Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Kanye Dumps Donda's Digs

SELLER: Kanye West for Estate of Dr. Donda West
LOCATION: Rindge Ave, Playa Del Ray, CA
PRICE: $1,745,000
SIZE: 2,009 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Striking remodeled contemporary Beach House, situated on Playa Del Rey Hill offers sparkling views of the ocean, open and airy spaces, top of the line stainless steel kitchen, and light hitting all angles of the house. The home is landscaped wonderfully and features zen-like fountains and shrubbery. A courtyard for entertaining opens to the middle of the house and serves as a wonderful bonus. There are 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, and it's only 2 blocks from the sand.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen children, Your Mama is going to start this morning on a bit of a sad note. Once upon a time not too long ago Miz Dr. Donda West–the proud momma of (newly single) hip hop supa-stah Kanye West–went in to have a little nip, tuck and a suck. However, the celebrity mom died tragically and unexpectedly just days after the cosmetic procedures. It was national damn news. Remember that children? Anyhoo, Autopsy reports revealed Miz West perished due to coronary heart disease and complications related to the surgery. Say what you want about the divalicious antics of the son, but Miz West was only 58 years old, which is simply too young to go.

It only makes sense then, even to Your Mama's gin soaked bird brain, that Mister Kanye would eventually sell Momma West's Playa del Rey residence located two short blocks from the sugar sand on Rindge Avenue. Sho enuf, thanks to a surf side tipster we'll call Slick Willie, Your Mama has learned that Momma West's crib has hit the market with an asking price of $1,745,000. For those not familiar with a map, Playa del Rey is a small beach community located just south of Marina del Rey and just north of Los Angeles International Airport. Your Mama is actually quite familiar with this stretch of the southrun Calee-fornia sand having once spent a summer living in a diminutive dorm room at nearby Loyola Marymount University with a strange but firm bodied young man who obsessively plucked the Flamenco guitar. Don't ask.

Prop records show Momma West's wood sided contemporary crib measures a modest 2,009 square feet with three bedrooms and three bathrooms. Records reveal the house was purchased through one of young Mister West's real estate trusts in June of 2005 for $1,649,000. Given those purchase and asking prices, Your Mama's bejeweled abacus informs us that Mister West will likely lose a few shekels on this sale of this property. However, much as Mister West enjoys making money flipping real estate, we're quite sure that profiting from the sale of this house is not part of his game plan.

It would appear that Momma West and her baby boy did some renovation work on the place including installing a sleek and sexy stainless steel kitchen, just exactly the sort the children might expect to find in Kanye's krib. It's really quite lovely to look at, like a shiny and well oiled muh-sheen. However, Your Mama worries about the necessity, practicality and cost of a full time gurl whose only responsibility would be to polish all that stainless steel until it shines like a mirror.

Listing information indicates the corner property offers "sparkling" ocean views, which is always nice, and a central courtyard perfect for tucking away when the wind comes whipping up off the ocean. There is also a brick paved backyard area which includes a sunken 1970s era redwood hot tub. This feature should appeal to all the middle-aged grass toking swingers who wanna listen to the pounding surf while trying to woo their spouse's co-worker into a threesome or moresome. Bowm-chicka-bow-bowm!

Your Mama is superstitious (and believe it or not, respectful) enough that we are loathe to speak ill of the dead or their homes. So we won't discuss our thoughts on the day-core. However, we can't leave the glass brick in the bathroom unmentioned. We are not much bothered by the grey slate tiles but we think all that glass brick in the bathroom was a serious error in design judgment. We hope that dated bit of design has not been replaced because Miz West and her filial design freak just hadn't yet gotten around removing that 1980s decorating derring-do.

Given that his house is well located near the beach and is priced only just above the 2005 purchase price, we imagine it will garner much interest. And we hope so. Because although we don't care for Kanye West's attitude or his music, we're not so callous that we don't want him to lay his mother's memory to rest. Let this be a lesson to the children...your momma can be taken away at any moment, so step away from your damn computer and call the woman who birthed you and tell her that you lerv her.

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