Friday, June 11, 2010

UPDATE: Teresa and Joe Giudice

Something is fishy in fancy pants Franklin Lakes. Or, rather, something is amiss about 15 miles away in the not quite as affluent town of Towaco, NJ.

Your Mama has just learned from Tittering Tina that earlier today The Real Housewives of New Jersey's resident table turner and phrase maker Teresa Guidice too to the Twitter and tweeted, "MY HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE!!!" This despite an online listing for Tee-Tee and her huzband Joe-Joe's elephantine faux chateau that clearly showed the Giudice family spread for sale with an asking price of $3,999,999.

That's right butter beans, Tee-Tee says her mausoleum like mansion of marble and onyx ain't for sale. Well, hmm...maybe Tee-Tee and Joe-Joe's monster mansion is not for sale today, but according to the listing Your Mama saw and scoured on, the Giudice digs were in fact first heaved on to the open market on the 20th of May, 2010. That means the Giudice's property was for sale for three whole weeks before Tee-Tee and Joe-Joe got around to asking the alleged listing agent(s) to remove the allegedly erroneous listing from the interweb.

Here's the thing. While it ain't none of no body's bidness but their own, least of all Your Mama's, we just can't help but wonder how Tee-Tee and Joe-Joe are planning to keep that particular roof over their heads. According to their October 2009 bankruptcy filing, the couple carries a hefty mortgage of at least $1,700,000 secured with their titanic Towaco mansion. A few flicks of the well worn beads on Your Mama's trusty, bejeweled abacus shows that at current rates, a mortgage that size adds up to something just over $10,000 per month.

It doesn't take a mathematician–or even a very smart person–to see that a mortgage of 10 or 11 grand a month far exceeds the $6,583 per month in pre-tax income Tee-Tee and Joe-Joe claimed on their bankruptcy filing. There is also, don't let's forget, that extra ten grand a month the Giudices claim to get as gifts from family members. However and by Your Mama's rudimentary calculations, even when adding up their claimed income and their gifted income, after the gubbmint takes their pound of flesh and the fat mortgage gets paid, the notoriously profligate pair will have barely enough dough left over buy their bedazzled brood of screeching gurls Happy Meals at Mac-Donalds.

Your Mama fears that, as our not yet fully rehabbed gal pal Fiona Trambeau often says, "It can only end in tears, it can only end in tears." We shall see.

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