Friday, November 21, 2008

Nic Cage Is At It. Again.

SELLER: Nicholas Cage
LOCATION: Fifth Avenue, New York, NY
PRICE: $9,750,000
SIZE: 3,550 square feet, 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: L.A. glamour in the heart of Gotham City. These two adjacent, dramatic and rarely available apartments with internal access to one another are located on a high floor with sweeping and breathtaking views of all of Manhattan. The apartments benefit from unparalleled views and flair–this is the way New York should be seen....

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Jeezis, Mary and Jehoshaphat we are getting so damn sick and tahrd of discussing the capricious and constant real estate machinations of Oscar winning property maven Nicholas Cage. Not only is the hairific actor attempting to lighten his real estate load by selling his huge house in Bel Air (recently price chopped from $29,999,000 to $24,950,000), he's also recently listed a private island in the Bahamas, one of his two houses in New Orleans, a resplendent residence in Rhode Island, an ass uglee mansion in Las Vegas, and last week he foisted his New York City pied a terre on to the market with an asking price $9,750,000.

However, after just a few short hours on the open market, the listing for the 48th floor spread high above Fifth Avenue was unceremoniously yanked and mysteriously marked "temporarily" off the market on the always informative StreetEasy listing service. Not sure if this means Mister Cage decided not to sell, if someone jumped the gun by putting the listing online or if it's just an attempt to put the kibosh on all the tongue wagging by the real estate gossips. Uh oh. Too late.

Anyhoo, property records and recent reports reveal that Mister Cage purchased two adjacent units on the 48th floor of the Olympic Tower in 2004 and 2005 for a combined price of $5,500,000. Together, according to listing information, the apartments measure approximately 3,550 square feet and include 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms.

The teeny tiny photographs we were able to locate show a corner living room wrapped in vertigo inducing floor to ceiling glass that turns Manhattan into a glittering carpet of lights below. We are not sure who does the day-core of all Mister Cage's many mansions, but in this case we are rather unimpressed. Yes, we do dig the twin Eames loungers which provide a perfect place for cat napping, perusing the tabs, peering out over the city and/or letting a big gin and tonic slowly seep into the blood stream. However, we're concerned about that rug which looks far too much like the pelt of our perfidious pussy Sugar for our comfort. Besides, how ever does one vacuum that thing? More disruptive to our equilibrium is that crazy track lighting bending, swooping and swirling all across the damn ceiling. For what it's worth, and it ain't worth nuthin', A couple of striking floor lamps and a stoopidly modern or aggressively organic chandelier over the dining room table would have been much more preferable to Your Mama.

The Olympic Tower, sheathed in a curtain of brown tinted glass, has long housed rich and powerful people since it was built in 1976 by Aristotle Onassis as a mixed use building with high profile retail space on the ground floor, (approx.) 20 floors of office space and 29 floors of luxury condos above. Previous residents have included any number of foreign dignitaries whose wives appreciated its proximity to Bergdorf Goodman, the Gucci family who owned an 18-room doo-plex, Pink Floyd front man Roger Waters, and billionaire arms-dealer Adnan Khashoggi who famously had a 16' long swimming pool installed in his large and lavish doo-plex apartment after the building was completed, an expensive feat of engineering if there ever was one.

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