Sunday, June 22, 2008

Is Oprah Fleeing Fisher Island?

SELLER: Oprah Winfrey
LOCATION: Fisher Island Drive, Miami, FL
PRICE: $2,090,000
SIZE: 1,838 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Spectacular direct ocean views through walls of sliding glass and from covered privacy on a gracious seaside terrace create an unmistakable Florida aura around this two bedroom, two bathroom luxury Fisher Island condominium. Gorgeous design, inviting layout and fantastic features combine to achieve a supreme level of plush waterfront, tropical living. Beautiful upgrades and details within this bright and airy Seaside Village home include wonderful water views from every room, custom wood built-ins & more!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday Your Mama discussed the Greenwich, CT crib of talk show titan Oprah Winfrey's gal pal Gayle King which has been listed at $7,450,000. It appears that Miz King–an XM Satellite Radio ho-stess and editor-at large for Oprah's O Magazine–will be moving to Midtown Manhattan and into the 57th Street penthouse she recently and reportedly purchased for $7,100,000. The snarky real estate scuttlebutt is that the glassy aerie was purchased with the boob toob billionaire's money, but children, Your Mama don't know a thing concrete about that other than it was bought through a trust named after The Big O's beloved (and recently deceased) dog Sophie. Make of that what you will.

Well anyhoo, it appears that Miz King isn't that only one of these two luvlee ladies unloading prime real estate. Turns out The Big O herself has listed her Fisher Island, FL condo for sale with a current asking price of $2,090,000. The modestly sized two bedroom and 2 bathroom unit offers a typically tropical rich person's view of palm trees and meticulously maintained green grass that stretches gracefully down to the sugar sand beach and ter-kwahze waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

Located off the southern tip of South Beach and accessed only by ferry, seaplane, helicopter or yacht, fancy Fisher Island was once the private winter retreat of William and Rosamund Vanderbilt, great grandson of the legendary Commodore. Although the Vanderbilt's massive mansion and several of the 1920 era cottages remain, the island is now a private residential enclave of costly condominiums and pricey private villas. The 216 acre island includes a spa, golf course (dubbed The Links), a grand slam tennis center, polo field, deep water docking, 8 restaurants and swank shops all for the filthy rich residents and anyone interested in coughing up the big bucks to vacay at the Fisher Island Hotel and Resort and hoping to catch Miz King and The Big O oil each other up with tanning lotion and sunbathe in their itty bitty bikinis.

Property records show The Big O bought her 1,838 square foot hideaway back in 1996 for $660,000. All cash, natch. Listing information reveals that the unit is located in the Seaside Village section of Fisher Island and includes hardwood and marble floors, high ceilings, walls of sliding glass that open to a large seaside terrace, ceiling fans and custom wood built-ins with flat screen televisions so that even while on vacation The Big O can keep a watchful and suspicious eye on Ellen and Rachel Ray nipping at her talk show heels.

The Big O has clearly cleared the custom book shelves and removed her most personal items from the unit and from what remains it appears to Your Mama that the media maven did up the day-core in a slightly masculine Tommy Bahama style with custom sized sisal rugs, tufted ottomans in neutral colors, distressed leather armchairs, and those palm frond ceiling fans that have become so ridiculously and painfully obvious in tropical day-core.

At first glance the kitchen looks functional and fine. Nothing great, but not bad. Then Your Mama realized that one entire wall is mirrored. From floor to ceiling. An inexplicable decorating travesty if we ever saw one. It's not a damn dressing room, it's a kitchen. Who needs to see themselves looking all blotchy and bleary eyed in the morning while chopping up celery for a Bloody Mary? Not Your Mama, that's who.

We also note with some dismay that despite her vast wealth–beehawtcha earned a mind numbing $275,000,000 last year alone–The Big O cheaped out on her counter top appliances. That's right puppies, she flies around in a private jet but gurl penny pinched it on the appliances. Your Mama expected a Dualit Combi toaster and a De'Longhi PrimaDonna ESAM 6600 cappuccino machine at the least, but instead we get the sort of plastic contraptions that poor people can snatch up cheap at Target. Nothing wrong with Target puppies, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter buy our terlit paper there too, but we ain't billionaires making money faster than we an spend it.

Although Your Mama is a fan of south Florida (in the winter time, of course) and we are regular guests at a hoity toity hotel in South Beach, Fisher Island and all its generic exclusivity and run of the mill luxury doesn't do much for us. However, we will allow that The Big O's large covered terrace looks like an enviable and serene spot. Your Mama can imagine The Big O and Miz King slipping on colorful caftans and whittling away the late afternoon listening to the surf, pouring over bank statements and slowly rubbing cooling aloe vera on their pleasingly prickly and slightly sun burned skin.

Obviously Your Mama does not know The Big O so we can't say why she would chose to sell this condo. But given that she's got about a thousand other homes and condos all around the U-nited States, including that $40,000,000 manse in Montecito, perhaps this one is just dead real estate weight sucking up a few grand a month in maintenance fees and taxes. Even billionaires sometimes look at the bottom line. Don't they? Or maybe she's upgrading to something larger? Who knows? We don't, but if you do, be sure to give Your Mama a ringy-dingy.

Honestly children, Your Mama don't know if any of these people still hole up in Fisher Island condos, but other famous Fisher Island property owners (or former owners) are said to include daddylicious pop star Ricky Martin, Oscar winning actress Julia Roberts and her big and beautiful teeth, Mel Brooks and tennis titans Andre Agassi and Boris Becker.

UPDATE (later same day): Your Mama's research diva B.S. Beaverman located a 1998 article in New York Magazine which plainly stated that (at the time of the article) The Big O owned three units on Fisher Island including a 6,000 square foot place for Herself and two smaller for her trainer and another for her entourage. We don't dispute that. However at this point and time Your Mama is only able to confirm The Big O's ownership of this one unit. We're certain Mister Big Time can work the details out while we put our feet up and watch reality television with the Dr. Cooter.

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