Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hilary Duff Gets New Digs

BUYERS: Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie
LOCATION: Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,850,000
SIZE: 5,260 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Before there was a teen-aged Miley Cyrus working the pole on the Teen Choice Awards and giving a 44 year old gay guy an inappropriate lap dance, and before the baby-faced Jonas Brothers were causing tween and teen gurls–not to mention far too many chicken loving homos–to tingle in their private parts, there was Disney darling Hilary Duff, a young, sweet-faced blondie who rocketed to fame and fortune in the early naughts on the short-lived but wildly successful tee-vee program Lizzie McGuire.

Once upon a time, believe it or not, a young Miss Duff was professionally rivaled against wild child Lindsay Lohan. That was before Miss Lohan flushed her career down the terlit with the booze and dope. While Miss Lohan has a SCRAM bracelet strapped to her ankle, squeaky clean Miss Duff is out buying multi-million dollar houses. There's a moral lesson for the kids in that there cautionary tale iffin they care to listen or take heed.

All grown up at 23 or 4 years old, Miss Duff has long moved on from working it as a wholesome Disney cash cow and has become a brand unto itself. The bizzy as a beaver actress is also, according to her resume on the IMDB, a successful singer with platinum and gold records, a fashion designer, parfumier, producer, model, philanthropic spokesperson, and in her spare time, a student who reportedly takes occasional correspondence courses through the Harvard Extension School. Jeezis, Joseph, Mary Mother of God, remember when starlets were just starlets who had to do little more to pose on red carpets in pretty dresses and didn't need to be a multi-tasking machine relentlessly pushing stink water, cheap clothes, and sparkly things?

In more recent years, Miss Duff–who recently got engaged to a chisel chinned stud named Mike Comrie who earns big bucks pushing the puck for the Edmonton Oilers–has concentrated more on her singing than her acting. However, she did kind of recently appear in a single episode of Law and Order: SVU as well as a 6 episode arc of the trashy but popular Gossip Girl. She is next scheduled to appear on the silver screen as Bonnie in a re-do of the legendary film The Story of Bonnie and Clyde. Miss Duff being cast as Bonnie earned her the ire of notoriously grumpy movie star Faye Dunaway who starred in the 1967 original and publicly commented last year that she didn't think Miss Duff was a good choice to reprise her iconic role since she, Miss Duff, is not a "real actress." Meee-ow. Miss Duff, spurned, burned, and 14 kinds of peeved, ripped off her trademark "I'm a nice gurl" exterior and cattily shot back about ol' ladee Dunaway, "...I might be mad if I looked like that now too." Oh. Snap!

Anyoo, like so many of Disney's other teen-aged stars, Miss Duff has long lived in Toluca Lake, CA where property records and previous reports reveal she currently owns not one but two homes. In March of 2004, at just 16 years old and fresh on the heels of her Lizzie McGuire fame and fortune, young Miss Duff forked over a very grown up $3,500,000 for a beefy 8,827 square foot house with 5 bedrooms and 5 poopers. Presumably this is where the then under-aged Miss Duff lived with her parents and older, actreess sister Haylie.

The Duff family digs are surrounded by the homes of a myriad of other famous folks including a large house once owned by Damon Wayans and leased by the Jonas Brothers, The lake-front crib of unlucky in love ack-turuss Jennifer Love Hewitt, and the sprawling mansion of Jenny Garth (Beverly Hills 9021-) and her handsome huzband Peter Facinelli who is having an honest to goodness showbiz moment on the soo-blime boob-toob program Nurse Jackie.

Also nearby, just half a block away, is a second house that the then 18-year old Miss Duff purchased in February of 2006. Records show that the wholesome and toothy entertainer laid out $1,650,000 for the walled and gated Mediterranean style residence that records show measures 2,420 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 2 poopers. Previous reports indicate this is where Miss Duff and her older sister Haylie live (or once lived) together.

