Friday, March 16, 2007

Is Byron Allen Flipping Out?

SELLER: Bryon Allen
LOCATION: Nightingale Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,995,000
SIZE: 3,562 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Most fabulous view in LA. Downtown, Century City, and ocean! Sexy, mid century modern. Celebrity owned. Private and gated. 3 Bd/3.5 ba and maid's. Open floor plan with walls of glass and head-on city views. Huge yard with pool–and entertainer's paradise...Live on top of the world.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This house, owned through a trust, belongs to Byron Allen. Do any of the children remember him? Your Mama had to pull his name up through the haze of our fading memory. Truth be told, we thought Mr. Allen disappeared into obscurity after Real People was cancelled in 1984. But, turns out he did not. Ladies and gentlemen, he's very busy. And he's rich.

The man produces, directs, writes and currently hosts something called Comics Unleashed on the Fox Channel. Your Mama can hardly watch stand up comics without vomiting from anxiety so that explains why we haven't tuned in to that program to know Mr. Allen is indeed alive and kicking.

Mister Allen makes most of his dough from a company he founded in 1993 called Entertainment Studios. According to their website, the company is the "largest independent producer/distributor of first run, syndicated programming for broadcast television stations." Heavens, we don't even know what that means? They do whaaat? Is that English?

It's unclear to Your Mama whether Mr. Allen ever lived in this Bird Street house or if he's flipping it for a few million more than he paid. However, we suspect he's flipping. First of all, property records indicate the house was purchased in June of 2005 and we know for a fact the place has has had a significant amount of work done in the last year or so. Secondly it has been staged with a truck load of mid-century and contemporary furniture to make it look sexy and glamorous. And it does. But it also looks like no one actually lives there. Did you note there is no shampoo in the shower?

Whatever the case, this house melts Your Mama's butter. The house may fit every cliche about and LA property, but that's all right by us. We might go with a darker putty color on the exterior of the house to further chill it out and we don't care for a good amount of the furniture, but once you get in that front door this place blows our mind. Seriously.

Your Mama is appreciating the way the walls were dealt with in the living and dining rooms. The floor to ceiling zebra wood has been lovingly and thoughtfully matched to create a uniform pattern. This was also done in the den where the delicious Carrara marble is naughtily patterned in such a way as to resemble lady parts. Which we think is a nice touch in a masculine house with such severe and straight lines.

The kitchen looks functional and nicely up to date without being so tragically mo-derne that it will need to be replaced in a year or two. We also dig the the breakfast room with the vintage Panton fixture. We would like to see a splash of color on the wall here to set it all off, but that's a minor and easy fix.

The back of the house slides open to one of the best backyards in the Bird Streets. Not only is it private, the view is giant. An added bonus: the low maintenance landscaping. The Guatemalan gardeners won't have much to do back here. Your Mama likes the idea of backyard artwork, but that sculpture can go.

We're going to go call our LA real estate agent right now. Your Mama needs to know if the windows on this place have a UV coating to protect our art works.

What do the children think? Is it priced right?

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