Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Flea's Red Hot Malee-boo Manse
SELLER: Michael Balzary (Flea)
LOCATION: Sycamore Meadows Drive, Malibu, CA
SIZE: 4,882 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A Malibu sanctuary, gated & nestled in the green belt at the end of Sycamore Meadows. Sweeping ocean views & commanding hillside scenery surround this majestic home. Set in a botanical paradise, this private 2.4 acre compound also features a newly refinished pool & spa, private alcoves & pathways thruout the grounds. The hm conveys a warm & solid feeling in its large living spaces, combining traditional & eclectic styles. Big bedrooms, high ceilings, large kitchen & rec studio.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Lawhd hunnies, it seems all the Chili Peppers are on the move in Los Angeles. Michael Balzary, the bass player for the Red Hot Chili Peppers who goes by the name Flea, and Chili Pepper front man Anthony Kiedis became fast friends after meeting at Fairfax High School in Los Angeles. They've been making beautiful music together ever since and their tremendous success has allowed them to buy and sell enormously expensive properties. We recently discussed Keidis' gor-gee-us house in Beverly Hills which you can read about here.
Back in December 2006 Ruth Ryon reported in her Hot Properties column that Chili Peppers bassist Flea and his model girlfriend Frankie Rayder recently purchased an ocean front home in Malee-boo. Property records indicate the couple paid $9,980, 099 in August of 2006 for the 2 acre property with a 2,700 square foot four bedroom three bathroom house. The property also includes a two bedroom guesthouse and additional 1 bedroom guest apartment. It's unclear to Your Mama whether both Balzary and Rayder share title to the new property, but it is understood they will both be living in the house raising their unusually named child Sunny Bebop.
However, the house Your Mama want to discuss today is Flea's old Malee-boo manse located up in the hills above the water. Bought in 2002 for about $2,500,000, the 2.41 acre property consists of two lots with the house tucked up a long, gated driveway. Children take note of the gates at the driveway. Did you notice the bull dogs statuettes on the pillars? Is that a cute bit of whimsy or an upsetting declaration of what's to come?
Your Mama was expecting big things when we went looking for this property. After being left breathless of Kiedis' house we were hoping Mr. Balzary might have hired the same gay decorator to do up his house. But alas. Instead we find a random assortment of furniture, most of which, quite frankly, looks like it was purchased at the flea market, no pun intended.
We can appreciate that Mr. Balzary, and by extension his model girlfriend Frankie, may not be concerned with fancy furniture and serious artwork. But babies, couldn't you have managed to at least clean up the damn house before the photographer showed up? We see the lines in the carpet in the bedroom, so we know Frankie ran a vacuum up in there, but what about all the clutter and the baby's toys on the floor in the living room?
Your Mama thinks the location and privacy of this property are stellar. The free form pool surrounded by trees and foliage looks like a lovely place to whittle away the days reading Sydney Sheldon novels and smoking a blunt. Even that swing thing up on the hill works as a peaceful place to watch the sun set. But hunnies, when the sun sets, grab the kiddies and get in inside where the mountain lions cain't smell you.
The kitchen passes muster having been recently renovated. It's a little ordinary perhaps, lacking in a certain something, but we absolutely approve of the choice for the big Viking range and the double dishwashers. But what is happening with that bathroom? We do not know what is worse, the flesh colored tile or the mauve sink and terlit and we won't even mention the brass accents on the shower. Lawhd children Your Mama would go insane if we had to be doing our dirty bizness up in this room. And, for all the obvious reasons, you can not send guests into a bathroom like this. Not if you would like them to be able to eat the dinner you spent all day slaving over.
The master bedroom is another abomination. What in the hell is going on in there? Your Mama could never sleep peacefully in a room with puke colored carpeting. We do appreciate the flat screen television for late night viewing of the addictive Wife Swap programs we TiVo. But we are not happy with the TV hanging down from the ceiling like this is some sort of hospital room. And Flea, baby, in a big ol' house like this, surely you could find another room for that ugly desk.
Because Your Mama does not like to be a hardcore hater, we're going to wrap this up with a couple of features about which we can be positive. The light fixture in the dining room is a spectacular tour de force with it's architectural shaping and complicated structure. Of course, we'd like it a bit better if it could be centered over the dining room table. And Your Mama totally loves that this artsy fartsy rocker/model couple prominently hang their child's artwork up on the walls as can be seen in the dining room. This touch of sweetness makes up for a lot of the mish mash of this house and clearly tells Your Mama this house is a home.
It does NOT however make up for that creepy bathroom.
Sources: LA Times, Pritchett-Rapf