We don't know if the 20-something year old Duff sisters are or were recently shacking up together in Toluca Lake but we have learned from our very well connected informant Beverly Hills that Hilary Duff and hunky fiancee Mike Comrie will soon be moving her hairpieces and his hockey sticks into a big ol' Georgian Colonial style mansion in Beverly Hill's guard gated Summit community. Records show the seller of Miss Duff and Mister Comrie's new crib was actress and Paris Hilton pal Julie Araskog and that the property was purchased through a trust that paid $3,850,000.

The 5,260 square foot house happens to sits right up next to the mansion in which pop superstar Britney Spears once lived, still owns, and can't seem to sell even though it's currently priced almost two million clams less than she paid for it in January of 2007. Given that Miss Duff and Mister Comrie paid $3,850,000 for their house, it looks like Miss Spears, the poor lassie, may be forced to come down even farther iffin she want to sell her real estate white elephant.

Listing information shows Miss Duff and Mister Comrie's new, "stately" two-story house has 5 bedrooms, 6.5 poopers, a wide brick and concrete driveway, a walled and gated front yard that has a big ol' fountain in the middle, a double height front porch held up by four square and fluted columns, and a mile of dentil molding that runs around the eaves of the second floor.

The grand, let's impress the guests entrance hall has double height ceilings, paneled and painted walls, hardwood floors laid in a complicated and dizzying pattern, a curved Norma Desmond style staircase, and a glittery crystal chandelier larger than than many Manhattan studio apartments. There are formal living and dining rooms, natch, a breakfast room, and a gore-may kitchen with white cabinetry, white marble counter tops, stainless steel appliances and herringbone patterned hardwood floors. The commodious and adjacent family room has coffered ceilings, a wet bar, fireplace, and French doors that open to the backyard.

Upstairs the hardwood floors turn to a Parquet de Versailles pattern, a decorative matter that befuddles and annoys Your Mama because there is just no need for a house of this size to have three or more hardwood floor patterns. There just isn't. Anyhoo, there are four family/guest bedrooms, each with Carrara marble en suite poopers. This means, of course, that none of Miss Duff and Mister Comrie's guests or future children will have to put on a brave face and pretend the hall bathroom doesn't smell like a damn pubic toilet after Aunt Edna comes for the weekend and stinks up the facilities.

The master suite, a large corner room with a quartet of French doors that open to a quartet of Juliet balconies with iron railings, has a fireplace for romantical evenings, and his and her walk-in closets and poopers. One of the poopers, large enough to be furnished with an upholstered chaise, features Carrara marble floors, a free standing soaking tub surrounded by windows fitted with internal shutters, and a flat screen tee-vee mounted into a custom cubby hole up on the wall opposite the sink and vanity.

The backyard, which butts up to a vacant hillside ensuring privacy for nood sunbathing and after dinner games of strip croquet, has two pergola shaded brick terraces–one for sitting, one for dining outdoors, a long lap pool and spa surrounded by brick terracing, and a gravel pad with a freestanding fireplace and a foursome of potted citrus trees.

Other residents of The Summit currently include Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale who now own a house they bought from Jennifer Lopez, and Pointer Sister Anita Pointer. Other famous former property owners in The Summit include that recently deceased Ed McMahon, Alex van Halen, Holly Robinson Peete, and P-Fiddle (Diddle Puff or Puffy Daddy or whatever damn name he calls himself nowadays).

Your Mama can honestly say that we've neither seen nor heard Hilary Duff act or sing, know nuthin' about Mister Comrie's ice hockey thing, and find their new love nest a bit twee and elegant for such a young couple. None the less, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter think little Miss Duff seems like a nice, young woman with big veneers who has, to her credit, mostly managed to stay out of the hot lights of Hollywood that sometimes lead to the crash and burn of child stars–Hello! Are you listening Lindsay Lohan?–and we both wish her and her man friend a happy home and happy life.

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