Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jason Kidd Gets a New Krib in the AZ

BUYER: Jason Kidd
LOCATION: N. Casa Blanca Drive, Paradise Valley, AZ
PRICE: $5,948,000
SIZE: 11,585 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 14 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Totally private and at last something completely different! This superb gated estate is approached through a long tree lined driveway hidden from the street. The courtyard is dominated by a magnificent statuary fountain complementing the grandeur of the entry. The quality & attention to detail is stunning. The study/library is beautifully wood paneled from ceiling to floor. Floors are alderwood & travertine. Master suite provides the ultimate in a luxurious hideaway. Oppulence abounds throughout from ceiling frescoes to crystal chandeliers-all lighting if of vintage quality. Sensational basement rec room & wet bar w/ sensational home theatre.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Way back on the third of September Your Mama heard from a dame named Desert Donna who snitched that a professional basketball player named Jason Kidd had snatched up a house in posh Paradise Valley, AZ for $5,948,000. As so many things do, the information went in one eyeball out the other until this morning when bright eyed, bushy tailed and booze free we cruised around our trusty laptop computer and found the little folder where we stuck all the 411 on Mister Kidd's new Arizona krib.

Of course, Your Mama does not know a basketball from a drill bit so we took to the interweb in order to sort out who this Jason Kidd person is and to be able to speak on him with some authority, or at least accuracy. According to our research, Mister Kidd currently plays point guard–whatever that is–for a team called the Dallas Mavericks. He must be pretty damn good because in January of 2009 the powers that be at the Mavericks gave Mister Kidd a lucrative three year deal worth more than $25,000,000. That, chickens, is after a 6 year, $99,000,000 deal with the New Jersey Nets. Have mercy, children. Who knew you could make so much cheddar wearing gym clothes and bouncing a little orange ball on some glossy hardwood flooring? Anyhoo, Your Mama also discovered that while his professional life is on track, his personal life is a bit of a mess. Way back in 2001 Mister Kidd was busted for smacking around the Missus Kidd, a ladee named Joumana. The couple–who have three kidds–subsequently reconciled and later filed for dee-vorce amid salacious claims of adultery, domestic abuse and false domestic abuse claims. Isn't love grand? Your Mama does not know nor do we care if Mister and Missus Kidd finalized their dee-vorce but we did figure out that Mister Kidd made a baby out of wedlock with a model-gurl who popped our Mister Kidd's fourth kid in the fall of 2008. We do not know nor do we care what the status of that relationship is but if not Your Mama hopes he's making his child support.

Property records agree with the information sent by Desert Donna that reveals Mister Kidd closed on the single story N. Casa Blanca Drive domicile in late August of 2009. Listing information we ferreted out indicates the Mediterranean manse sits on 1.9 acres and sprawls across 11,585 square feet that encompasses 6 bedrooms and an astonishing 14 poopers. Either Mister Kidd's new baby momma is going to be beaver bizzy changing diapers and cleaning terlits day in and day out or the professional dribbler will need a full time minimum wage gurl whose sole responsibility will be to scrub and polish poopers.

Approached down a long, tree-lined and ruler straight driveway that terminates in a motor court that circles around what listing information calls a, "magnificent statuary fountain," the main house is entered through a heavily carved stone doorway with twisty columns. The entry spills directly into the voluminous living room with a barrel vaulted ceiling with a ceiling fresco, a carved stone mantel and a wall of windows that open to the rear courtyard and swimming pool. A long, spine-like colonnade with a travertine floor bisects the entrance hall and connects the family rooms at one of the house with the private quarters at the other. In between are the public rooms that in addition to the formal living room include a paneled den/office, a dining room with a wood beamed ceiling, fireplace and a Hyundai-sized crystal chandelier that is, according to listing information, "of vintage quality," whatever that is.

The kitchen, while well appointed with every appliance and accoutrement a cook could desire, also has a cacophony of ceiling heights and types that includes plaster, wood beams and a soaring, frescoed groin vault in the breakfast room with yet another "vintage quality" chandelier. Other rooms, according to listing information include a 600 square foot family room with a stone fireplace, a private theater with elevated seating, coffered ceiling and some of the ugliest black and brown wallpaper Your Mama has had the displeasure of laying eyeballs on in a very long time.

In addition to the family bedrooms there is a 40 foot long master suite with a step-down sitting area with fireplace and a wood floored sleeping area separated by a foursome of squat columns. As best as we can tell, the master suite includes dual poopers and dressing rooms. One of the bathrooms is all tile, travertine and (more) squat columns while the other dressing room and pooper have a much more men's clubby vibe with a forest's worth of paneling and mill work.

Other amenities of Mister Kidd's Krib include a basement rec room with a wet bar, garaging for at least 8 automobiles plus room for a damn recreational vehicle, at least six fireplaces, a 4 room guest cottage that measures a generous 1,660 square feet, a 3 room caretakers cottage, an exercise room with sauna, a gazebo, children's play are, a swimming pool and spa lined with palm trees, a built in bbq area, and a tennis court with a viewing ramada. A viewing ramada? What the hell is that? Who makes these things up? According to listing information the home's electronic gadgetry includes a central vacuum system, a soft water loop, a drinking water filtration system, and a serious security system. The entire house, including the fireplaces, fountains, lights and security are Crestron and Lutron controlled which means Mister Kidd can flip on the fountain in the motor court, open the drapes in the living room and start a movie in the theater all while laying in bed.

According to property records, Mister (and Missus) Kidd's real estate portfolio also includes (but is not limited to) an 11,952 square foot manse in swanky Saddle River, NJ, a 1,350 square foot condo in Foster City, CA, a 2,170 square foot house in Granada Hills, CA, and another condo in Dallas, TX that measures 2,476 square feet.

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