Sunday, June 1, 2008

Monday's Morning Mish Mash

Even though yesterday was a day of rest and relaxation–and heaven knows we need a damn day of rest and relaxation–Your Mama sifted through our overstuffed and clotted up inbox and come up with a few tidbits we arbitrarily deemed not worthy of an entire post for a little Monday morning mish mash.

Some weeks ago tennis titan Pete Sampras karate chopped the price of his tremendous Tudor style estate on Loma Vista Drive in a prime part of the Bev Hills by two million clams. The substantial reduction in asking price...from $25,000,000 to $23,000,000...seems to have done the trick and sucked in a big bucks buyer because the listing is marked "looking for a backup." That particular designation in the MLS usually means the property is in escrow.

Gas may be four-plus bucks a gallon, the price of food is skyrocketing out of control and foreclosure rates are up, but those pesky little issues aren't stopping the super rich from forking over mountainous amounts of money for mammoth new homes that cost an average man's salary in yard maintenance every year.

Hair challenged Golden Globe winning actor Ted Danson and his Oscar winning wifey Mary Steenbergen have finally unloaded their ocean front house in Malee-boo. Phew! These two have been trying to sell this damn house forever. Located behind the guarded gates of The Colony, the 5 bedroom Cope Cod style house first appeared on the market way back in 2003 with a $9,750,000 asking price and then again briefly in 2005 for $14,500,000. When Your Mama discussed the property back in July of 2007 it was priced at $18,500,000. Not long after the price was slashed to $16,750,000, a ridiculously rich non-celebrity couple from the Bev Hills snapped it up. As of today, no one, not even Mister Big Time, has been able to suss out the selling price. Anyone care to quietly reveal that number to Your Mama?

Jamie Lynn Spears, budding tabloid train wreck and little sister to back in the saddle Britney Spears, not only has a bun in her teenage oven but she and her baby daddy, fellow teen Casey Aldridge, are reported to have purchased a modest 1-acre farm-ette with a quasi-cape style house and a wee red barn in her hometown of Kentwood in the great state of Loo-wheezy-ana.

Listen my little chickens, Your Mama does not know where this house is, its size, how many bedrooms and bathrooms it has or how much money the not yet old enough to vote, drink or graduate from high school mommy-to-be paid for the place. And you know what? We just don't care that much.

If we're being honest, and we always are, this one just makes us sad...children having children. Mercy. Hopefully little Jamie Lynn's got a little of that Nickelodeon money left so that she can pay for the Pampers and formula. Oh lawhd have mercy... As our Berlin bound buddy Fiona Trambeau always says, "This can only end in tears." For now, Your Mama's gonna let this one alone and let the sorry sitch-e-ay-shun run its course. Besides, it's prolly best to leave these two teens alone to play with their Wii, ride their ATVs and raise that poor baby in private.

Are we sure this house ain't in Mississippi? Ugh. Who cares.

photo: Faded Youth

Here's another one we don't care much about but know that many of the children might: Starvelet mommy Nicole Richie and her much tattooed baby daddy Joel Madden, are out looking at houses...again. This time they were seen peeping at some white house up in the hills of Hollywood that Your Mama can't be bothered to look up because we know they ain't buying it anyway.

These two might like the idea of re-living their wild and wooly pre-baby ways with a sexy party friendly house in the hills. However, it is our humble and meaningless opinion that it's far more likely the couple and kid will end up in Calabasas or, if they can afford it, Hidden Hills or some other gated and family friendly suburb where the yards have room for gigantic custom built jungle gyms. We'll see.

Speaking of getting it wrong...all the more reliable tabs and media outlets are now reporting that Mister and Missus Jolie–Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that she is the large and in charge one in that family–have LEASED that giant estate in France. Well, that certainly makes more sense, don't it?

All the tongue wagging gossips now say the peripatetic couple signed a three year lease on the Chateau Miraval, which certainly seems a much smarter idea than buying the place. But we gotta ask what every sensible person is thinking: These two super stars own at least seven other pricey properties, so why don't they just live in one of those places and save (or better yet, donate) all the money they're spending on private jets flying their ever expanding multi-culti family hither and yon all the time?

Uh-oh. Trouble magnet and insanely rich rapper 50 Cent has recently been tangled up in an uglee and (should be embarrassing) court battle trying to evict his baby momma and their 11 year old son from a house he owns in suburban Long Island. We don't mean to be glib in the face of tragedy, but evicting his child and baby momma won't be a problem for Fiddy now because a couple of days ago the Dix Hills house burned to theground in a "suspicious" fire. To. The. Damn. Ground.

The baby momma, a ladee named Shaniqua Tompkins, told a gaggle of gossips and reporters that someone tossed something through the window in the early a.m. that ignited the conflagration which resulted in 6 people having to jump off the roof to safety and be treated for smoke inhalation. Although he was reported to be in Loo-wheezy-ana making a movie, Miz Tompkins also pointed her finger at Mister Cent as the party responsible for starting the blaze. Oh dear.

Your Mama ain't sayin' a damn word about this matter, because we clearly don't know shit from shynola about "suspicious" fires. The children can draw their own conclusions while Your Mama waits for word from the arson investigations pee-pole, because you know there's going to be a serious investigation into this trashy mess.

More photos by Steve Silverman for TMZ

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