Friday, June 4, 2010

A Hamptons Hideaway for David Hyde Pierce

BUYER: David Hyde Pierce and Brian Hargrove
LOCATION: Amagansett, NY
PRICE: $6,300,000
SIZE: 4,000+ square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The summer season has officially begun so let's all head out to the hoity toity Hamptons where the roadways become parking lots and the restaurants become tedious exercises in self-control from the end of May to the beginning of September.

A peep and a poke around Property Shark reveals that some of the East End's newest home owners are Emmy winning actor David Hyde Pierce and his long-time man-friend and huzband Brian Hargrove who, according to public property records, picked up an ocean front property in Amagansett, NY in mid-May of 2010 for $6,300,000. Lo-ward have mercy butter balls, we should all be so damn lucky as to be essentially unemployed and still able to spend six and some million smackers on a beach house that will likely be used, at best, 6 months of the year.

Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove join the wealthy masses who schlep out to the Hamptons each summer weekend for a bit of rest and relaxation and end up tearing their hair out over the drama and hysterics required just to buy a damn lobster roll at Loaves & Fishes in Sagaponack or a burrito at La Fondita in East Hampton. Fortunately for Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove, their new digs are just a hop, skip and a jump–or a not entirely safe bike ride–from one of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's favorites summer lunch locales, the road side Clam Bar at Napeague where all good things come deep fried and the waiter people always bring our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly cool bowls of water.

Mister Hyde Pierce is most widely known, of course, for his long running role as the mincing, fussy, and annoyingly persnickety psychiatrist Dr. Niles Crane on the once popular now defunct sitcom program Frasier. In addition to earning him boo-coo bucks, Mister Hyde Pierce's role also earned him numerous accolades including 5 Golden Globe nominations, 2 Screen Actors Guild awards (plus another 10 nominations), and 4 Emmys (plus another 7 nominations). A quick look-see at Mister Hyde Pierce's resume on the IMDB shows that he really didn't do much before Frasier and hasn't done much since Frasier ended in 2004 after 11 successful seasons. Your Mama imagines that well educated Mister Hyde Pierce–he graduated with a double major from Yale–has nary a financial need to do a damn thing but sun his buns on the back deck of his new house in Amagansett for the rest of his life iffin he doesn't want to. Such are the beauty of residual checks that will keep fattening Mister Hyde Pierce's bank accounts as long as reruns of Frasier are played day and night on every half cocked cable channel on the boob toob.

Mister Hargrove, who hasn't worked on anything in the business of show that appears on his IMDB resume since 2003, wrote and produced several sitcoms and pilot programs including Caroline in the City, Titus, and Wanda at Large.

Listing information Your Mama was able to tease out of the interweb shows the gay guys' very 1970s contemporary crib is nestled into the gorgeous and rolling dunes of Amagansett on a .67 acre parcel with 110-feet of pristine and prime ocean frontage. Listing information also shows the single story dwelling, surrounded by naturalistic, no maintenance shrubbery and vegetation, measures more than 4,000 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 4 full poopers.

While there's little more pleasant–and enviable–to Your Mama then an decoratively under-done beach house where guests will not be whispered about or lambasted by the hosts for dragging sea salt and sand into the living room, Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove's new beach hut could use a wee bit o' updating and upgrading.

The living/dining room, anchored at one end by a fireplace, is an amazingly voluminous space with an unobstructed ocean view and a sharply pitched and vaulted ceiling that resembles a big, upside down boat. A long row of floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that blur the edge between indoors and out wraps around the back wall and open to a wide, sunbathing deck that runs the length of the back of the house. A covered dining deck makes a lovely open-air shelter from the elements that can include scorching sunshine and downpours from the dramatic thunderstorms that rush in during the summertime. A sandy path winds through the rugged, windswept dunes to the beach.

Besides the bewildering blue and white and nautically cliché carpeting in the bedrooms, it's the kitchen that clearly needs the most assistance from a nice, gay decorator. What's good is that the kitchen is large and sky lit. Your Mama can even live with the pickled paneling that is trés 1970s and could be utilized to nice effect in the right hands. What's bad is pretty much everything else. The cabinetry looks dull and worn, the counter tops punished with old-fashioned and boring laminate, the appliances mismatched in a most unpleasant manner and, let's be honest, not the quality that one expects to find in a six and some million clam crib at the beach.

We should probably just keep our fat trap shut about this because the knick-knacks and paddy-whacks were–we hope–most likely removed by the previous owners. However, we can't help ourselves. The bric-a-brac hot mess on top of the cabinetry, which appears to include several photographs that quite likely can't even be seen by someone of average height since they're so damn high and a plant–heaven help us all if it's a dreaded plastic plant–has got Your Mama so on edge that we had to take a break, a lie down and a nerve pill. How many times do we have to tell the children that putting a bunch of crap on top of kitchen cabinetry is nothing but a recipe for dust and bad taste. It just is.

Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove's new nearby neighbors in the Hamptons include Goop-y ack-tress Gwenyth Paltrow and her rock star huzband Chris Martin, and Sex and the City's Sarah Jessica Parker and her Broadway baby huzband Matthew Broderick who own a modest ocean front house in Amagansett as well as an even more modest house across the street. A little farther away are honchos like Naomi Watts, Paul McCartney, Robert DeNiro, Ralph Lauren, and fellow (out) gays Jann Wenner and Matt Nye.

Property records indicate that Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove also own some sort of time-share style pied a terre near Lincoln Square in New York City that they picked up in May of 2005. It's also been widely reported the couple live primarily in Los Angeles and Your Mama's sources have told us the live in Los Feliz, but honestly chickens we don't find much in the way or property records that confirm that. Whatever the case, Your Mama wishes them a swell summer at their new hideaway in the Hamptons.

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