malee-boo told Your Mama that he's heard, but can not confirm, that the place was going to be used as a corporate retreat and given it's multi acre parcel with hundreds of feet of beach frontage, the property would likely be valued in the $80,000,000 range. So while the usage of the property seems to be in question, what is not, at least according to current and accurate property records, is that mega-moneyed mini mogulette Ashley Olsen has not purchased this house.

And really, think about it kids, neither of the Olsen gurls seem the type to buy a monstrous and ridiculously expensive estate like this. A look at their real estate history shows they prefer to shack up in more low-key and modest digs. Yes, they did share Hal Levitt designed digs in Bel Air, and they are trying to unload that big place in the ass uglee Kostas Kondylis designed Morton Square in New York, but they intended to share that place too while they attended NYU (a folly they've both since given up).

If we're being honest, Your Mama does not know about all the properties these pint sized and filthy rich gurls own and/or lease. What we do know is that fashion risk taker Mary Kate leases a private but modest house in the Bird Streets in LA as well as a loft on Mercer Steet in New York's former artist 'hood SoHo. Previous to her recent purchase of a small house in Hancock Park (adjacent), Miss Ashley leased a not so big Nichols Canyon abode, and we think she's got a place she leases in the West Village in NYC, but don't quote us on that. According to Mighty Mouse, the teensy power players together leased a tiny house on Escondido Beach in Malibu last summer. There are undoubtedly other places in the mix that Your Mama doesn't know anything about. And certainly all that real estate costs a fortune to own, lease and maintain. But given these chicklets behemoth bank accounts, they could certainly afford much more expensive and lavish properties to crash and store their vast collections of Balenciaga boots and vintage furs.

So what was Miss Ashley Olsen and her big black Geländewagon doing at that big ass estate in The Boo-Boo? Who knows? But if Miss Olsen or any of her people would like to clue your Mama in, on or off the record, be sure to give us a ringy-dingy.

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