Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Mike Piazza's TriBeCa Bullpen on the Block

SELLER: Mike Piazza

LOCATION: Hudson Street, New York, NY

PRICE: $6,800,000

SIZE: 3,012 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

DESCRIPTION: Featured in Elle D├ęcor, this large, light-filled duplex was designed for entertaining. With large formal area, three outdoor spaces and easy flow, this loft is the perfect setting for everything from intimate barbecues to large-scale parties. Custom-designed by renowned architects Stas Zakrzewshi and Marianne Hyde, the white and bright space features narrow plank, long length American walnut floors...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows we're a little late to the rodeo on this one since it's already been reported in every New York based celebrity real estate column. However, our fine and foul mouthed friend Fiona Trambeau would julienne Your Mama's fat ass like it was a damn carrot stick if we did not also discuss recently retired professional ball player (and former Met) Mike Piazza's Manhattan doo-plex that recently appeared for sale with an asking price of $6,800,000. (This listing has since disappeared which would seem to indicate it's either listed on the down-low or it's already got a deal.)

Although she will deny it with every shallow Kool Menthol breath she has left in her beleaguered bah-dee, if there is anything that athletics luvin' Miz Trambeau is more obsessed with than balls, it's Mister Mike Piazza's balls. See children, despite his seemingly happy marriage to a priddy Playboy playmate and Baywatch babe named Alicia Rickter who recently pushed a Piazza papoose through her baby maker, Miz Trambeau is one of the many who will not let go of all the lurid rumor and gossip about Mister Piazza's alleged (and denied) predilection for the sexual company of men. We know nuthin' and aren't inferring or insinuating anything, we're just sayin' those rumors are out there and for better or worse, Fiona believes them.

Anyhoo, ever since 2005 when the hard ball catcher filed for free agency and effectively ended his ball playing career with the New York Mets, every baseball fanatic and real estate gossip in Noo York City has been sitting on pins and needles wondering if the well regarded, often gossiped about and much ballyhooed ball player would give up his penthouse real estate stake in the trendy (and extremely expensive) TriBeCa neighborhood.

Property records and recent reports reveal that Mister Piazza purchased his prime penthouse on the 8th and 9th floors of his Hudson street building in November of 2004 for $4,215,874 Records and listing information show the dee-voon doo-plex measures a modest 3,012 square feet. In addition to the 2 big bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, the long and narrow nest includes a living room with a built in media center and fireplace, a too narrow dining room that unfortunately does double duty as the entrance hall, a compact but well equipped stainless steel kitchen that would have our house gurl Svetlana screaming with conniptions, a study/home office that is really nothing more than a wide hallway leading to the first floor bedroom where there is not a solid wall to be found to place an actual bed.

But children, even with all its obvious floor plan flaws Your Mama is giddy and goose pimpled with glee about Mister Piazza's pad. First of all, we recognize that the narrowness of the center section is dictated by the size and shape of the building itself and there's little that can be done with that thin bizness except make sweet lemonade from the building's architectural lemons. Which is, we think, exactly what the clever architects did with Mister Piazza's penthouse. They opened up the ceiling above the dining room space to harness light and give the super slim room some high-drama, they added an impressive but somewhat scary looking glass bridge leading to the largest entertainment terrace that includes a built in barbecue for summer time chillin' and grillin', they very smartly cut away at the back corner of the second floor creating a spectacular and perfectly private garden off the master bedroom and they had the good sense to tuck away and virtually hide the first floor services, which include a pantry, washer and dryer, half bathroom and a wine vault. Although they give Your Mama (and Svetlana) heart palpitations, we're gonna give the difficult to keep fingerprint free stainless steel kitchen a pass because that shiny stuff was all the kitchen design rage when this nearly perfect penthouse was put together in 2004.

A few other features that have Your Mama swooning and hyperventilating with dee-lite are the amazing (and costly) long length American walnut floors, the custom floor to ceiling windows and the peek-aboo opening in the wall opposite the master bathroom shower which allowed Mister Piazza to lather up his nood body in private and still catch a glimpse of the lower Manhattan skyline. Our one concern with the master bedroom is the apparent lack of closet space. However, there does appear to be a stair in the back of the small walk in that leads to somewhere. (Anyone know where?) Your Mama can only hope it leads up to a closet large enough to fit all of Mister Piazza's uniforms and leather chaps. We tease.

Mister and Missus Piazza are in the midst of a real estate whirlwind having recently listed his 3,300 square foot South Beach bachelor pad for $4,900,000 and picked up a more family friendly $10,000,000 Miami mansion which reportedly measures 9,600 square feet with 8 bedrooms and 100 feet of waterfront.

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