Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Live Like Goldie Hawn in Malibu

OWNER: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell
LOCATION: Broad Beach Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $95,000/month
SIZE: 4,195 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Absolutely the prettiest lease available. Beautiful Balinese inspired home on deep sandy dunes, with gated entry. Oceanfront master bedroom suite with awe inspiring views, 2 large guest suites, office, sexy media room, and open kitchen living area overlooking oceanfront patio with intimate fireplace/gathering area and bar b que. Detached guest house with gym, kitchen and meditation room. NO PETS PLEASE...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Summers is a-coming children so we hope you've lined up your Malee-boo rental for the season. Oceanfront rentals in this playground for the rich and famous are notoriously expensive and this one on Broad Beach Road, owned by Goldie Hawn, the world's smartest dumb blond, is no exception.

Your Mama is not the least bit sur-prized that this ditzy brainiac who is married to super hunk Kurt Russell would have a "Balinese inspired" house on one of the finest and most desirable Malee-boo beaches. Right? And a meditation room. Of course. Because this lady needs all the relaxation she can get to keep a level head in the topsy-turvy world of Hollywood studios who prefer big stars not age past 40 and to help tune out the on again / off again tabloid love affair of her lovely daughter/look-a-like Kate Hudson and the pursed lipped hottie Owen Wilson.

Miss Goldie and Kurtstud have owned this little slice of Balinese heaven in Malee-boo since at least the late 1980s according to property records. The common law couple's primary residence is only down the road a piece in Pacific Palisades where in 2004 they purchased a modest house at 1417 Capri Drive that has 5,075 square feet. Property records show they Hollywood superstars paid $4,124,590 for the 5 bedroom and 5 bathroom house.

Your Mama recalls from somewhere deep in the recesses of our failing mind that the couple actually own more than one property in The Palisades and that they let Kate live in one of them following her separation from Black Crow Chris Robinson. At one point, the couple owned the house directly across the street at 1422 Capri Drive, but it appears they sold that 12,860 square foot behemoth in 2004 for well over $10,000,000. So it's really unclear to us who actually occupies the house at 1417 Capri Drive.

In addition to an apartment in New York and a big house in Snowmass, the couple owns a 5,722 square foot, 4 bedroom, 5.5 bathroom getaway at the Bighorn Golf Club in ritzy Palm Desert near Palm Springs which they built after purchasing the lot in 1999 for $625,000.

But what Your Mama wants to know is why the couple will not allow pets at their Malee-boo retreat? We're sorry, but if we are paying $95,000 a month for a house we do not want to be forced to sneak our bitches Linda and Beverly inside the house. And y'all know that's exactly what we'd do too, squirrel those bitches into the house inside our beat up Louis Vuitton cases.

Before we sign off and head out into the screaming desert heat of Palm Springs where we are vacationing at The Parker, we would like to state for the record that Your Mama L.O.V.E.S. Miss Goldie Hawn. We like her in good movies like Overboard and bad movies like The First Wives Club. Your Mama thinks this bitch has worked her funny ass off in Hollywood and it is our very humble opinion that she deserves whatever Hollywood pedestal onto which she can climb up.

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