Monday, March 9, 2009

Lease Jesse McCartney's Hollywood Hills House

OWNER: Jesse McCartney
LOCATION: La Granada Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $4,900 / month
SIZE: 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Open flr plan w/ lots of windows & French doors provide a natural bright environment. Maple hardwd flrs enrich this modern masterpiece. New baths. Each BR has own BA. Kitchen opens to living ara w/ premium ss appliances & a generous island for cooking & entertaining. SEXY backyrd w/ custom spa w/ waterfall & cyn views, fire pit & luxurious outdr lounge seating...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Former boy bander and soap opera actor Jesse McCartney has put his house in the Hollywood Hills up for lease with an asking price of $4,900 per month.

Your Mama would never have picked this property up if it weren't for Big Dave who pointed our beady little eyes in its direction. Since we knew next to nothing about this Jesse McCartney person, we took to the internets and learned his solo and third records went platinum, that he writes songs, has appeared in a fair number of films and television programs and has big dreams of being an actor, producer and director. All this from an ambitious and boyish looking 21 year old with a crooked smile, unnaturally white teeth and highlighted hair. Okay, it looks maybe like Mister McCartney has gotten rid of the Kenneth Brown style coiffure, but he was rocking that hair-don't for a looong time.

Although he was once linked to veneer-tastic entertainer Hilary Duff and then for a long time to some young blondie named Katie Cassidy, our quick cruise around the internets looking for 411 on young Mister McCartney also turned up a number of reports that he recently dated (or "dated") some bisexual singer named Aubrey O'Day who apparently prefers not to label herself a bisexual and who is apparently famous for being in some group Your Mama has never heard of called Danity Kane and, among other slightly more dignified endeavors, for baring her double-D chee-chees in Playboy. Mister McCartney now appears to be hooked up with young actress Hayden Panetierre and is even rumored to be responsible for her busting up with her previous, nearly old enough to be her daddy boyfriend, Milo Ventimiglia. Oh, what a tangled and tawdry web young Hollywood weaves...

Anyhoo, we digress. Property records indicate Mister McCartney picked up his Hollywood Hills hideout in May of 2007 for $1,076,000. Property records also reveal that Mister McCartney's crib measures 1,600 square feet, a size we find perfectly appropriate for a semi-successful young man barely old enough to imbibe booze legally.

As do many houses that line the narrow, twisting and sometimes dangerous to drive streets in the Hollywood Hills, Mister McCartney's house sits right up on the road, a situation that we're sure some of the children will find reprehensible and inexcusable while others with a penchant for living in the hills will understand is completely normal and nothing to sweat about. After all, it's not like there's ever bumper to bumper traffic on La Granada Drive.

Listen children, as blurry from booze as our vision may be, Your Mama has eyeballs just like every body else and we can well see that Mister McCartney's house lacks any real architectural interest or joie de vivre. But before y'all get your panties stuck up in your cracks about the rather insignificant facade, please try to keep in mind that not all "contemporary" houses can be Launters or Koenigs and not every homeowner has the inclination or financial wherewithal to turn an oyster into a pearl. Okay?

Therefore Your Mama actually appreciates that Mister McCartney and his his nice gay decorator painted the exterior a flat charcoal color which almost (but not completely) deadens the unnerving effect of the wonky window placement. We also acknowledge the decision to paint the stair treads red was a good one as it gives a needed jumpy pop of color and further helps to draw attention away from the window situation. However, as much as we like the charcoal paint and the red stairs, we absolutely loathe the tile work around the front door. There's a rule in fashion that applies to ladees who tend to over-jewel and over-accessorize: After getting dressed, look in the mirror and remove at least one item because too much decoration is simply too much decoration. We would have like to have seen the nice gay decorator apply the same rule and restraint with that front entrance.

Although the house appears to be a single story dwelling sitting atop a two car garage, it's actually a split level situation. The front entry is flanked by the home's two bedrooms each of which, according listing information, has it's own private pooper, a set up the Dr. Cooter (who is a bit pee shy) appreciates more than we could ever express.

Up about half a flight of stairs is the main living space comprised of a maple floored living, dining and kitchen area that opens to the back yard and has a row of clerestory windows to harness ambient light from the east facing front side of the house. The living room, painted a pretty but slightly too retro shade of blue for our personal taste, features a flat screen tee-vee mounted above the fireplace (natch) and a small but comfortable looking seating set up with a large linen covered, cozy looking sectional sofa and a pea green colored Eero Saarinen Womb Chair and Ottoman which are expensive, trés trendy with mid-century modern types, and quite comfortable.

In between the living room and the pint-sized but well equipped kitchen is a dining area with a round, marble topped Saarinen table surrounded by four wire Bertoia chairs with faboo orange cushions. (Your Mama loves almost anything orange). The kitchen has been fitted with white cabinetry, a back splash done in triangular tiles in various shades of avocado green, stainless steel appliances including double ovens (a real feat in a kitchen this small), and a large work island which is really what keeps this wee kitchen from being almost non-functional for more than brewing coffee or a fixing light snack.

The easy maintenance and drought tolerant backyard features gravel instead of grass (which we like), a built in fire pit (which we could care less about), an elevated spa (which the Dr. Cooter would love) and a couple of outdoor lounging beds which look very comfortable but are a little boo-teek hotel for our liking. We'd much rather one of the concrete pads on which the bed whoozy-goozies are sitting have a table and chairs for outdoor dining and the other two clean lined loungers like those that can be bought here with a small drink table and giant umbrella in between.

We can understand why Mister McCartney might not choose to sell his house in this turbulent real estate climate because, as nice as some of the renovations to this house may be, we sorta doubt he could get what he paid for the place. However, we're always surprised when a famous (or quasi famous) person like Mister McCartney chooses to lease his or her home. We can certainly understand wanting the income to off-set the mortgage, but one would think they'd prefer to keep their private quarters, well, private. Whatever the case, this house is up for short term grabs and we're sure it will make a comfortable Los Angeles landing pad from some young actor or actress in town to make a movie. Shoot, with a few tweaks here and there, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter, who do not want or require a large home to be comfortable, could be happy as clams up in Mister McCartney's crib, despite the window issue on the front facade.

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