Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Real Estate Tale of the Quarterback and the Supermodel

BUYER: Tom Brady
LOCATION: Chalon Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $11,750,000
SIZE: 3.6 acres of dirt

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Lest any of the children have forgotten, superstar quarterback Tom Brady and his Brazilian born supermodel gurly friend Giselle Bundchen are super rich. So rich, in fact, that the pulchritudinous pair buy and sell real estate like they're playing with Monopoly money. Which they sorta are when you consider that 31-year old Mister Brady earns well over $6,000,000 a year tossing an oblong ball for the New England Partriots–not to mention millions more in endorsement deals–and 28 year old Miss Bundchen reportedly earned a mind numbing $35,000,000 last year making her the highest paid moe-dell ever. And to think that gorgeous Linda Evangelista used to brag about not getting out of bed for anything less than ten grand. Pfuff!

Anyhoo, the comely couple's latest property acquisition is reported to be a 3.6 acre piece of dirt located in the very expensive guard gated Brentwood Country Estates, which happens to be where governator Arnold Schwarzenegger shacks up when he's not up in Sacramento trying to get the damn budget passed. Your Mama will have more on that prime piece of property later, but first let's have a look-see at some of the good looking and deep pocketed couple's other recent real estate transactions.

Miz Bundchen, a dee-lishusly curvy but still seriously skinny size 2 (okay, maybe she's a 4 when she's bloated) who is probably best known for marching down the Victoria's Secret runway in her skivvies with absurdly giant angel wings strapped to her back, sold her house on Devlin Drive in the hills above Hollywood last year for $3,980,000. Soon after she also changed Noo York City addresses when she decamped from her West 11th Street penthouse triplex to a townhouse in the formerly boho West Village where Miss Mannequin lined up all her Louboutins and Lanvins and had her new boy beau Tom Brady move in too. This was after he dumped his then pregnant baby momma Bridget Moynahan and before Miss Single Mommy responded in kind by giving her boy child her last name and not the Brady surname. Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Meanwhile, back when Mister Brady was still dating that poor Miss Moynahan, he bought an approximately 3,000 square foot apartment in the north tower of the insanely expensive Time Warner Center in order to be closer to a not yet preggers and New York based Miss Moynahan. When he unexpectedly learned he was to be a baby daddy Mister Brady unceremoniously threw Miss With Child over the rail for the hot Brazilian bra model and very quickly put his three bedroom and 3.5 bathroom love nest back on the market with a $16,500,000 asking price. There's a lesson in this sordid brouhaha about the importance and necessity of birth control, but that's really another discussion for another day, isn't it?

Mister Brady had a tough time unloading his 70th floor spread at the Time Warner so he reportedly leased it out to a filthy rich financier at sixty grand. Per month, children, per month. His temporary tenant must have moved out recently because the apartment is back on the market with a new and much higher asking price of $18,290,000. Although it ain't been easy to sell the Time Warner digs, the cleat clad pigskin passer had better luck off loading his high-class condo in the dee-voonly detailed Burrage Mansion located in Boston's Back Bay which he sold in early 2008 $5,285,000.

Unfortunately Miss Bundchen hasn't had such good luck selling her above mentioned triplex penthouse on Manhattan's West 11th Street. First she put the 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom building topper out for lease at $29,000 a month and then slapped it on the market with an absurd and rather insulting asking price of $10,900,000. Without any buyers flocking to scoop up Miss Bundchen's over-priced aerie, the Hudson river view condo was taken off the market. It recently reappeared with a much more believable and far less consternation producing $5,900,000 asking price.

Are the children still with Your Mama because we're fi-nuh-lee getting to the new stuff.

Thanks to several of Your Mama's Boston babies, we learned from the good people at (via gossip juggernaut TMZ), Mister Brady recently forked over $11,000,000 for the last undeveloped and buildable lot in the Brentwood Country Estates where boob toob super producer Kevin Bright (Friends, Joey) owns a 10,000+ square foot house next door to the five acre Schwarzenegger/Shriver spread on a guard gated section of Chalon Road.

According to listing information provided to Your Mama by Our Fairy Godmother in Brentwood, Mister Brady paid $11,750,000 for a 3.6 acre plot of prime Brentwood property that includes a 1.6 acre flat pad and lovely canyon and ocean views. Although TMZ claimed Mister Brady declined the plans for the approved 20,000 square foot mansion because it was not big enough, listing information actually says the approvals are for an 11,500 square foot Mediterranean style home designed by an award winning architect. Not sure why that discrepancy in square footage, but we have a hard time believing that Mister Brady wants a house that's as large as either of those numbers.

Call Your Mama a real estate cynic, but we sniffsan investment and not a new home for Mister Brady and the wildly rich super model. So in two years when there's a brand spanking new and never lived in 14,000 square foot mansion sitting on this lovely lot with and asking price of $22,000,000 or more, the children will recall that we called this one like a damn professional real estate referee. And what if in two years Miss Bundchen is livin' up in Brentwood pushing out baby Bradys? Well children, it would not be the first or last time Your Mama was wrong about the residential machinations of rich and famous folks, would it?

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