Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Jenner-Kardashians List Hidden Hills Krib

SELLERS: Bruce Jenner and Kris Kardashian
LOCATION: Jed Smith Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,395,000
SIZE: 3,966 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Winding drive through trees and rolling lawns leads to this immaculate, highly upgraded, one story estate. Romantic covered veranda overlooks the lush grounds. Gorgeous interior offers newer granite kitchen, stainless steel appliances, beautiful marble bath with fireplace, hardwood floors, coffered & open beam ceilings, finished study, skylights, and more. Large yard includes pool & spa w/ flagstone decking, entertaining patio, and room for horses.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We konfess. Your Mama actually sat through a few episodes of the unbelievably banal reality program Keeping up With the Kardashians during which kameras documented the not particularly interesting lives of the Bruce Jenner/Kris Kardashian family.

The Jenner-Kardashian klan, a modern day Brady Bunch if there ever was one, konsists of 10 children kreated by five different kouplings. There's Casey, Burt, Brandon and Brody Jenner born of Mister Jenner's first two marriages. Then there is Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and Rob Kardashian who resulted from Kris Kardashian's first marriage to O.J. Simpson's attorney Robert Kardashian (who went to meet the great judge in the sky in 2003). And pulling up the rear are Kendall and Kylie Jenner who are the progeny of Mister Jenner and Missus Kardashian-Jenner. It's all so konfusing.

Although he now sells airplanes, Mister Jenner is famous for, of kourse, winning a gold medal in the 1976 Olympics and more recently for his misadventures with plastic surgery which has left him looking bizarrely feminine. Step-daughter Kim Kardashian has somehow managed to make quite a kareer out of her big ass and a sex tape with some dude named Ray J. The rest of the Jenner-Kardashians are famous for for, well, for being related to and friends with other famous people.

But, as usual, we digress. We're here to discuss the real estate, so let's get to the matter at hand. Since June of 2006, the Jenner-Kardashian klan have kalled the guard gated kommunity of Hidden Hills home where they filmed two (and maybe three) seasons of their reality program. However, Mister and Missus Jenner have decided to move on to a new krib because, thanks to a source we'll call Jimmy Jabbermouth, Your Mama has learned the kouple's 1.14 acre property on Jed Smith Road has been listed for sale with an asking price of $3,395,000.

Property records show Mister and Missus Jenner purchased their 3,966 square foot single story kasa in the western suburbs of Los Angeles in June of 2006 for $2,850,000. Listing information shows the house has just 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms so it's a good thing all these Jenner and Kardashian kids live in Los Angeles because this house is simply not large enough to house even half of them during the holidays.

The house is accessed down a long, kurving driveway with plenty of parking for the family's fleet of Range Rovers (and Kim's Bentley). A large living room with fireplace and tray ceiling has been done up and did over in shades of gold including a glitzy chandelier and a mad hot Rococo koffee table with a black marble top that would look a-may-zingly kitch on Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's kovered patio. The recently re-did kitchen is fully functional, if not very exciting, and includes black granite kounter tops, white kabinets and high grade stainless steel appliances, natch. A wine rack has been kustom built into the end of the work island, and from the look of things, the Jenner-Kardashian krew enjoys uncorking a bottle or two...or three or four.

Less formal living spaces include a small library with built in bookshelves, a small flat screen tee-vee and a giant read sofa. The reasonably kommodious family room also has built in book shelves, a flat screen tee-vee, skylights, a breakfast table looking out to the backyard, floral print chairs and accessories and another big red sofa...although this one appears to be a deelishus blood red velvet number that we would not mind owning.

Mister and Missus Jenner's master bedroom features even more kustom cabinetry, a sitting area for getting away from all them kids, another flat scree tee-vee, more sky lights, a fireplace and a beige and white bathroom with fireplace and yet another flat screen tee-vee. We appreciate that Miz Jenner, or her nice gay decorator, did not drape yard after yard of fabric over the four poster bed because we think it looks so much more elegant unadorned.

The back yard centers around a heated swimming pool surrounded by a fabulous flagstone terrace. A gazebo like structure has been placed above the pool which we imagine to be an excellent place to lay around and read the gossip glossies and figuring out more ways to earn more money from Kim's gigantic backside.

Other features, according to listing information, are a three car garage, three fireplaces (two of which are in the master bedroom), an expansive lanai, a children's playhouse and room for equestrian facilities. A large flat area beyond the swimming pool could use a little attention by the gardner because currently it's a hot mess of dirt and weeds.

Considering the kouple have lived in that neck of the woods for some time, it would not be surprising to hear they are moving to a bigger and better property in the famous folks filled kommunity where home owners include Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, Lisa Marie Presley, Shaun Cassidy, Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels, Nicolette Sheridan (who bought her house form Miz Etheridge), Tae Bo bigwig Billy Blanks, and that poor Denise Richards ladee who is still trying to sell her house on Long Valley Road.

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